By Sy Dorfman
It’s easy to love when you haven’t been challenged. A true test of love is when you feel vulnerable and there’s risks involved and it’s not all under your control.
A true relationship requires that each person remains an individual, distinct, unique—and at the same time there is a closeness and an intimacy and a love between them. On one hand, it requires two individuals to respect each other’s feelings—even though you don’t agree with it.
When you really respect someone else, you respect their positions, their opinions, you respect their needs. It may be different than your own needs. It’s a sense of respect beyond you that you find in another person—that you may disagree with. That is critical for a relationship to be healthy—maintaining boundaries and respecting the individuality of the people involved.
And then you have to have the closeness of coming together. When you really love someone in a healthy way, there’s a certain element that you’re drawn to that is beyond your usual tolerance, and you’re willing to see things from their standpoint. Their self-interest and emotional needs are different than yours.
On one hand, we want to control everything in our lives, including love—but love can’t be controlled if it’s going to be healthy. It’s precisely its mysterious nature that makes it love—where you don’t know what’s going to happen. It’s unexpected.
And it’s about experiencing that enchantment with another person. If it’s all mapped out, and your completely in control of it It’s not going to be what love is -as a matter of fact. All love dies when it begins to be controlled like that.
You may not like something-so it’s about embracing in a way that’s clear of control. The more you pursue love, the less you will access it. So what should you be doing that allows love to emerge inside of you and your soulmate?
It’s a question of what’s important to both of you and what do you dedicate yourself to that will allow these more eternal feelings to emerge. It’s not about what you’re in the mood to do—even if you’re overwhelmed, uncomfortable, dissatisfied, disappointed. You do it whether you’re ready or not.
You try to get yourself to a place where you feel confident and positive. That commitment you make carries you in times when you are weak. That commitment keeps you strong and carries you in times when you are weak. That commitment keeps you strong and carriesÂ
A true commitment will carry you and hold you up in times of need.
The more you are aware, the more you accept people for the way they are, the more you try to compliment people and raise them to a higher level—the more it will make you feel confident, important, and special.
