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I watch
the flames as they dance and burn. I lean ever closer, trying
to hear the story they tell. I look at the colors moving in
rhythm; the red waltzes with the blue, the white tangos with
the yellow. The glittering lights reflect off my transfixed
eyes and as I stare into their dazzling faces I can feel myself
being pulled into their warm embrace. It’s as if I no
longer watch the flames but they watch me; it’s as if
I no longer listen to their story but they listen to mine –
and, as the space between the flames and myself begins to blur,
I am transported to a place far away, far away within me: I
have become part of the story…
…Winds howl in the frostbitten night. The slivery moon,
waning with yet another month, looks like an icicle in the
blackness above. Through my visible breath I see the tail
of a shooting star frozen in mid-flight.
I stand there shivering, rubbing my numb hands together in
an attempt at creating some semblance of feeling. I am bundled
in many layers, covered in many coats, but no material can
thaw this bone-chill, no fur can melt this iced heart.
All the homes, once places of light and warmth, have been
destroyed: rubble and debris line the cobblestone streets.
I can feel its murky stale breath on the back of my neck;
an ominous gray cloud brushing against my consciousness. My
trembling lips, bruise-purple from the cold, try to speak
words, but all that comes out is a steely whimper.
I look to the holy Temple, for the luminance that once radiated
the entire world, for the warmth that once blanketed the entire
earth; but all I see is a hard darkness: I see people worshiping
a thousand idols, their G-d long forgotten; I see bodies sculpted
by Achilles, souls long ignored; I see minds shaped by Aristotle,
hearts long resigned.
I crawl on all fours, sifting through the rubble, looking
for a drop of the purity that once was. I look for hours,
for days, but all I find is hopelessness. All has been defiled;
all has been soiled. The darkness is too deep; the depths
are too dark. It seems once we’ve become guilty we can
never retrieve our innocence. It seems once we are lost we
can never again be found.
And then, as my numb fingers begin to fall limp, as my frozen
eyelashes begin to close, as my trembling lips begin to lie
down, I see it. Beneath the countless layers of filth, under
the heaping piles of stone-cold idols, underneath the filmy
mounds of soot and dust, I can see hope. With the last of
my energy, my hand reaches for that little spark buried way
down below. And, as my tingling fingers caress that last drop
of purity, I know that darkness doesn’t stand a chance…
… I blink and the flames come back into focus. And,
as the flames continue to speak, I realize the story still
dances on. The search for light in darkness, the search for
truth in falseness, the search for purity in defilation, the
search for warmth in coldness, happens every day.
Chanukah, the Festival of Lights: no matter how dark things
may seem, no matter how bleak a situation may be, there is
always that drop of oil that can never be contaminated, that
drop of oil that always floats to the top.
I am watching the candles; the candles are watching me. I
listen to their story; they listen to mine. Their warmth is
my warmth; their light is my light; their story is my story
– it is the story of light.
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