“I struggle with judging others. How can I become less judgmental?”

Judgmentalism, when you dissect it, really comes down to this: When a person is really secure with themselves they have no reason and need to be judgmental of others. They have their own identity and they’re not in any way insecure or envious or jealous of anyone else’s position. But when you are insecure, and you struggle with your own self, you become very prone to be judgmental and critical of everyone else. Judgmentalism in anyone’s life is an opportunity to look inside your heart and soul and figure out: What do you stand for? If you can’t answer that question — “What do I stand for? What do I believe in? What causes am I ready to fight for? What am I passionate about?” — rest assured you are very likely to be criticizing others because you don’t have your own identity so the easiest thing to do is to criticize someone else’s.

Now there are times when other people do things that deserve to be challenged; that do deserve perhaps judgment. But we’re not the ones that sit in judgment. Each of us have our own weaknesses and flaws. When we judge others, then in a sense we are bringing their judgment upon us.

The healthiest thing to do, especially if you care about someone, is not to judge them but to try to help improve the situation. But again, that comes down to being secure. When you’re insecure you will not be involved in a constructive and productive type of criticism. It will be a criticism saying, “If you’re wrong then I may be then right.” Really healthy people, secure people, don’t need others to be wrong for them to be right.

Unfortunately we live in a very insecure world with all our technologies, with all our comforts. There is a certain erosion on the inner self. Maybe from growing up in homes where our parents did not validate us, or criticized us. Maybe it’s due to other factors in society — the dog-eats-dog mentality. Regardless of the reason, judmentalism is an outgrowth of inner insecurity. To challenge your own judgmentalism, figure out what you stand for and what you believe in, what makes you tick, why are you here, and what makes you indispensable in the big equation; what do you have to give that no one else can give?

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