Is the mystique and the romance, the music and the moonlight,
just nature’s way of hoodwinking males and females to reproduce?
The full moon of Av is know as Tu B’Av and is associated with relationships and falling in love. What is the secret to love? So much has been written about love and relationships that one can wonder what more can be added that hasn’t been said before? Yet, as long as healthy love remains elusive and we continue to grapple with building and maintaining enduring relationships, clearly there are missing ingredients.
As we continue to search for the secret formula to finding love and not losing it, here are several love words to help us unlock the heart to the mystery of love.
The greatest distance in the world is from the heart to the mind.
Before love handles you, you had best get a handle on love. This is the trick: While you are in love, you can’t rationally understand love. Love communicates in the language of the heart; understanding is the language of the mind. This is why you will find so many incomprehensibly hurtful relationships. Once you are in your heart, you are out of your mind. The key is to understand love before love doesn’t allow you to. This is done through healthy education, starting at day one of your (and your children’s) existence.
You first have to melt yourself before you shine as one with another. We live in a material world. A fundamental of matter is definition, where every element is specifically defined. One physical object is not another physical object. Love is the exact opposite of defined matter. Love is undefined spirit. Love is the spiritual process of two defined material objects becoming one indefinable spiritual core. Ever notice the glow of an old couple who are in love after many, many years of marriage? Long-term love is like two nuggets of gold melting together. The nuggets must melt before they fuse into one brilliant piece of polished gold.
Love consists of three points, which form a triangle: 1) you, 2) the person you love, and 3) the Creator of both of you; an element of spirituality, the quest for something divine. A line between two points is wonderful but it is not love. Love is a triangle, between man, woman, and a spiritual presence of the Creator. Spirituality is the element that takes two one-dimensional points and turns them into a tripod upon which the world can stand. The spiritual dimension of a relationship is what differentiates true love from other relationships.
Love is a boat. And love is also an anchor. The world is a raging ocean. Love allows you to ride the waves with confidence and agility. And love also anchors you into the unwavering ocean bed of what really matters. It seems almost paradoxical: How can love make me more flexible while also making me more grounded? This is only because, like the greatest of truths, love is a bridge between opposites.
Falling in love is easy. Some people fall in love every hour on the hour. After all, with gravity and all, falling into anything isn’t exactly rocket science. The hard part is rising in love, ascending to new heights because of love, transcending predictable patterns because of love. Rising in love is done through nesting. The nest you and your spouse build is how we take the indefinable spirit that is love and concretize it in this here defined material world. It is called building an everlasting edifice in a very material way with a very eternal spirit.
Birds are best known for their wings by which they fly. The bird is the symbol of freedom, the ability to soar to unfathomable heights. A love that puts you in a cage is not love. A love that allows you to walk is not love. A love that inspires you to run is not love. A love that makes you want to jump up and down is not love. But a love that inspires you to fly? Now that is a true love. Love takes you to a higher place.
While we can rely on these cute epitaphs to tune into the language of love, there is one — though not sole — thing to remember about love. Love is all about becoming greater than you are on your own. Such a process requires self-refinement and spiritual growth on the part of both people in the relationship. True love requires effort.