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Love Is Not Judgment

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what is love

This one goes out to all the single and dating people out there, and to the married people too.

There is one thing that love is not, and that’s judgement. Growing up in the Western world, we’re given the message that we’re only worthy of love if we meet certain criteria. Conversely, the culture at large teaches us that we can only love someone or something that meets our expectations. Our children fail and we treat them like losers, our spouses don’t measure up so we look elsewhere. Our parents were the harbingers of our psychological problems, and our friends don’t show up the way we want them to. If only people were better — if only they would measure up — it would be so much easier to love.

Um, No

Love is experienced through being be able to hold simultaneous truths. The infinite wisdom of the intelligence of the universe created us as imperfect creatures with plenty of work to do on ourselves. Love, as an entity, is not dependent on perfection. If it were dependent on perfection, it would mean that only a perfect power way above reality is deserving of love, since every single human is created with problems to work out over time. Love is holding space for imperfections.

You Are Worthy of Love, and So is Everybody Else

Love is your birthright. It’s your birthright to receive it, and it’s your birthright to give it to other people. You can stop telling yourself that you’re only worthy of love if you are perfect and if you please other people. You, and everybody else, is worthy of love by virtue of the fact that you exist. Birth is G-d saying that you matter. Love is not a competition. It’s not an elimination battle. It’s something that we are born to receive and born to give, regardless of levels of perfection.

Exercise: Think of one person you have, or wish to have, a loving relationship with. Assess your level of judgment toward that person.  Record your answer in MyMLC.

 


Go deeper into this subject: Bamidbar: Unconditional Love, The Cosmic Marriage: All About Unconditional Love

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Seeker of the truth
7 months ago

The idea that “You, and everybody else, is worthy of love by virtue of the fact that you exist” is a noble sentiment of divine merit. But I do not see how anyone on earth can love everyone regardless of how they behave. Should a single person marry the first random person they meet on the street, or on the bus or subway, without taking into consideration anything about how they live their life? That seems like a bad idea. The whole process of dating or courtship is a process of inspection and comparison, for the purpose of making a judgment about whether you want to spend the rest of your life with this person, and make babies with this person, and merge your finances with this person. Right? This is an important judgment to make. Does Rabbi Simon Jacobson really recommend that single people marry others indiscriminately and randomly? Employment interviews, and pre-employment background checks, also serve the same purpose: to make a judgment about whether to bring a stranger into the company. So, I don’t understand how any sensible, wise person would or could function well in the world while loving everyone regardless of how they behave. Maybe G-d can operate that way. But human beings? I don’t see how. If there’s something I’m missing in my understanding of all of this, I’d love to know what it is.

Jenna
1 year ago

Thank you for helping me get one step closer to finding my soul mate.

dovid shechter
1 year ago

second comment

Ryan Enquilino
2 years ago

For me love is love. Hehehe yes love

Raphael
2 years ago

I believe love is when you learn to put other peoples needs first before yours. When you are able to make sacrifices for someone else without they themselves knowing about just how much you have sacrificed for them.Lastly love is when you can still be happy for someone you claim to love when they are happy in a relationship even if its not with you…

You first must learn to love yourself before you can love someone else.Remember you can’t give what you don’t have.

amara
2 years ago

I Love it

katleen MARIZ
2 years ago

I didnt experience love except in my family and friends because i have no bf because i want to continue my dreams

Reagan
3 years ago

This is helpful…
I judge alot… Looking for perfection which rarely exists…. But I still would love to take my time

vikram
3 years ago

I realy don’t know what is love , I don’t know how to love, only thing that I know is whom to love but I can’t arise the feeling of love into her . I’m not upset for that I just want to be happy for her that’s it. Thanks …..