Why We Need Pain
Hello everyone, Rabbi Simon Jacobson here for another episode of Meaningful Life. This program is dedicated in honor of Zara Mravik, and we’ll be speaking about a difficult topic, one that might be the million-dollar question that everyone asks at some point in life: Why do we need pain?
The Paradox of Growth
The truth is, the very definition of growth, the essence of it, involves moving from one state to another. Think about that for a moment. We often take it for granted, but growth inherently means transformation.
Let’s approach this philosophically: How is it even possible to move from one state to another? Consider fire and water – opposites in many ways. They remain stationary in their essence; fire is fire, and water is water. Though they might share subatomic structures, on a larger scale, they are distinct. So, how do things actually transition, evolve, and grow?
We see it clearly in nature. A single fertilized cell, miraculously, becomes two, then four, then eight, ultimately blossoming into a human being. A child transforms from a helpless newborn into a thinking, feeling adult. It’s all around us – in the animal kingdom, in the plant world – this incredible, sometimes dramatic, process of growth.
But even within a single species, growth isn’t always smooth. Adolescence, for example, can be awkward and uncomfortable. We all experience those pivotal moments, those milestones, where we realize: “I am an individual, responsible for myself.” This dawning awareness, though necessary, can be unsettling.
Discomfort: The Catalyst for Growth
The reality is there’s no true growth without some degree of discomfort. We instinctively shy away from discomfort – it’s in the very word itself! – but it is an unavoidable companion on the journey of transformation.
I’m reminded of a fascinating book where half the story is told from the perspective of a caterpillar, and the other half from that of a butterfly. The caterpillar, content with crawling and consuming, undergoes a complete metamorphosis within the chrysalis. What transpires within that cocoon? What profound shifts occur in its being?
As children, our world is small, safe, and predictable. Then, horizons expand. We glimpse possibilities we never knew existed, and this awakening, while exhilarating, can also bring a sense of unease.
There’s a story about Rabbi Yisrael Salanter, a great mystic. When he married, his in-laws made a generous offer – to support him and his wife so he could devote himself to study and prayer. It was tempting, for sure, but the Rabbi wisely declined. He compared it to returning to the womb – comfortable, perhaps, but stifling to a soul meant to grow and thrive.
Every child cries on their first day of school, feels a pang of sadness when they leave for summer camp. These are echoes of that primal fear of the unknown, the discomfort of leaving the familiar. Yet, this venturing out is essential for growth.
A seed must surrender its form, must erode and decompose, to become a plant. Gold must melt to be molded into something beautiful. Creativity itself often arises from frustration – the greater the struggle, the more magnificent the result.
Have you ever poured your heart into a project, faced writer’s block, or felt lost in a sea of information? That confusion, that struggle, is part of the process. As we push through, patterns emerge, clarity dawns, and we reach new levels of understanding.
The Larger Narrative of Pain
Now, you might ask, “That’s all well and good for normal growing pains, but what about real suffering? The physical and emotional pain that some endure – how can that be justified?”
Indeed, there are mysteries we may never fully comprehend. This isn’t about minimizing suffering or offering easy answers to complex theological questions. The question of why good people suffer is a conversation for another time.
But the very fact that pain, in its many forms, exists, speaks to its integral role in the process of growth. Could a loving God have designed a different system, one devoid of discomfort? Perhaps. But would that truly be growth? Or simply a stagnant existence, devoid of the challenges that force us to adapt, evolve, and become more?
I recall struggling to learn how to dive as a teenager. I was a strong swimmer, yet I couldn’t bring myself to jump from the diving board. It wasn’t fear of the water, but something else, something I couldn’t quite articulate. Finally, a friend gave me an unexpected push, and I plunged in. The relief, the exhilaration, was immediate.
Later, I realized my fear stemmed from that moment of suspension – not on the ground, not yet in the water, but in between. That transition, as fleeting as it was, represented a shift, a change in my known world, and that was what unsettled me.
Embracing the Discomfort
Life is a series of transitions, like frames in a film or chapters in a book. The present moment is but one frame, one chapter. The greatest joys often follow periods of immense hardship.
Especially in times of turmoil and tragedy, like the ongoing conflict in Gaza, it’s crucial to remember this. While we must never minimize suffering, holding onto the larger narrative, understanding that this too is part of a story still unfolding, can provide strength and solace.
We pray for minimal suffering, of course, but even when it arises, we can choose to see it as a catalyst for growth. The shedding of old ways, the shedding of our limitations, is rarely easy.
Remember the crab that endures the pain of molting to emerge with a stronger shell, or the butterfly that emerges, transformed, from its chrysalis. We, too, are capable of such metamorphosis.
The Unfolding Potential Within
So, I leave you with this question: What are you capable of? How much potential lies dormant within you, waiting to be awakened?
It’s a challenging question, because we often underestimate our own capacity for growth. The journey might be marked by discomfort, by moments of uncertainty and fear, but it is in those moments that we truly discover who we are meant to be.
Believe in yourself. Believe in others. Embrace the challenges that come your way, for they are not roadblocks, but rather stepping stones on your path to becoming the best and greatest version of yourself.
Thank you for joining me. Please visit MeaningfulLife.com for a wealth of resources on navigating life’s challenges and living a more fulfilling life. Subscribe, share, and let us know your thoughts. May we all continue to grow, to reach heights we never thought possible. Be blessed, be well.
