Would You Like to Judge Yourself?

May 28th, 2014

Know… before whom you are destined to give a judgment and accounting.

Ethics of the Fathers, 3:1

Said Rabbi Israel Baal Shem Tov: When a person comes before the supernal court to account for his sojourn on earth, he is first asked to voice his opinion on another life. “What do you think,” he is asked, “about one who has done so and so?” After he offers his verdict, it is demonstrated to him how these deeds and circumstances parallel those of his own life. Ultimately, it is the person himself who passes judgment on his own failings and achievements.[1]

This explains the peculiar wording of the above passage of the Ethics, “before whom you are destined to give a judgment and accounting.” Is not the verdict handed down after the cross-examination of the defendant? So should not the “judgment” follow the “accounting”? And why are you destined to “give judgment” as opposed to being judged? But no judgment is ever passed on a person from above. Only after he has himself ruled on any given deed does the heavenly court make him account for a matching episode in his own life.

The same idea is also implicit in another passage in our chapter of the Ethics: “Retribution is extracted from a person, with his knowledge and without his knowledge.”[2] As a person knowingly expresses his opinion on a certain matter, he is unwittingly passing judgment on himself.

What we have here is a most profound insight into the specialty of the human soul. In all of creation, nothing is loftier than the “spark of G-dliness”[3] that is the soul of man. This is reflected in the fact that man has been given the power of choice—a power he shares only with the Creator Himself.

Free choice allows him to stumble and err, but it is also what makes his potential for good infinitely greater than G-d’s more spiritual creations.

So even when a soul comes to stand in judgment, implying that there are perhaps faults and failings in its past performance, no judge, be it the loftiest and most spiritual of heavenly beings, has any jurisdiction over its fate. The only power on earth or heaven that can judge man is man himself.

This is an excerpt from “Beyond the Letter of the Law” by Yanki Tauber published by The Meaningful Life Center.

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Tags: judgment, heaven, Ball Shem Tov
Posted in Months & Holidays, Chapter Three, Pirkei Avos, Ethics of Our Fathers, Torah, Nisan | 1 Comment »

Depression & Mental Illness

May 28th, 2014

Mike Feder: Hello everybody. This is Mike Feder and I’m here with Rabbi Simon Jacobson. Tonight we are going to talk about depression and mental illness.

First of all, let me mention before we plunge into the program, that last week we got some really great calls, and we want you to call in for tonight’s show. The number to call at WEVD is 212-244-1050.

Tonight’s topic is something I’ve wanted to talk about for a long time and it’s a topic that’s been all over the newspapers in the last week or two. There have been articles about it in the New York Times. Here’s one right in front of me from a week ago.

It says, in effect, that according to statistics, over 19,000,000 Americans (that’s a lot of people) over the age of 18 are affected by depression, and for many it is considered to be a medical condition.

I read another article the other day that the number of suicides is up, especially among young people. It’s like a plague. So the question is, where do you think this comes from and what’s it all about? What is the cause and what is the meaning of such a huge problem like this?

Simon Jacobson: Well first of all, as an overall perspective, dealing with a topic of this nature is quite difficult because I don’t believe in discussing this academically or cerebrally, but when you put yourself in the shoes of people and their families who suffer, it is quite demoralizing and the negative experiences are quite powerful. In many ways, mental illness, depression, however you want to categorize it, is much worse than almost any other illness. It is not necessary more life threatening, which it can be, but because it so erodes a person’s confidence…

Feder: You suffer from despair…

Jacobson: It erodes the confidence of an individual, and exhibits a lack of control in the ability to function, the inability to follow what your mind tells you because your emotions simply take over. By extension, it also demoralizes families, because there’s nothing more demoralizing than lack of control.

And when it comes to the mind, which is a very complex organism, anything that affects it, whether it be a chemical imbalance, or depression, or whatever form you want to call mental illness, has directly impact on human dignity.

Once human dignity is affected, you are confronted with a secondary problem, even more powerful than the original one, because there’s the shame, the resignation, the inability to make a move, the paralysis.

So I want to begin with a disclaimer that there needs to be sensitivity in addressing something of this nature, particularly when we’re talking to people who have either been affected by it or are families, relatives and friends of people who have been affected by it.

It’s also important to distinguish between clinical depression, where it becomes a medical condition to the extent that intervention is necessary outside of the human being, whether it’s pharmaceutical intervention, meaning you need drugs, or other types of intervention…

Feder: Shock treatment, hospitals…

Jacobson: To that extent, right. And even therapy to the point where you have a combination of all of the above, as opposed to a depression where people go “through the blues” or even severe forms of it, but it is more or less within the individual’s control.

But there is a thin line between the two, because one definitely leads into the next, and sometimes it’s hard to distinguish between them because it could be a combination of many things. It could be things that are out of your control, but it could be things that are in your control.

I think a very wise and sensitive approach is that you never undermine the human dignity, and you do allow a person to use everything in their resources to achieve some type of strength and confidence, supplementing that with whatever may be necessary to get out of that particular situation or create a balance, an alignment, so the person can move forward.

In a show like this it’s important to distinguish between the two because they’re not in the same category.

Now, your questions are very legitimate ones. I was thinking when you were asking them, what was going on 100 or 200 years ago? Did they not have statistics? Did they not have a sophisticated understanding of mental illness so instead people were just written off as crazy or…

Feder: Locked away and not treated…

Jacobson: Exactly. People unable to function were just put in one big pot where everyone was non-functional, whereas today there’s more of an understanding that there are different levels of that, there are bouts, there are ups and down, and so on.

So it’s very hard to make a comparison to previous generations because we don’t have statistics, things weren’t measured the same way then.

Feder: I’ll tell you, I think you’re right about not being able to make a comparison between 100 years ago and now, but you know, these statistics from 20 or 30 years ago, there’s an exponentially tremendous leap in the number of people who are depressed or even visibly depressed. Something is happening.

Jacobson: Oh yes, of course. I made that statement not in any way to diminish or to minimize the fact that there are statistics, high rates of suicide, etc. Obviously, without being oversimplistic, the thing you can point at, whenever you find an erosion of self-confidence, whenever you find a higher rate of suicide, especially by young people who at birth did not show any visible mental handicaps, and the statistics that you cited earlier, it’s very glaring how it’s so much connected to the general view of ourselves in society today.

And this is a theme we’ve been touching on consistently, which is, how significant and meaningful is your life? So even if it’s, you mention 19,000,000 people, and even if it’s just a small percentage of teenagers that actually will commit suicide, G-d forbid, or think about it, that doesn’t mean that those who don’t think about it do have that self-confidence. It just means that for some it hasn’t reached that extreme. Some people can be in denial of their own insignificance.

But we live in a society where there’s a very deep undermining (not intentional by any person or individual), it’s just a vicious cycle, of real self-worth. For example, take a look at the media. Billions and trillions of dollars go into mass media, where essentially the message that we project to people is that value lies in superficial externals. Whether it be television, radio, the internet, newspapers, they are all essentially trying to sell people a product. Advertising has become highly sophisticated in its psychological approach. A friend I know tells me he was once a therapist and decided to change careers and go into advertising. I asked him, “How is it going?” And he said he was doing the same thing except he’s being paid ten times as much. He said here he’s manipulating minds and emotions, and there he was trying to understand the mind and heart in order to help bring some healing.

Feder: You call that the same thing? I’m glad I never saw him as a shrink!

Jacobson: The same thing meaning he’s using his expertise in understanding the workings of the mind… And people do respond to subliminal messages, etc. But essentially it comes down to this: youth is worshipped, money is worshipped, status, looks, beauty, and from this what message do you get about your value? The message is that your value is based on how much you achieve or what rung of the ladder you’ve climbed in status or how much buying power you have, how young you look.

Feder: What shape you’re in.

Jacobson: You even see the obsession with cosmetic surgery and how much that has grown in leaps and bounds, how much has been invested. Now, per se, that may not be a problem, but when it’s imbalanced, and it’s only that, and there isn’t any cultivation of human spirit or that your value doesn’t go far beyond the externals, the transient, then it’s inevitable—in a culture that worships youth, when a person grows a little older and there’s a point where you cannot hide that age any longer—how could they not go into some type of depression?

Now, the fact that one needs to age to recognize this reality just means that it took a little while for that awareness to emerge. But even while the person has everything that it takes, and they have the looks and money and all of that, nevertheless the bottom line is that in their subconscious, the message is that your value is based on those externals. When the internal compass or internal voice that is most important to nurture and nourish—the spirit and soul—is completely ignored, there has to be a deep hunger and thirst that has to express itself in a form of undermining of one’s own confidence and self-esteem and dignity

Feder: But your personal worth is virtually non-existent.

Jacobson: Now, I want to qualify that statement as well. By no means am I trying to say that the cause of depression and the cause of clinical depression is a result of our culture or of the media or of this undermining.

What I am saying is that this type of environment doesn’t help. And I would say that in some cases it is the beginning of the roots of the problem. Sometimes the roots go back to the home. Remember, this isn’t just an issue of the media, it’s also what our parents tell us, because our parents are also influenced by the media, and they’re also influenced by the mass culture and mass mentality. So essentially a child is told that if you don’t do this, you’re not special. The type of message that a mother and father should be telling a child, that you are unconditionally indispensable and valuable no matter what you do—I don’t mean no matter what in a bad way—I mean even if your looks are not perfect, even if your money is not perfect, even if your status isn’t up there, all those are externals, and you are valuable because you have a spirit, because G-d put you here, because you have something to contribute. But that message is not given to us as children, so the fact that a child grows up intact, I would say, is just despite the odds.

Because the truth is, everything is stacked up against that child, so then it’s like any type of combustion. There are many causes that lead to a fire, but when you create a situation where there’s a lot of pressure from many different angles, then any spark can be the catalyst, and there comes a point where you can’t really distinguish what really led this person into a state of such depression and even mental illness.

Now I am distinguishing between someone who’s born with, or has developed, a chemical imbalance that really just happens (there are reasons for everything I’m sure) but you can’t really point your finger at a non-nurturing home, it could be a person who has a spiritual center and still has gone to such a state. That’s why I want to make sure that it’s not a black and white generalization. I’m just making a comment that I have no doubt that if people had that self-esteem and that celebration of spirit, there’s no doubt that it would help in many situations, and I would say even in a clinical one, it cannot hurt to have that type of message.

You know, when you hear the stories about an autistic child, where it’s clearly a medical condition and not a psychological one (it’s psychological to a certain extent, but I mean to say that it’s not a result of human error)—it’s a genetic issue, and you hear the story of how mothers dedicated their lives to love that child, to do everything possible, and you hear that miracles have happened in how a child can perform: the optimism, the dignity.

And then of course the other extreme is that parents are so ashamed that they hide the child in a basement or they lock them away, or they ignore the issue and say that it’s not my child. The message that is being told to the spirit of that child is quite powerful. And I don’t buy it when people just say that the child is unaware, because the spirit is always aware.

And we’ll discuss that, because I’d like to discuss the issue of what exactly, from a spiritual or cosmic dimension, is depression and mental illness.

Feder: Okay, so now you’ve been talking about definitions and causes. But before we move on, let’s take a call from Pinchas.

Caller: Rabbi Jacobson, this is one of your friends from Boro Park. I just wanted to ask you a question. I happen to deal with people who have this problem of depression, not clinical depression. I would like to ask you, what would you recommend as therapy for these people. When you see the person, what would you say to the person just to remove the first pain of the depression?

Jacobson: Thank you for the question. If you don’t mind, we will get to some answers a little later in the show, but since we’re doing this in order, it’s wiser to try to put it into perspective. So we’ll take the questions, some I’ll try to answer immediately, and others I’ll answer throughout the show. But I will say this, which is a springboard to our next thought, but as the Baal Shem Tov says, for every question there’s an answer, and for every answer there’s another question. So all questions will be answered, and all answers will have new questions!

Feder: Well, that could make you feel a little depressed!

Jacobson: Well, look at it as climbing a ladder. But the caller did just address something that is important to recognize that on the radio here it’s very hard to make any generalizations. When you’re dealing with a topic like this, it’s critical to look at it on a case by case basis. In every situation case by case is necessary, but here even more so because there are so many intricate elements and details and nuances and subtleties: family dynamics, the position of that person at work, do they have a spouse, what else is going on in their life. So it’s critical to know what is going on with all that before just suggesting what to do.

But I will make some suggestions in response to this caller, but before we do that, I’d like to address the actual issue in a—I don’t want to call it mystical —but let’s call it a more spiritual perspective.

In a sense, you can ask the question, why would G-d allow for such a dichotomy between mind and heart, between human emotions and intellect, to take place—an imbalance of this nature, where a person can lose control of his or her own life.

Of course, this touches on the issue of why G-d allows any good people to suffer, and in general, human suffering as a whole, because this is clearly in that same category. But I was thinking about an interesting thing: you know I didn’t even realize it when we determined to do this topic, that in the Jewish calendar now we’re in a period of time that you can say is the cosmic healing from a cosmic state of depression.

Now let me explain what I mean. In the Jewish calendar, we are now in the Seven Weeks of Consolation, which follow the Three Weeks of Lamentation or grief or the three weeks of pain and suffering, (concluding with Tisha B’Av, the three weeks) and the seven weeks that follow are in a sense a consolation which conclude with Rosh Hashanah.

Now just for the record, the Three Weeks are essentially the period of time in which the destruction of the Holy Temple in Jerusalem took place close to 2,000 years ago; both the First Temple and the Second Temple, the first one destroyed by the Babylonians, and the second one by the Romans, of which the only thing that remains is the outer wall, or Western Wall. It is commemorated on the calendar with the beginning of the Three Weeks being a fast day of mourning and grieving—that’s when they breached the wall—and concluding with Tisha B’Av, the saddest day in the Jewish calendar, which is the day when the actual building was burned down, both in the First and Second Temples, interestingly enough, 490 years apart.

Now, that’s the historical element. But on a mystical dimension, or you could say on a deeper level, why do Jews still grieve almost 2,000 years later? Because the Temple represented much more than just a building, it represented the Divine presence in this world. It represented a window between heaven and earth, between spirit and matter, between our purpose of existence and our existence. And in a sense, with the destruction of the Temple, a certain window was closed.

Feder: Cutting us off from G-d.

Jacobson: From G-d, and in a way, from our own quintessential selves, and our own purpose of existence. So in a way you can say all pain, all tragedy, all suffering, is a symptom and a result, because if a person is in touch with their higher calling, and what (I’ll use simple English) you do is connected with what you are, if you can solve it at that root level, most problems will be solved automatically.

It’s when you lose touch with yourself, in a sense you wander away from your own calling, you don’t know why you’re here. You don’t have any real driving force to wake up in the morning.

Feder: So maybe you might add that if you’re separated from a Divine order, or a sense of the Divine order…

Jacobson: Right. Being connected or anchored to something that’s absolute. Then you’re not just swept away by the vicissitudes and the ups and downs of material life, you know, today my boss was in a good mood so I’m in a good mood, tomorrow my client is obnoxious so that blows my day.

In other words you’re holding onto a tree that’s anchored with deep roots into absolutes of certain standards, of certain values, a certain center or core. Then, when life shakes you up, twigs and branches may break off the tree, but the tree remains stout and firm.

The Three Weeks is the name of this period of the year. Why “three”? Three refers to the three intellectual faculties that are cut off from the emotions. In Kabbalistic thought, the cosmic picture, or the human psyche is divided into two categories of three and seven. I don’t want to get too complicated, but it is a form of dichotomy, or a cut-off, a disalignment, out of sync between your mind and your heart.

And the Seven Weeks of Consolation, in a sense, is realigning the heart once again with the mind, where you do have a form of reconciliation where those three weeks which would be considered a form of depression, a form of not exactly mental illness, but it’s a cut-off…

Feder: A splitting off…

Jacobson: Between two parts is realigned and reconnected into one seamless whole.

Feder: Do these seven weeks end with the High Holidays, reuniting with the Divine presence?

Jacobson: That’s the objective, of course; that there’s a consolation and a healing that follows this split.

Now, by no means is this a justification, nor is it an explanation for human depression. But I did want to place it in a more subtle form, in microcosm,

Feder: As above so below…

Jacobson: Yes. Something like that. That it does exist. And remember, when a human being created in the Divine image suffers from any type of mental illness or depression, it’s not just an anomaly, but it does have roots in the dichotomy of existence itself.

As soon as G-d’s presence is hidden from us, as soon as we can be split between who you are and what you do, that immediately is, in a sense, a split that can lead to more severe forms of mental imbalance.

Feder: Taking the great circle root here, everything you’ve said is necessary to be said, but is there any possible answer to the listener’s call before?

Jacobson: Oh, this was not just an introduction to the caller’s question, I think I’d like to dedicate an answer to that further in the show: suggestions of what can be done…

Feder: More hands-on.

Okay let’s split off for a moment from the conversation. You are listening to Rabbi Simon Jacobson, and this is Toward a Meaningful Life with Simon Jacobson. My name is Mike Feder and we’re here every Sunday night from 6-7pm and you’re listening to WEVD, 1050AM in New York City.

This show is an outgrowth of the Meaningful Life Center in Brooklyn, and this show is also based very much on Rabbi Jacobson’s book called Toward a Meaningful Life, in which almost every subject that you hear discussed on the air here is discussed in the book.

We really want to thank everyone who has emailed us or written or called us. Here are some of the ways you can get in touch with us, and we want to hear from you. The most important thing is the telephone number: 1-800-3MEANING or 1-800-363-2646. You can also email us at wisdomreb@meaningfullife.com. You can always write to us at The Meaningful Life Center, 788 Eastern Parkway, Suite 303, Brooklyn, NY 11225.

I’d like to also tell you that we have a new website where you can download transcripts of this program, and previous and future programs. It’s www.meaningfullife.com.

Now, I’ve got all kinds of questions, but is there anything you’d like to talk about first?

Jacobson: Yes. There’s a reason I connected the physical depression to the spiritual depression, not to console us, but in a way it is a form of consolation because we have to realize that certain realities of life are such, that we live in a world where there’s always a state of depression, because the only place where there would not be any type of depression or sadness is in a perfect world, in a paradise world, a utopia.

But as soon as a human being is created, there are two voices or two forces or two energies—the evil inclination and the good inclination—as soon as a human being has the ability to be hypocritical, to lie, to be deceitful, you immediately have a situation where the reality is split into two at least.

Now, by no means does this mean that this causes depression, but recognizing this split is recognizing the root or the environment in which we live in. And knowing that teaches us how precarious and how fragile life is. You don’t have to wait for depression to hit to realize that there’s a problem. The problem exists even before one actually suffers from depression.

Feder: So the ground is fertile.

Jacobson: Very fertile. And particularly, as I mentioned earlier, we can have a society that values certain things, which has nothing to do with your true value. You, Mike, or myself or our listeners can be valued for something that has really nothing to do with you. It could be completely circumstantial. You inherited a million dollars so suddenly you’re valued. Or you have something that somebody wants. And that, in a sense, is what’s called in Chassidic terminology living in a false world, a world that lies, a world that is able to lie.

Feder: So you could be just as depressed by being valued for the wrong thing as being not valued for the right thing.

Jacobson: Right. Knowing that this is a cosmic problem, not just an individual anomaly, we’re all affected by it. That’s why Tisha B’Av is not just for people who are depressed, it’s for all of us. It is a wake up call to all people, including those who don’t know that they perhaps should feel that there’s a dichotomy in our lives.

What it does is, it puts things in a certain perspective that allows a person to figure out what to do about it. Where do we go from here?

And again, we must distinguish between clinical (once it gets to a point where it’s medical) or for some other reason that clearly need intervention that’s beyond what I’m going to describe here.

Feder: We have a call from Carol. You’re on the air. Go ahead.

Caller: Hi. I’d like to ask how the principle of Tisha B’Av and the Three Weeks and the Seven Weeks that you mentioned applies to non-Jews who don’t observe those per se as Jews do?

Jacobson: The response to that is based on a Midrash. The Midrash says, interestingly, that the Holy Temple is not just for the Jews. It says that had the non-Jews known what the Holy Temple accomplishes for them, the blessings that it bestows upon them, the fact that it’s a channel for G-dliness—not just for the Jews but for the entire world—they would have surrounded it and protected it and not allowed it to be destroyed.

As a matter of fact, in one of the prophecies it says that the Holy Temple is a house for prayer, a place that is like a channel between the Divine and the entire world.

So though it’s clearly a Jewish Temple in that sense (but there’s an element in Judaism and in the Torah that is universal), the G-dly presence in this world clearly brings blessings to all of us, because everyone is created in the Divine image. And when there’s less of a dichotomy between heaven and earth, it’s a universal blessing, not just a Jewish issue.

But the Midrash is what I cite, particularly for this questioner.

Feder: But you know, there are relevant holidays like this in every religion where there is loss, suffering and mourning, and then there is redemption and healing.

Jacobson:

So the message of healing and redemption is universal. Now to go back to where we’re at (we were talking about intervention), clearly, in a large topic like this, in a situation where it’s been determined that a person is not in control of his or her own selves, like a “demon” that’s taken over (I just use the word “demon” as a metaphor), professional help may be necessary and should be pursued, particularly if the person is a danger to themselves.

Feder: It they can cause injury to themselves or others.

Jacobson: Right. So clearly then you can’t just sit down and say, “let’s talk,” but I always believe that unless there’s an immediate danger, with respect to human dignity you always want to give the person the option of doing something about it before something has to be done.

Feder: Can you explain that more clearly?

Jacobson: In other words, if you see someone who’s behaving in a destructive way, the first option you’d like to say is, “Take responsibility for your life and take your life in your hands.” The reason we like to do that is not because we want to avoid more serious intervention, we want to respect an individual’s dignity.

Feder: So this is before just laying a treatment on a person.

Jacobson: Right. I’m just stating, for example, let’s say you have a child, or a friend, G-d forbid, or someone who simply seems to be becoming more and more isolated, locking themselves up, and you notice it and it’s important to keep your eyes open, so the first thing you don’t want to do is panic and run to a psychiatrist in a hospital. The first thing is to have a conversation. Can you communicate and see what’s going on?

Often, when it comes to the point where a person can’t communicate or they are self-destructive, you can’t just wait and sit around. But I’m talking about a situation where you see signs and it may take years for something to really become debilitating to the point of being unable to communicate with him and try to reinforce his self-confidence to do something about it, because, as I said earlier, probably the single most secondary problem after the initial depression itself, is a lack of confidence. It starts eroding your own will. You start seeing yourself in a very shameful light, you want to lock yourself up, you don’t want anyone to see you in that way, so what happens is you lose your will power, and once you lose your will power…

Feder: It just builds on itself…

Jacobson: Exactly. So the immune system doesn’t want to fight, in a sense…

Feder: The psychic immune system.

Jacobson: And it is critical to encourage a person and give him that power. And how does one do that? So here, we always talk about G-d and soul and spirit, when it comes to this issue, frankly, including G-d in the solution is critical, because ultimately the only argument that you can tell someone when they really feel down and say “my life isn’t really worth it, I don’t want to go on, or, it’s just a mess,” and they give all rational reasons, and they’ll explain why…

Feder: A divorce, a separation, a death…

Jacobson: The only way to hold onto some type of, what’s called “bitochen,” or trust, faith, hope, is to rise above your own self, above the mortal, above the mundane, and reach to something that is more eternal.

Feder: But the eternal could be something that is right around you, it doesn’t have to be some abstract, prayerful dedication, it can be the world right around you, the joy of the world, or anything…

Jacobson: Well, I’d like to put it this way. It’s the recognition that you’re here in this world for a purpose, and you’re needed. You can’t just make a statement that you’re not needed anymore because I don’t feel good about myself. In a subtle way, that’s a form of arrogance, because you are needed. And life is fraught with challenges. A challenge does not mean that you should suddenly make a decision that it’s over with for me. Or I can’t handle it.

No, G-d gave you a vote of confidence that you can handle every challenge in your life. And again, I’m talking about the situation where you can still communicate with a person in this way. I would even argue that this should be said to someone who’s suffering from clinical depression. Not because you expect that these words alone will heal them; they may need medication, they may need other intervention, but these words will definitely complement that. That when they do finally create a chemical balance or whatever it is that they need, these words are very important, because this is what will maintain a person. It’s a message, it’s almost a mantra.

Feder: Let me bring it down to specifics here. Let’s say I call you and wake you up at 2 in the morning, and I’m so distraught I feel like I can’t live with myself, or live at all anymore. And you say, out of the goodness of your heart, okay, come over and I’ll talk to you.

So I come over to your house, and I sit in a room with you and I say, “I feel like I don’t want to exist anymore. I feel like I’m going to kill myself and remove myself from this earth, and the reason is that I feel so worthless and so loathsome, that I don’t even deserve to be alive.”

How can you just say to a person, you know, you really do deserve to be alive? In other words, simple words like that… the person wouldn’t be coming to you in the first place if they really already could accept that, do you know what I’m saying? Or maybe I’m asking the impossible.

Jacobson: No, you’re not asking the impossible. I think we discussed this when we talked about suicide on a previous show.

There’s something that a heart does for another heart that defies words. If in this case, let’s not say you, someone came over to me, to my home, at 2:00 in the morning and I would sit with them and allow my heart to be with them. And hearts tend to melt into each other and have that power that gives strength.

It’s not about words. It’s not about philosophy. At that point, philosophy doesn’t work.

Feder: Or intellect.

Jacobson: Right. It’s not about intellect. It’s about that there’s someone there who cares, who says, “You know, you may feel terrible about yourself, but I must tell you, you have value,” and even if they only hear 1% and 99% is clouded and completely impossible for them to hear, but if you try to get drops of water into a person whose mouth is clenched, most of it may pour on the floor, but if one drop gets in, that can save his life.

So it’s almost like giving that life-affirming message. And remember, if a person reaches out to you, it means they do trust you somewhat.

Feder: By the very fact that they reached out.

Jacobson: Right. So you have to call upon that, and again, this may not be sufficient. If a person is really in a difficult place and you’re their friend, I might say, come, let’s go to the hospital, or let’s go to a doctor, let’s go to a psychiatrist. But if it’s not at that point, there are words that if they come from the heart, they can be affirming, and especially if it’s a friend and you give him or her a kick in the pants as well. You know, you can say “Cut this out.”

It doesn’t mean that that’s going to work, but it sends some sort of psychological shock treatment where you shake someone up and you try to awaken some type of confidence in themselves.

Feder: Ah, now, a bit of the answer to the question in the beginning.

Jacobson: So I use G-d here, not in the context of some type of religious escape as some see it, but I see it really as the vital element that “you are here for a purpose, you’re indispensable. For you to make a statement that it’s not worth it, or that it’s too difficult, or it’s overwhelming—I have no purpose to my existence—you are essentially challenging G-d’s vote of confidence of putting you on this earth.”

And a human being has to have the humility to realize that he did not create himself. You have been put here. And you can choose what to do with your life, but you cannot make the choice whether you should be here or not.

Feder: So in a way there’s a certain grandiosity. You’re almost usurping, from what you’re saying, G-d’s…

Jacobson: It’s almost like inverted arrogance. Instead of saying…

Feder: You created yourself, so you can do whatever you want with yourself…

Jacobson: Including self-destruction. In other word, arrogance can take the shape of, I’m pompous, I have an ego, but arrogance can also be that I’m worthless. So the question is, who are you to say that you’re worthless?

Feder: What makes you so special to think you’re so worthless, right?

Jacobson: Exactly. Now I’m not saying this argument will touch a person who’s in that dark place, but that’s why we do a show like this, because this message should be taught to our children, not once their depressed, G-d forbid, but now, when things are going well. Every morning a child should be taught this message, that they’re important, because ultimately one day, should they ever need to reach into a deeper arsenal of resources, that message will resonate.

If you wait until the storm strikes, you can’t start suddenly building roots for a tree.

Feder: I think it’s like something you once said. It’s like clay: once it hardens or gets baked in the oven of the world, good luck, right?

Jacobson: That’s why I intentionally connected it to the cosmic picture, to understand the universe in this way. This particular show is not just for people who are actually suffering. The problem there is the hardest situation to do something about it, because you’re already in it.

Which leads me to another point I’d like to make. And that is, the issue of reaching out to others. What happens is this: the shame and the demoralization and the humiliation involved when a person is not in control of their own emotions, and they know that it doesn’t make sense, it’s just that they’re so anxious or depressed, causes the person to islotae himself. It is therefore critical to reach out.

Allow me to cite a passage in the Talmud. The Talmud says two opinions on a verse in the Bible, “If a person has worries, yasichena.” So the Talmud asks, what does this word yasichena mean? And it has two interpretations. One is that yasichena comes from the word “verbalize it, communicate it, go speak to someone.”

Feder: So if a person is worried, they should talk about it.

Jacobson: Right. I’m talking about real worry, anxiety that can lead to more serious states.

The second interpretation that the Talmud brings is yasiach from the words hesech hadaas, from the words “distract yourself.” Push it away from your mind and think about something else.

The question is asked: these two interpretations seemingly contradict each other— communicating and verbalizing is actually focusing in on the problem, while distracting yourself is pushing it away and not addressing it.

Feder: But they really are the same thing. I mean, while you’re talking, you’re not brooding about it at least.

Jacobson: Okay. Fine. It’s a rhetorical question, and I think the point is this. That when you communicate with someone, you release yourself of it. It’s no longer your own lonely problem. Because as they say, when it comes to real abuse, the silence is worse than the abuse. The loneliness of silence, the darkness, the shadows of sitting alone, when no one is there who understands or who is with you, in a way feeds into the depression because it just justifies your position, “You see, I have no value. No one is here for me.”

Feder: I asked the question and there’s no one to answer me.

Jacobson: Right. So the reaching out to someone and being able to communicate it, first of all, introduces fresh light, fresh energy, where, as the Talmud puts it elsewhere, a person in fetters can’t free him or herself.

If you’re in a pit and there’s no rope, you can’t pull yourself out of the pit.

Feder: Someone’s got to pull you.

Jacobson: Right. Now, that acknowledgment should not be humiliating, especially if you can find a trusting person, because it means that you are able to reach out. That’s a great strength to be able to reach out.

Feder: I mentioned once before that I was in a mental hospital once, a while ago. And so I know this from experience, the one thing that everyone has in common in those places, among other things, is that they are ashamed of themselves for being in there. They are humiliated. This is not the people who are so far gone that they don’t even know what world they’re living in anymore. Anyone who has a slightest sense of self-awareness, the memories of their behavior comes back to them. And everybody knows this, that as soon as you get better a little bit, for a couple of days or a week in a place like that, the thing that hits you is a wave of shame and humiliation. Can you address that? In other words, why should people feel so ashamed that they are lost and weak?

Jacobson: Because it’s a testimony to human dignity, and I would use the expression “the image of G-d.” The fact that we have a certain sense of dignity, of majesty, and when that’s been in some way damaged or scratched or compromised, that dignity itself is a root for the shame.

Feder: But the shame is always in reference to other people. You think, what will they think of me? What will my family think of me, what will the world think of me?

Jacobson: That’s the way we articulate it. But I would say that the shame is really with yourself. It’s not just for others. I believe that if we were alone on an island, we’d also have that shame, because a person can’t deal with the fact that I should be in control of myself, that I should be able to take hold of myself when my thoughts and feelings are so overwhelming. I know that it’s not that dark, so why does it seem so paranoic, or so bleak?

I think the shame is with ourselves, it’s not just an external thing. It also extends, of course, to those around us, because we also feel guilt. Look at what I’ve done to others and now they have to provide for me and take care of me when I should be taking care of myself.

Per se that shame is not necessarily an unhealthy thing. Because if one didn’t have that shame, that would be a statement that it’s just easy for us to compromise our dignity. The key is to recognize that shame results from awareness, from sensitivity. It’s almost like pain, that the reason you have pain is that you’re sensitive.

If you weren’t sensitive, as you put it, you’d be so far beyond that you would not feel any shame. As the verse states: more knowledge, more pain. You’re aware of your own situation, and that should be seen as a virtue: “Hey, I’m aware of that. Isn’t that a sign of life?”

It’s like a stroke victim who couldn’t feel pain in her nerves, and when she finally feels pain, shouldn’t complain, but should say, “Hey, you know, this is sign of life, maybe now I can work on it.”

And the shame should be a catalyst to bring more dignity in and more willpower to say, “I don’t want to be this way.” If the shame is converted into that, it becomes a very valuable tool. What makes shame terrible is when it becomes something you want to hide. You want to run away. And it again feeds into the self-destructiveness.

But if the shame is turned into, “Yes, I’m ashamed. I don’t want to be this way,” or “I need medical intervention,” then you may begin to act on it. Of course, you have many people who have grandiose thoughts that they may not need any intervention. That is why it is important to have the modesty and recognize that perhaps I need certain medication, or I need to see a psychiatrist or keep in touch with friends—not to suddenly ignore or go into denial over what happened.

Feder: So maybe weakness is a word that should never be used in this context, right? It’s almost like a pejorative, like cowardice, weakness, any word like that.

Jacobson: Right. It’s hard to tell a person what they should or shouldn’t feel. But when you arm yourself with the information beforehand, it’s like a cognitive life raft, that when the time comes, you can almost reach into your “cupboard,” into your resources, and you have that memory etched.

Feder: So you’re prescribing preventative medicine…

Jacobson: There’s no question about that. Whether it will always work there are no guarantees. There are things that are more powerful, and I don’t even want to venture into the area of why G-d allows a person to fall into a place like that. I mean, I refer to metaphors or parallels to the cosmic picture, but it still doesn’t justify why a person or their families have to experience anything like that. Nevertheless, I definitely think that every challenge can be dealt with, even if we don’t understand the reasons for it. And it’s critical that families, parents, siblings, and those around do not run away from it, because that adds to the shame, like if they don’t even want to see the person, or talk about it, like it never happened.

Feder: I think sometimes running away from the problem can also be taking somebody (and this is the popular trend these days) to a doctor who gives you this, that, and the other pill, talks to you for five minutes and says, “Take this for a while and you’re fixed.”

To me, that’s also running away from it. That may be controversial, but that’s the way I see it.

Jacobson: It has to be seen ultimately from a psychological perspective, that any type of depression, and I again qualify that I’m not talking about the clinical situation where you need intervention, but the psychological perspective where you can address it. Sadness and depression have to be seen not as an end in itself.

If a person feels inadequate, or they feel that they can achieve much more, or they feel a very deep anxiety and sadness, that has to be converted into a sensitivity for growth. For example, tears should be seeds for growth, not an end in themselves.

And it’s the same thing here. There’s an expression in the Bible that says that there’s profit in anxiety, or there’s profit in sadness. So in the Tanya, a classic book of Jewish thought, the author explains that that doesn’t mean that sadness has a virtue, it just means that sadness can lead to a virtue.

On its own, it doesn’t lead to any profit, so to speak, but it can lead to something, like leading you to the joy that follows, like coming out from the darkness into the light. And ultimately it’s all about the celebration of human dignity that you matter, that you’re inherently valuable. Holding onto that for dear life is the single most powerful message that parents can give children. As I mentioned earlier regarding the autistic children that we’ve heard stories about, or others, where a deep sense of dignity was transmitted continuously, and unconditionally, and not fabricated — this does something to the spirit. The spirit responds to it.

Feder: Okay. We have a caller. We have Baruch from New York.

Caller: The rabbi mentioned before that the Talmud says that if a person has a worry, he should talk about it with other people. What I have a problem with is that nowadays, instead of the clergy and people in general, people should be promoting this idea that it’s a mitzvah if a person has a problem to lend an ear to a friend, to listen. It shouldn’t be that it’s only when people feel they have difficulties and are under stress that they have to go to a so-called professional. There should be this encouragement that part of being a friend is to listen. A friend sometimes can do a better job than a so-called professional who sometimes has a conflict that because for money, they might want to encourage a patient to come back 20 times because they’re getting paid by the hour…

Jacobson: The point is very well taken. A true friend can in some ways be much greater than a professional. I don’t preclude a professional, because sometimes you need someone who has that training, but lending an ear or communicating … the Talmud does not call a therapist, it just says to communicate to someone. And that someone would optimally be a friend or someone that you can really trust.

Feder: Well, as always, it’s sad for me to come to the end of these programs because…

Jacobson: Don’t get depressed…

Feder: I’m not going to get depressed, I’m going to handle it, because I have you to talk to!

This program is brought to us by “you,” the listeners, and our underwriter tonight, the people who brought this program to you are Ted and Lynn Doll, in honor of Ted’s mother Loretta’s 80^th birthday, and we thank you very much, Ted and Lynn.

Jacobson: And may she have health and many healthy years.

Feder: And once again, you can contact us here if you have any questions or statements, comments, anything, at 1-800-363-2646, wisdomreb@meaningfullife.com, or you can go to our website at www. meaningfullife.com, and you can download our radio programs there.

And also I’d like to say before we end that we have received many requests, in fact, from people asking how they can donate to the Meaningful Life Center, which is the organization that brings you all this, the radio show and the web site among other things. The Meaningful Life Center is a non-profit organization dedicated to bringing a sense of peace, light, inspiration and meaning into the world. All its activities are made possible by donations of listeners just like you who receive the center’s publications and tapes and who listen to this program and visit the website.

When you contribute to the Meaningful Life Center, you become a partner in the work that we’re doing here, so we ask you to please consider funding these radio programs, sending us money. It’s a great opportunity for honoring someone you love perhaps, or bringing meaningful inspiration to thousands of people who may be listening.

You can dedicate a program to the memory of a loved one, someone’s birthday for instance, wedding, or any kind of occasion. But the spiritual value is there. That’s what you’re investing in. And believe me, we really do need your help. A donation of any sort, a dollar, or we’ll take $100,000 would be greatly appreciated.

Please call us at 1-800-3MEANING (1-800-363-2646). When you pledge, make sure you ask to receive our newsletter, Meanings. And remember, we don’t have commercial sponsors, you are our sponsors. We count on you the listener to make this show possible.

We have a couple of minutes left. It’s a sad, serious thing that’s going on out there, and it’s something that affects almost everybody that’s listening, I’m sure.

Now let’s say you’re alone in the world and you don’t have someone to reach out to, is there some sort of advice or some sort of a blessing or something you can say to people who are trying to carry on on their own, in a hard way in a hard world.

Jacobson: Well, it’s critical not to feel alone. It’s critical to find that friend or someone. I don’t think it’s wise for anyone to say, “I’m alone and that’s it.” I don’t think that’s good preventive medicine at all.

But I do want to respond to what you’re saying, and to the caller early on, which is, what practically can be done.

I’ve discussed some preventive medicine in this show so far, but actually, when you are dealing with people in that situation (we’re not talking about clinical and that which requires medication, hospitalization or professional help, or other interventions), what can be done is to show true support and a true vote of confidence in the person. To be a true friend.

Even a therapist, even people who are professionals, that’s what they need to do. And that personal touch where you project to others that you matter, that you are valuable, that you have something to contribute.

If someone comes to you, I’m talking about Pinchas, the first caller who asked what happens if someone comes to you and it’s a situation where you still can do something about it, try to get them involved in something productive. Find out what they’re talented in, if it’s music, or writing, or creative, let them get involved in volunteer work, a hobby, but some type of commitment where there’s accountability where they know they have to rise to the occasion, because that forces them out of their own little shell, and forces them to rise and say, “See, I’ve accomplished something.”

Success breeds success. Failure breeds failure. And if a person locks himself up into a shell, the worse thing that can happen is that they continue to travel inward, deeper and deeper into their shell. It’s critical to pull them out. And not by force, but to encourage them with enthusiasm in some type of project. Anything that can help build self-esteem because they will need it to fight.

It, in itself, may not be enough, but it clearly helps deal with the issues.

Feder: Thank you very much for your advice and for your words. Stay tuned next week at 6:00 when we talk about hate crimes and anti-Semitism.

Tags: radio transcript, emotions, depression, mental illness, dignity, mental health, psyche
Posted in Personal Life, Emotions & Psychology, Pain & Suffering | 1 Comment »

Good Grief

May 28th, 2014

There nothing as whole as a broken heart.

Depression is not a sin. But what depression does, no sin can do.

Chassidic sayings

Is sad bad? Chassidic teaching differentiates between two types of sorrow: merirus, a constructive grief, and atzvus, a destructive grief.The first is the distress of one who not only recognizes his failings but also cares about them. One who agonizes over the wrongs he has committed, over his missed opportunities, over his unrealized potential. One who refuses to become indifferent to what is deficient in himself and his world. The second is the distress of one who has despaired of himself and his fellow man, whose melancholy has drained him of hope and initiative.

The first is a springboard for self-improvement; the second a bottomless pit.

How does one distinguish between the two? The first is active, the second—passive.

The first one weeps, the second’s eyes are dry and blank. The first one’s mind and heart are in turmoil, the second’s are still with apathy and heavy as lead. And what happens when it passes, when they emerge from their respective bouts of grief? The first one springs to action: resolving, planning, taking his first faltering steps to undo the causes of his sorrow. The second one goes to sleep.

 

Tags: depression, grief & grieving, attitude, suffering
Posted in Personal Life, Emotions & Psychology, Pain & Suffering | 1 Comment »

Loneliness

May 28th, 2014

Rabbi Simon Jacobson: Hello and welcome to another edition of Toward a Meaningful Life. I’m speaking to you from the West Coast, from Los Angeles, California, and bring you greetings from this part of the world.

With the miracle of radio and airwaves, it’s possible to speak from anywhere in the world, but today I’m speaking from the studio of singer/songwriter, poet, Leonard Cohen, who has been gracious enough to host me. At some point, whether today or some other time, I hope he will share some words with us on the radio show. We’ve become friends through correspondence and now in person, and he’s been gracious enough to allow me to use his studio to bring you another edition of the show.

Tonight we’ll be talking about the topic of loneliness. The reason I chose this topic is that besides the fact that this is such a prevalent issue—one of those invisible enemies in our lives—it’s also the traditional nine-day mourning period on the Jewish calendar, the saddest part of the calendar when we grieve and mourn for the destruction of the Holy Temple that took place close to 2,000 years ago in Jerusalem.

The “nine days” began actually on the first day of the Hebrew month of Av, and it continues until this upcoming Thursday when it will conclude on Tisha B’Av, meaning the ninth of Av. Tisha B’Av is a fast day, a day of mourning for the destruction of the Temple.

One of the lamentations in the Book of Lamentations that we traditionally say on the evening of Tisha B’Av is Aichah Yoshva Bodad, which in Hebrew means “How lonely it is to be sitting alone.” Look how bad it is. I lament the fact that I sit alone.

In other words, the destruction of the Temple created a cosmic loneliness, a personal loneliness. So I felt it appropriate at this time to dedicate a show to loneliness on all levels.

I’d like to talk about that and hear your thoughts on the matter as well. In a Kabbalistic context, the ninth of Av, being the number nine, implies ten minus one. “Ten and not nine” is a cryptic statement made in one of the Kabbalistic works called the Sefer Yetzirah, the Book of Formation. So the number nine in a sense is a lonely one because it’s missing the one. That lonely number one. And sitting here in Los Angeles, in a way I feel alone myself, even though I’m speaking to you on the radio.

When you pause to think, the truth is that no matter how many people love you and how close you are with friends and associates, at the end of the day we walk home alone, and there’s a part of us that’s always alone.

I also want to extend my condolences to the family and friends of a close friend of mine, a tragic loss that we had just over Shabbat. Michael Liebert was one of my first students in the classes I give on the Upper West Side. Nineteen years ago, when I began the class, he was the first or second student who came. He was a man truly loved by myself and by so many people.

In a way, when someone does pass on, it reminds us of the loneliness of existence, the loneliness of life and death. I feel he’s been part of the growth of the Meaningful Life Center that brings you this radio show. So I definitely extend my best wishes to his family and friends, for Michael Liebert, Moshe, who passed away just yesterday and today was brought to burial.

So when we talk about loneliness, there’s the issue of our own inherent loneliness. Of course on a very technical level, when we say someone’s lonely, that can be simply due to the fact that that person doesn’t have friends. We don’t have people to party with or hang around with, and when you usually hear people saying that they are lonely, it’s usually about that.

Then of course there’s another deeper level of loneliness where we don’t have a companion, a soul mate, a spouse. Many single people want to get married and find someone whom they can live their entire lives with. There’s a loneliness in that.

So as much as we do socialize and have fun, we want to have that intimate partner. And there, loneliness takes on a different meaning. It’s not that I don’t have anyone to socialize with, I have no one to share my deepest feelings with. I have no one to come home to at the end of the day. That’s another level of loneliness.

In a strange way, in the fast-paced society that we live in, a society that continuously makes demands on us, it really cultivates even more loneliness than slower paced times, because the contrast is so profound.

Here you’re rushing all day, whether you’re rushing to the job, or rushing to satisfy a client or a boss, or you’re in the money market, and then when you have to stop and pause and take some respite, you suddenly realize, I’m really alone in this world. With all this rushing, I’m not necessarily getting anywhere.

And that contrast tends to make the loneliness even more profound. We live in a society where there’s a mass mentality. You see it in stadiums across the country—sports stadiums, arenas, music halls, rock concerts—where thousands and thousands of people come together, and they cheer and they party together. In a sense there’s a kind of camaraderie.

However, you can be sitting in a stadium, in an arena of 50,000 people and cheering along, and be as lonely as ever. As soon as the party is over, as soon as the game, the show is over, there’s a profound loneliness that sets in as we walk home.

As we walk out of that event we suddenly realize, this whole group of people that I was just cheering with, and applauding with, and listening with, and being moved by the performance with, they really are strangers and I am alone in this world. Yet again the contrast.

One of the things that always struck me as perhaps the loneliest experience of all is the performer’s loneliness. When you’re on stage and you’re performing, whether it’s music or art or some other artistic expression you feel an incredible surge and bond with hundreds or thousands of people. But when the show is over and everyone leaves, you have to go backstage and start packing your bags.

Walking out that back door must be, on an existential level, one of the most profoundly lonely experiences possible. That may explain why so many performers have to in some way supplement that high and it creates a very profound sense of “I am all alone.”

So the illusion of crowds, of mass transportation, mass production, industrialization, in many ways contributes to the sense of being alone.

Loneliness is an issue that can be put in a mystical context. Even though it’s mystical, it has deep psychological implications.

For me, personally, the issue is not so much whether we can distract ourselves and find ways to avoid the issue of being alone, which many of us do, but the issue is really an existential one. Existential loneliness essentially means that we are alone in this world. That we’re self-contained human beings.

No matter how much you feel for another person, there’s still a boundary: I’m me and you’re you. And that, when you think about it, has a certain element of pain because it’s something that you can’t get around.

You can party all the time and you can be a happy person, but you can still feel alone. When the Temple was destroyed and the Jews were sitting shiva, their saying Aicha yoshva bodad, “How lonely it is to sit alone,” was the expression of this existential loneliness. With the Temple being destroyed, being torn away from us, we were left with a situation where you suddenly see yourself in a glaring way and you see that I’m not connected.

And that’s what I’m leading to, that loneliness is not just between you and other people. Loneliness can be between you and yourself. You can be very happy being with others and still feel lonely because you’re disconnected from yourself.

If you think about it, you find that that is really the anatomy, the core, of what being alone is all about. In a way, the destruction of the Temple brings up a question which I’m going to pose before we take a break, which is, why would the destruction of a building be such a powerful memory, something that we continuously commemorate? Answering that question will teach us something about what it means to be alone and how to overcome that.

(Announcement break regarding ways to contact Rabbi Jacobson with questions or other issues. By email: wisdomreb@meaningfullife.com. Internet: www.meaningfullife.com. Phone: 1-800-3MEANING (1-800-363-2646). Mail: Meaningful Life Center, Suite 303, 788 Eastern Parkway, Brooklyn, NY 11213. Receive our free newsletter “Meanings” by calling or writing the above.)

So in response to my question about the building and the destruction of the Temple, I’d like to say this: The Temple wasn’t just another piece of real estate. It was actually a window that connected heaven and earth.

Fundamentally, when the Temple was destroyed, a cataclysmic change occurred in the universe where we became less in touch with our Divine connection, our calling, our purpose, and our souls.

And that is why we sit in mourning today, thousands of years later. Not because of something that happened so long ago, but because its effects and its re-creation takes place every moment in our lives.

Every time you see a person able to hurt another human being, injustices, Holocausts, on a personal or collective level, it’s a result of our feeling that we are not one and the same.

If your left arm did something wrong, is it conceivable that your right arm would punish it? Obviously not because it’s one organism. And in one organism, every part feels that it’s part of a larger whole.

In the human race, we do not necessarily feel that we are connected in that way. That is why human beings can hurt one another. Parents can hurt their children, we can hurt our loved ones, or strangers. There is an inherent disconnectedness that exists in our lives which is the root of greed, selfishness, and ultimately the potential ability for us to harm one another.

All this is an extension of, an expression and a consequence of, the destruction of the Temple—because as I said the Temple was not just a building, it was a building that represented, as the Bible puts it, “V’asu Li mikdash,” (build Me a Temple) “v’shochanti b’socham” (and I [G-d] will rest among you).

As long as G-d rests among the people, there is a sense of connectedness. That doesn’t mean we’re the same. It just means that we are like different musical notes in one large composition. Just as in a healthy body different organs, different limbs, different systems can all complement each other, and function in a coordinated fashion, the same is true on the larger organism level, the human race. The destruction of the Temple represented the breakdown of that.

Indeed, the Talmud says that the Temple was destroyed because of the irrational hatred that people had for one another. What’s the connection? Because the Temple represented unity.

If you are disconnected from yourself, you will be disconnected from people around you. You see people who have a certain inner majesty, who glow, who have a certain inner confidence, and they get along with everyone. Even with those with whom they disagree.

But if you’re personally split apart, compartmentalized or fragmented, and you agonize over your own split, that usually feeds into the inability to function and communicate with others as well.

So the loneliness we’re talking about, if you really think about it, comes down to who you see yourself as. Are you alone in the world? And we are alone if we’re not in touch with our souls.

Let me give you a practical example. You’re hard at work and let’s say you’re successful. You make a good salary, people admire your work, and you feel you’re contributing something.

You come home and your soul craves for something more. Success is just not enough. You may need a companion. You may need some spiritual inspiration. You may need something transcendental.

As long as you don’t have it, all that success feeds one part of you but another part of you remains quite hungry. And that means you’re alone with yourself. You are inherently lonely because your own being feels lonely. One part is lonely and does not feel connected to another part.

That lies at the root of all loneliness. But one can feel at peace with himself when all parts of you are being fed; when not only your material side, your success is being nurtured, but it is also taking place on a personal level, in your personal life, your psychological life, or in your spiritual life. That’s when the loneliness turns into a type of union, where you have different voices inside of you that all reconnect with each other.

I submit that that lies at the heart of the issue. Are you at peace with your own soul, you own mission?

Now that doesn’t mean that that’s enough. The question that comes up is, what role does communion, friendship and companionship with other human beings play? Can you just be comfortable with yourself and be self-contained?

I’m just suggesting that step number one is, as Hillel said, “Im ein ani li, mi li?” “If I’m not for myself, who will be for me?” And that includes loneliness. If you cannot keep yourself company, no one else can truly keep you company. No one can replace the companionship and harmony that your soul and your body need to create between each other in this lifetime. And we shouldn’t feel depressed if that doesn’t happen so quickly.

That is the battle of life. Indeed, that is the battle that we’re posed with. G-d says, “I give you a body and a soul. I give you a material and a spiritual life. It’s up to you to create companionship between the two. Brotherhood. Sisterhood. They should be at peace with each other. That’s step number one.

Okay, we’re talking about being alone in a world of many people. There are 6 billion people, thank G-d, on this planet, and yet you can feel as alone as ever, because it’s not a numbers game, it’s about what you feel within.

Okay, let’s go to the phones. Daniel, you’re on the air.

Caller: The question is, is there a connection between mental illness and loneliness, that one causes the other, and if so, is it mental illness that causes loneliness or is it perhaps the other way around?

Jacobson: That’s a great question (and may G-d protect us from any such situation). But I do think that they are connected. First, I think we have to begin with a small disclaimer. There’s mental illness that is of a clinical nature, that though it causes deep loneliness, you cannot just heal it with some type of quick fix. Sometimes it’s a chemical imbalance, or forces in our lives that just take over and we can’t say it’s just loneliness.

I would categorize that as being more profound than loneliness; to the point of despair, the bottomless pit where the demons take over and you feel there’s no return. That being said, I do think there’s a deep connection between mental illness and loneliness, which I’ll explain with a preface.

As I mentioned before, we’re in the Nine Days, but today is also the fifth of Av on the Hebrew calendar, the yahrzeit of the Holy Arizal. One of the doctrines that he taught (and you’ll see the connection in a moment) is that there’s a concept called tzimtzum, that when G-d created the universe, in order to create an independent universe where we are self-contained and we feel that we are “it.” He needed to create this type of cosmic black hole where G-d’s presence was shrouded, which allowed us to emerge.

In a strange way, that was the first “split personality” experience. I can’t call it mental illness, but in a way it’s the root of the disalignment between our conscious and unconscious minds.

When a person does suffer from some type of mental imbalance or mental illness, it has to be seen as a consequence of the disalignment of the universe in general.

In other words, if we all lived basking in the unifying light of G-d’s existence, and there was a seamless connection between all of life, there would be no possibility for any type of disconnection or any type of inconsistency.

So in that context, loneliness and mental illness do have a connection because as I mentioned, the fact that we are self-contained individuals and we do not feel that our partner or our friend or our parent or brother or sister are one with us, tends to enhance and exaggerate the darkness when one begins to feel despair.

Often when I speak to people who are suffering from that type of depression, it’s something you just can’t put into words. You try to tell them, “You’re not alone. You’re not alone,” but their profound sense of being alone is so deep that there are no words that can reach in.

I think that that is a result of, in a sense, G-d hiding the underlying inherent threads of unity that connect us all. So I’m not telling you what the solution is, I’m just acknowledging that the connection between loneliness and mental illness is a very deep one——and in terms of solutions, there are no quick solutions to situations that are particularly of that illness level.

However, I do think that all of us, by understanding and coming to appreciate that we are not alone in this world; that we are inherently connected and ultimately connected with our souls and with G-d has the positive impact that perhaps can help a person back from the brink of despair or hopelessness.

Caller: Okay, thank you very much.

Jacobson: We’re here talking about loneliness, and as I said, you can be in a room with a thousand people and be utterly alone, or you can be in a room all by yourself and not feel that you’re alone. It’s all about being at peace with yourself.

Loneliness tends to make us sense that we are caving in when we feel that we’re like very small dots and we begin to feel that insignificance. That’s what I’d like to talk about next—the connection between loneliness and feeling significant, feeling that you’re needed, feeling that you contribute something.

(Announcement break about Rabbi Simon Jacobson’s Wednesday Night Class, every Wednesday night at 8:00 pm, 346 West 89^th St. in Manhattan. You can also hear the radio shows live on the website: www.meaningfullife.com. Sunday nights from 6-7pm (est).)

Jacobson: Okay, we go to David on the line.

Caller: Hi Rabbi. Thank you for taking my call. I wanted to ask, you mentioned one type of loneliness as the type where the person hasn’t found a soulmate and hasn’t gotten married. I wanted to ask if indeed a person goes through life and doesn’t find his or her soulmate, does Judaism regard that as a kind of failing in some way? How does Judaism view that?

Jacobson: Thank you David. I’m sure that’s a question on many people’s minds. My reply is that it’s not a black and white issue, because though on one hand, Torah, Judaism feels that every one of us has a soulmate waiting for us somewhere and that’s how we’ve been created, still, we can’t judge people in their journeys.

Some of us may find it very difficult to find our soulmate, either as a result of our own childhood experiences or a result of circumstances. I don’t like to judge something after the fact, meaning, if one has gone through one’s life and is unable to find that soulmate, tragically, though they’ve searched, it’s between that person and G-d and I would rather not speculate, because I think each is a case by case situation.

Regardless, even if the person could have done more, I don’t think it’s our role to judge that person. Each of us has to look at ourselves and look at the unique challenges of each of our lives.

However, if someone is still in the middle of the process, in other words, they’re of age or they haven’t passed away yet (I’m not saying that we have to wait until the last moment), sometimes we’re doing the wrong things in searching for that soulmate. Our intentions may be in place, but often we’re doing the wrong thing, meaning, we may be undermining it, creating unrealistic expectations, or not allowing ourselves to just open up and let our defensives down. We may be self-destructive. I think it’s wise and healthy for each of us, whoever is looking for a soulmate, to have a trusted friend that you can review and discuss with whether you are doing something self-destructive. Are there unhealthy patterns in your search for a soulmate?

I’m a firm believer that when we’re ready, G-d sends the right person. I know people who met their potential soulmates and they just weren’t ready. Five years later, they’re happily married to that same person. At the first point, they themselves were not at peace with their own soul, which goes back to my earlier theme that if you’re lonely with yourself, you will not find a true companion outside of yourself, because nobody can take away your loneliness. That’s an illusion; an illusion that is fed by this mass mentality environment and society we live in, where you feel that, “Oh, if everybody’s doing it that makes me feel that I’m part of something.” That’s an illusion. You are part of something if you, and all the parts inside of you, feel united under that one umbrella, that one mission.

If not, millions of people can be doing whatever it is and you can feel all alone.

So it’s critical that a person come to peace with themselves in that way. I think finding the companion within your own self, within your own soul is the first step to finding the companion outside of yourself.

Okay, David, thank you for your call. Ellen, you’re on the air.

Caller: I think that one must learn how to deal with rejection. I find that rejection in my life has led to terrible feelings of loneliness.

Jacobson: Rejection from?

Caller: All sorts of situations.

Jacobson: From family? Friends?

Caller: Relationships.

Jacobson: Well, I would agree that rejection in childhood is definitely a big feeder into loneliness because it feeds into the feeling that no one is with you, that no one is in your corner, and you don’t have validation. Is that what you’re referring to?

Caller: Yes, and a feeling of very low self-worth. And that makes you feel very lonely.

Jacobson: That’s a good segue into what I was going to discuss before: the importance of feeling important or significant. The theme that you often hear from me on this show is that “you matter” and that you are meaningful. Not just in a subjective, circumstantial way to the people you love, or people close to you, or people who applaud you, but that you are meaningful and significant to G-d.

You’re meaningful and significant on a cosmic level. You have a contribution to make that is unique and indispensable. I’m not going to repeat the story that I’ve so often shared, and many of you who have received our newsletter have read the most moving letter from that St. Louis woman, but essentially, the underlying theme from those who haven’t heard it before, is that “Birth is G-d saying that you matter.” If you value yourself based on looks, youth, economic status, even family loving you, those are all temporary, subjective and arbitrary factors, and if your value is based on any one of them, when you take it away, then your value goes down.

Your true inherent value is because you’re here on earth and you’re here for a mission. And when you have that sense of significance, that you matter, that is the single greatest force that battles true, existential loneliness.

Because when you wake up in the morning, remember, even if you have a loved one lying right near you, you still can be profoundly alone. The excitement to jump out of bed knowing that you have a mission to do, something that you’re needed for today, is ultimately the solution to any type of sense of deep loneliness.

Without the feeling that you matter and that you’re significant, all the activities that distract you cannot really supply you with that, of being part of a bigger picture, part of contributing something that no one else can do except you.

That is ultimately the best solution to loneliness—significance.

Now what healthy parents do is not necessarily give you a sense of importance. What they do do is not undermine your sense of importance. They don’t invalidate you. That is the key.

Unfortunately in an abusive and dysfunctional home as Ellen was just sharing with us or alluding to, when you feel rejected or you feel invalidated, what’s happening is the undermining of your spirit. When a child is continuously silenced, continuously put down, dismissed, or even worse, continuously abandoned in the most subtle of ways, the child grows to feel that he doesn’t exist, that he’s not significant.

Parents come home from work—they’re so busy they don’t even notice their children. Or they notice them and they entertain them in a very superficial way.

Do you know what children need more than anything else? It’s not gifts or places to travel to. It’s not even time. It’s validation. The acknowledgment that when they see the look in the eyes of a parent, they get the message that they’re important. That they’re valuable.

Can you imagine? It’s something that doesn’t cost any money. You can’t buy it in a store. No gift can replace it. But what is more valuable to the human condition and to what makes us productive, healthy, wholesome, not lonely but complete human beings, is that look in the eye from your mother or father, from people around you, that says you matter. You matter to me. You’re valuable. You’re indispensable.

They don’t give it to you and they can’t take it away from you. It is G-d that gives it to us. And when a person has that significance, that is the single most powerful force that helps you travel through life.

The Baal Shem Tov, the founder of the Chassidic movement, his father died at a very young age. We all know that when you lose a parent at a young age (G-d forbid), it has a traumatic effect on us. Many people become very insecure because of the lack of a parent, the nurturing that the parent would have provided.

However, the father of the Baal Shem Tov left him with a legacy, and said something to him that although it could not replace a father—obviously a father can never be replaced—it dramatically did much to give the Baal Shem Tov the power and the confidence and the security to do what he needed to do in his life. We can learn from that.

What did he tell him? On his death bed he told his little Yisroelik, his little son Yisroel, the Baal Shem Tov, “Remember that you’re never alone. You’re with G-d. And you must fear nothing except G-d.”

You can imagine the power of a child hearing that as the last words from his father. The power that he instilled in this little Yisroel, who turned into the Baal Shem Tov, was that confidence that you can make a difference, and when you’re ready to do so, nothing can stand in your way. Don’t wait for a consensus, don’t be disturbed or intimidated by other people’s opinions. You need to tread your new path and you do so.

And this Baal Shem Tov went ahead and founded the Chassidic movement and taught the dimension of Judaism that is so critical to our lives today, the soul of Judaism. Not just the body but the soul.

And this all began with those words that his father said to him. “You’re not alone. You have a G-d. You have a mission.”

It’s not just about a G-d in heaven. It’s about a mission on earth: that your soul was sent down on a mission and you have a purpose. That is the single most powerful force that helps us get beyond Aicha Yoshva Bodad.

Interestingly, the alter-ego to the bodad, the loneliness that we say in Eichah, its antithesis, is said in a blessing at the end of the book of Deuteronomy in the Bible, where it says: “This is a nation that sits alone, bodad, it’s unique.” So “alone” can also mean “unique.”

There is unhealthy loneliness and there’s healthy loneliness. All of us need to have an element of uniqueness. Remember, if you were not alone, then you would perhaps be a clone. Would you rather feel like an extension of someone else’s personality or someone else’s need or someone’s else’s demand?

You have a unique place. The key is to recognize that your uniqueness is not loneliness. Your loneliness makes you unique and therefore alone, but you are one with G-d in that uniqueness. You are one with your soul, with your mission.

Okay, we have Martin on the air.

Caller: Hi Rabbi. Thank you very much for taking my call. This is the second time I’m listening to your program and it was quite by accident. The first time I listened to you a friend of mine told me about your program and it was very interesting, and I’m listening for the second time today. I’m quite impressed with what you say. You’re quite a personality, and what you’re saying today is very tif, very deep.

I have a question for you and it’s affecting me indirectly.

I have a niece and she lives in a very frum [religious] area in Brooklyn, and I think she’s very lonely. Part of the reason that she’s lonely is that she’s trying to follow the pattern of the frum community, and I’m not being critical. Please don’t misunderstand me, I’m not knocking frumkeit, I’m a frum person myself, but in this case, the mistakes that they are making by teaching a child, for example, a girl, that you can only marry such a person who sits and learns the entire day, but if you’re not cut out like a cookie cutter, you don’t fit that. And you’re getting older and you’re watching all your friends get married, and you are refusing to listen to a mother or an uncle who are trying to set you up with a normal guy who’s not learning an entire day, only part of the day. She’s locked into this frum ideology which is wonderful but doesn’t fit everybody. I think she’s very lonely.

Jacobson: What do you suggest?

Caller: What I suggest she won’t listen to, G-d bless her, and I don’t want to badger and bother her.

Jacobson: Well, tell me what you suggest.

Caller: I don’t know. I’m not such a chocham (wise person)! If I was a chocham I wouldn’t be asking questions! I feel very bad because time is marching on and the market is getting less and less. It’s not an easy matter.

Jacobson: Well, let me ask you a question, Martin. You say you’re frum, which means observant. Are you lonely?

Caller: Everybody gets lonely once in a while.

Jacobson: No, but I mean do you have this conflict of on one hand having to conform so to speak to the standards of your brethren, of your community, and on the other hand, your own individuality? The way you’re describing the situation with your niece, do you at all have that dilemma? If you don’t, why not?

Caller: How does that shed light into her situation?

Jacobson: The reason I’m asking is that I think that by looking into our own selves, what it is that you have that she doesn’t, then perhaps we can share something with her about how to integrate frumkeit with our own unique individuality. Do you follow me?

Caller: Not really.

Jacobson: Look, if the issue is about being pressured by a community, then any one of us who grows up in an observant home should have that problem. That’s what I’m trying to say. And if we have that problem, how do we resolve it?

Caller: Well I think it’s the person sometimes more than the community. The community is a very influencing factor, but it’s the personality of the person being timid and following and being overwhelmed by what they see living away by themselves and away from their parents, living in the New York area and living by a family, and watching her roommate…

Jacobson: That’s exactly what I was getting at, because you hit the nail on the head. So if your niece were living in a community that was not observant, she would also be conforming perhaps to the intimidating forces of her peers. So it may not be observance of frumkeit that’s the issue here. It may just be her personality in light of the community around her.

Caller: How can a relative like myself help her?

Jacobson: First of all, I’m trying to understand. Is what I just said accurate?

Caller: Yes, definitely.

Jacobson: So then the issue is not really about Judaism per se—and I think it’s important to distinguish—her personality is one where she (I won’t call her a follower) but she tends to conform or to buckle to the pressures around her. Is that accurate? I don’t know her which is why I need your help here.

Caller: I think that she’s like an ostrich that puts its head in the sand to avoid the issue. She won’t answer you if you talk about something she doesn’t want to hear like that.

Jacobson: How old is she?

Caller: She’s 25-26.

Jacobson: And going to school, working?

Caller: Working. Learning at COPE, an institution, and working at a nice office.

Jacobson: To answer this quickly, since I don’t know her, so it’s hard to speak through you, she needs to have people like yourself who are supporting her, who are not asking her to do anything, but just supporting who she is and helping to cultivate her strengths.

Caller: Time marches on. We don’t get younger.

Jacobson: I hear what you’re saying, but nevertheless, for her in any way to get anywhere, she needs to have the support and strength that people will say we’re behind you. I mean the way you’re describing her it doesn’t sound like she has any mental illness or any problem like that, thank G-d. So perhaps it requires people reinforcing a type of strength. I don’t know what her parents are like, and I don’t know what kind of influence you have, but … we don’t have that much time to elaborate on the show because time is running down, but I will say this to you. As an uncle, you should encourage her to access whatever strengths she has, and maybe look for a shidduch, a match, that’s appropriate to her that will not force her to be something she’s not.

The fact that she’s single perhaps is G-d’s way of saying that we have to find her the right type of person who will appreciate her timidness and her personality, and at the same time not crush her existence. Am I making any sense to you?

Caller: Yes you are.

Jacobson: I think that’s what we should pursue. And I’d be happy to pursue this further. Feel free to email me at wisdomreb@meaningfullife.com and if you email me, perhaps we can talk some more.

Caller: Thank you.

Jacobson: Thank you for the call and for your kind words.

(Announcement break inviting listeners to visit the website of the Meaningful Life Center at www.meaningfullife.com or call 1-800-3MEANING for all the activities of the Meaningful Life Center, transcripts of the radio show, and other important information.)

Jacobson: Okay, we have Charles on the air.

Caller: How are you Rabbi. Nice to talk to you. Someone spoke before about rejection and I wanted to ask a little bit about rejection. We have somewhat of a history in Jewish history with people being alone. Noah was alone, Yosef was without his brothers’ company, Moshe came down from Mount Sinai with the Torah and found the people worshipping an idol. I think what I want to ask you is, on some level, is the answer to loneliness social acceptance, the acceptance of mediocrity? Could lowering one’s standards in today’s society overcome loneliness for somebody? Is there any potential logic to what I’m asking you or is that part of the insanity that you discussed earlier in the first phone call?

Jacobson: I think that conformity to mediocrity and resigning ourselves so to speak to the status quo tends to just create more loneliness, because conforming to those around you, satisfying others, may create an illusion of acceptance for the moment, but as I said earlier with the mob mentality, it’s ultimately a disaster. When you stop to think about yourself, you start saying, I’m even lonelier because I can’t even stand up for myself.

So I agree with your statement, Charles. Thank you for the call. We go to Ellen on the phone.

Caller: Thank you for taking my call. I am a Holocaust survivor. We were seven sisters and brothers. One of my brothers had seven children. The whole family was 130, with cousins, because my father was one of ten children. And everything was wiped out and I was left alone. After the war, I was like a shiksa during the war. They were killed by the Polish and by the Germans.

I was only two years old when my mother passed away and my mother saved my life the whole time. I had just started school, and typhus was going around and I got typhus too. A lot of children died growing up. My mother came to me at day, not at night, and I didn’t recognize my mother, and she brought me a glass of sour milk and she said drink it and the glass give to Yoel, my father’s brother. So I opened my eyes and I said to my father (my father was sitting and saying Tehillim) “di mame hot gezogt ich zol dir geben dos gloz” (mother said I should bring you this glass). “Un er hot ongehoiben tzu vaynen” (and he began to cry). “Di mame hot gebracht a refuah” (mother brought a cure). I didn’t hear anything more from my mother.

Now it’s 1942, the 15^th of July, my mother came to me when I was asleep and she said, “Today is the first, di deitchen zeinen gekumen oif di Yidden, du antloif” (the Germans have come for the Jews. You escape). I woke up my sister and I told them, Der mama hot mir gezogt az ich zol antloifen, di deitchen zeinen gekumen oif the Yidden, mit a truck”  (mother told me to escape, the Germans are coming for the Jews with a truck). Zogt zi mir: in a cholem gloibt men nischt, ober azoy vi s’iz di mame, ken zein emes” (she said to me: “we don’t believe in a dream, but since it’s mother it may be true”). But she didn’t say which month.

Anyway, this was in the country. We had animals. I still got property there but the Polish don’t give it back to you. So I said to my youngest brother, I’ll give you a cow, and you’ll give me from Sofie. He said, okay, whenever you come back I’ll give it to you back.

But the you have to go to the city. I didn’t know because I didn’t know which month this was. And I am in the field with the cow and Offie comes to me in the field and he said to me, don’t be afraid. The Germans came with their truck and I saw who goes in and your brother with all seven children went in. Nobody got any extra luggage, your brother got a prayer book and a shawl under his arm. Because I’m from a Yiddishe shtib (home).

Jacobson: I hear you and I really appreciate your sharing this with us.

Caller: He came for the cow. So how could I do it? Because people in the field… if I gave him the cow the people would go tell the Germans.

Jacobson: I really appreciate your sharing this with us.

Caller: I’m alone. I’m just 80. I’m legally blind.

Jacobson: Ellen, can you leave your number with Steve the engineer so I can talk to you some more after the show? Stay on the line and he’ll take your number, okay? I really appreciate your call.

Yehoshua, you’re on the air.

Caller: I was very impressed with your active listening and I want you to know that. It’s a beautiful thing to witness. I wanted to mention on a more collective or national level, regarding validation and the beauty of nurturance within the Jewish people, since we’re coming to Tisha B’Av, and particularly we could be demoralized with the events that transpired from Camp David, I think it’s extremely important not to have enervation of the spirit, enervation of the will.

We need to affirm Jewish identity, and we need to affirm Jewish symbols or concepts that are extremely important to Yidden everywhere. Yerushalayim, Eretz Yisroel. The kedushah [holiness] of Eretz Yisroel and the kedushah of the Jewish people.

Jacobson: I appreciate that validation.

Caller: So we could always use a little more nurturance.

Jacobson: You know, validation on a communal level begins with validation on a personal level, so I appreciate your words. And as Hillel said, “If I am only for myself, what am I?” So first we have to begin with “If I am not for myself, who will be for me,” and then comes the second half, “if I am only for myself, what am I?” That we need a community to support us.

Thank you for your call Yehoshua.

(Announcement break. This show and all of the activities of the Meaningful Life Center activities are made possible by the contributions from people like you who wish to achieve a life full of meaning and purpose. We invite you to join us and become our partners in creating a better world. For contribution and sponsorship opportunities, please call 1-800-3MEANING, 1-800-363-2646, or write to the Meaningful Life Center, Suite 303, 788 Eastern Parkway, Brooklyn, NY 11213.)

Okay, we have a minute left. It’s been interesting talking about loneliness and hearing your calls. A final thought: the Meaningful Life Center was established, in a way you can say to deal with loneliness, because I believe, and our philosophy is, that if you have meaning in your life you’ll be a little less alone, because meaning becomes your partner.

You can have a biological life and not feel that it’s meaningful, not feel that you’re significant, and then life is a very lonely journey. All alone. It doesn’t feel like you’re making a difference. Why wake up in the morning except for having a job and having to go to work or other external responsibilities?

When you have meaning in your life, when you feel that you matter, that you’re part of a mission, that G-d put you here to fulfill a mission, that becomes your partner, your driving force, your ally, your resources, something you can rely on even when you’re in a bad mood, because the mission continues. And that’s what we’re dedicated to here in our organization to help us all find that type of meaning and to join forces, join hands, in a grassroots effort of each of us helping each other find meaning. Because when we have meaning in our life, it breeds meaning and focus breeds focus. So on a concluding note I’d like to suggest to all of you that tomorrow morning you try the Modeh Ani exercise that I often suggest, which is, as soon as you wake up, acknowledge that your soul has been returned to you. Acknowledge that you are significant. Thank G-d that you are significant and you have a mission to fulfill in this world, a higher calling.

And in the immortal words of the Baal Shem Tov’s father, “You are not alone. G-d is with you, and G-d accompanies you through this journey.”

Thank you. This is Simon Jacobson and Toward a Meaningful Life. Please join us next Sunday from 6-7pm at WEVD 1050AM.

Tags: loneliness, nine days, ninth of av, soulmate, rejection, radio transcript, emotions, psychology
Posted in Tisha B'Av, Months & Holidays, Personal Life, Torah, Emotions & Psychology, Pain & Suffering, Av | 2 Comments »

What is Pain?

May 28th, 2014

We must translate pain into action, and tears into growth — The Rebbe

An artist, after suffering from a personal tragedy, wrote to the Rebbe about his depression and despair. The Rebbe wrote back: “The genius of the artist is his ability to detach himself from the external qualities of the object he is portraying, to look deeply into the object and see its essence. He must then be able to express that essence so that whoever views the painting sees an essence that he, the viewer, had never noticed in the object itself. The same applies to each individual; his inner essence is his G-dliness. One must take great care so that the external trappings of his life should not obscure his essence. The tragedies of life must be seen for what they really are: part of the divine system of challenge and endeavor, which enables us to achieve the highest levels of happiness and goodness.”

What is the purpose of pain?

Why is there so much suffering in the world? How do we deal with emotional, spiritual, and psychological pain? Why does G-d sometimes allow righteous people to suffer such extreme pain?

These questions pose a paradox. The very fact that we are naturally upset by suffering testifies to our belief in a fair and righteous G-d, whom we expect to rule the world justly. And yet, we see that pain and suffering cause many people to question the very existence of G-d, or at least His effectiveness.

Even in the deepest moments of despair, we must realize that our absolute faith is what gives us the capacity to understand and deal with our pain. With G-d at the helm, we can accept pain as part of the challenge of life; it motivates us to seek answers, to explore our relationship with G-d, and to grow from the experience.

Are there any benefits to pain and suffering?

Pain and suffering are opportunities to challenge the way we look at life. When things are going well, we tend to take life for granted, but trauma brings us to the edges of life, allowing us to view it from a new, revealing angle.

So the real question we must ask is not just why we sometimes feel such acute pain, but what we are meant to learn from it.

When you see beyond a one-dimensional life, when you realize that you are comprised of not just a body but a body and a soul, you recognize that there is a far higher purpose to your life, and a far deeper meaning to your pain.

The only true explanation for pain and suffering is that the world itself is intrinsically good and that pain and suffering are somehow part of the larger good. This is not to suggest that pain itself is good, nor that we should peacefully accept it. In fact, we must express our feelings of pain to the fullest, and do everything in our power to alleviate suffering in ourselves and in others.

It is your duty to discover how pain may be a blessing in disguise and to overcome the pain and restore harmony to your body and soul. Consider the inevitable frustration that precedes any creative growth, or the intense pain that a woman feels while giving birth. No matter how great such pain may be, it is ultimately justified by the goodness it produces.

How can we relieve our pain?

It is important that you see pain as a test that examines how consumed you are with material comfort as opposed to spiritual growth.

Instead of being broken by pain, you must demonstrate your complete trust in G-d by continuing your life with an intense commitment to goodness, thereby challenging G-d to live up to His promises of being righteous and fair. Trust in G-d is our way of turning pain around. It proves to G-d that, although we may not fully understand our pain, we recognize it as part of a greater good. And despite our setbacks, despite our confusion, despite our pain, we remain absolutely confident that goodness will prevail.

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Tags: trust, blessings and curses, Rebbe, faith, attitude, suffering, pain, Toward a Meaningful Life
Posted in Excerpts From Toward a Meaningful Life, Personal Life, Emotions & Psychology, The Book: Toward a Meaningful Life, Pain & Suffering | 2 Comments »

A Business Proposal

April 11th, 2014

The news passed swiftly through the city of Chernigov, leaving shock and sorrow in its wake. Reb Yekutiel, a wealthy businessman and pillar of the community, had been arrested on charges of tax evasion and misappropriation of government funds.

All who knew Reb Yekutiel had no doubt of his innocence. Reb Yekutiel was known for his honesty, charity and modesty. Despite his immense wealth and influential position, he regarded every man as his equal and was always ready to lend a helping hand and attentive ear. For this, he had earned the respect and trust of all Chernigov’s residents, Jew and non-Jew alike. But this was czarist Russia, where a man could be arrested on a bureaucratic caprice or by the stroke of a vengeful commissioner’s pen.

Inexplicably, Reb Yekutiel was convicted. Nothing—not his connections in the government, not the numerous appeals by his expensive lawyers, nor the prayers of the community—could stave off the fate ordained for him. Reb Yekutiel was sentenced to ten years of hard labor in distant Siberia.

On the day before Reb Yekutiel was sent east, a man knocked on the door of Rabbi Dovid Tzvi Chein, rabbi of Chernigov. “Rabbi,” said the visitor, who was none other than the warden of the local jail, “Reb Yekutiel requests that you come see him. Special permission has been granted for you to visit him in his cell, should you desire to come.”

“Certainly,” said the Rabbi, “of course I’ll come,” and hurried to get his coat.

Tears filled Rabbi Dovid Tzvi’s eyes at the sight that met him upon entering the cell. Reb Yekutiel, too, was overwhelmed with emotion. The two men embraced and wept silently for some time. Finally, the prisoner began to speak:

“I asked you to come, Rabbi, not because I have any personal request to make, but because I want to tell you why I am here. Perhaps others can learn a lesson from my story.

“Several months ago, I was traveling to Petersburg for a series of meetings regarding my dealings with the government. As usual, I obtained a compartment in the first-class section of the train—a crucial necessity for any businessman seeking potential contacts among government officials and fellow merchants. It was then that I learned that the Lubavitcher Rebbe[2] was on the train.

“I passed by the Rebbe’s compartment, hoping to catch a glimpse of his holy face. The door was ajar, and suddenly I found myself gazing into his eyes—eyes that looked deeply into mine and seemed to know the innermost reaches of my soul. For a long moment I stood there, rooted to the spot. It was a while before I realized that the Rebbe was motioning to me to enter.

“With awe and trepidation I entered the Rebbe’s compartment. But the Rebbe soon put me at ease, inviting me to sit and offering me a cigarette. He expressed great interest in our community, as well as in my personal life and business dealings. In parting, the Rebbe said to me: ‘I’m sure you’ve heard of the railway that the government is planning to build across Siberia. I think this is a perfect business opportunity for you. As one who has close connections with Minister Potysukshnikov, you should be able to obtain a sizable contract as a lumber supplier.’

“I returned to my compartment in a state of confusion. The last thing I expected from the Rebbe was a business tip. On the one hand, I felt that the advice of a tzaddik should be followed. On the other hand, the proposal held no attraction for me, despite its great financial potential. My business affairs were going well, thanks to G-d; why should I leave my family and community and spend many long months, if not years, in far-off Siberia? At the end, I hesitated long enough for others to avail themselves of the opportunity—to my considerable relief, I must confess.

“And so, now I’m on my way to Siberia. I thought that the Rebbe was dispensing business advice, but he must have seen that there is something there, in Siberia, that I must achieve—some part of my mission in life that must be played out in the frozen east. I could have gone in comfort, as a wealthy businessman and government contractor. Now I am going in chains.”

[1].  Genesis 12:1,9.

[2]. Rabbi Shmuel Schneersohn, 1834-1882.

Posted in Personal Life, Business, Work & Money | 1 Comment »

Competition: How Free is the Free Market?

April 11th, 2014

Said Rabbi Meir: “Have you ever noticed how a horse behaves when he is led to a water hole? He begins to paw angrily at the water with his hooves; only when the water is well-muddied does he begin to drink. Why does the horse act this way?”

“I don’t know,” said the chassid. “Why?”

“Because the horse sees his reflection in the water and thinks that another horse has come to drink his water. So he kicks and paws until he has ‘chased away’ the other horse. What the horse doesn’t understand,” concluded Rabbi Meir, “is that G-d has created enough water for all the horses.”

 

Tags: business, economy, divine providence
Posted in Personal Life, Business, Work & Money, Featured | No Comments »

Is There More to Life Than Your Job?

April 11th, 2014

Toward a Meaningful Life with Simon Jacobson
Radio Show Transcript – July 30, 2000

Rabbi Simon Jacobson: Welcome to Toward a Meaningful Life. This week we’re going to deal with a popular topic: “Work—Making a Living, Making a Life.”

Now it may sound like a non-controversial and non-provocative topic, but I’ll try to infuse it with some type of challenge—in a way, some of the most challenging things in our lives are ones that are beneath the surface or invisible, not the “in-your-face” type of challenges, but things that are just part of our lives and seep into our rituals and habits.

Work is part of that; we all need to work and we all need to make a living. Some call it a career, others call it a profession, still others call it a hassle. Everyone has a different name for it, but to most, it’s a necessity. Some see it as a necessary evil; some see it as the most fruitful activity that we do.

There’s an expression, “You are what you eat.” The question is the same with work: Are you what you do? Are you what you work at? Or not? These are important questions because, especially in America, work takes up so much of our time. If you compare it to European countries and other cultures, work has never been as dominant a presence there as it is in our own country, both with the number of work hours as well as the focus on developing a career and becoming prosperous (if G-d so wishes).

So work has become a very prominent part of our lives, to the point where we have a challenge and battle between work and home, work and vacations, and the general oppression (as someone called it) of economy or capitalism.

I know people who cannot distinguish between the work they do and who they are as human beings; between their souls and their bodies; between their souls and their activities. Often we hear the expression: my soul has died, or my soul has been compromised, in the workplace—whether because of the need to conform to marketplace standards or just simple resignation (as Thoreau put it, a life of quiet desperation). Regardless, we simply go to work day after day and it becomes a monotony or ritual.

Work can kill something inside each of us. The meraglim, the scouts in the Bible, put it best. When Moses sent them to scout out the Promised Land before the Jewish nation entered the land, they came back with a report in which they summed up the challenge of the workplace in three words. They said, “Eretz oycheles yoishveoh,” “It is a land that consumes its inhabitants.”

Now who of us cannot say that we have experienced at least a taste of being consumed by work, by our employers, by the general oppression, by clients, by the pressures or the need to rely and depend on others?

How far will we go to make a sale? How much will we compromise ourselves? Some even question whether work is fundamentally ethical, because, for example, when you negotiate, you cannot be up front about everything, you can’t expose all your cards. And a big part of work is negotiation—negotiation with your boss, negotiation with other clients, negotiation between companies.

There’s a statement in the Talmud about work, even the healthiest form of work, and even the healthiest worker, has an element of idolatry in it. Not idolatry in the overt sense, but refers to not being up front about everything or being completely sincere about all your intentions.

That doesn’t mean you have to be insincere or a crook, or unethical, but the fact is, work is an environment that is conducive to a form of psychological manipulation where you convince someone of something. And we all are subjective in that environment. What damage does that do to our souls? What damage does that do to our standards? To our personal lives?

Now, given the above, is it reversible, is it inevitable, is there a way to avoid it?

I said before that work is an inevitability in the world we live in. As a kid I always used to wonder what would happen if they just abolished money—if there were no such thing as money and everybody could just buy whatever they wished. I asked my economics teacher what would happen if they just printed as much money as everyone would need. What would be missing?

That was my naïve attitude as a kid, and the answer I got was that no one would be motivated to do anything. No one would be motivated to keep their store open, for example. If you could buy anything you want, why open the store at 8:00 in the morning? You might as well sleep late and open at 11:00 and close at noon. There would be no motivation.

Growing up and hearing that, that on a very basic level money motivates people, I still grapple and struggle with the issue. Does that mean that if we were motivated some other way, we wouldn’t need to work? Or is making money only part of the motivation?

The truth is, in Jewish philosophy, there’s an expression, Adam l’amol yevaled, “Man was created to toil.” So it’s not just that there’s no other way to motivate people and the only way to make money is to work. There’s also a certain area of work that is part of our fundamental and inherent need as human beings to produce, to bear fruit. Gratification comes from bearing fruit, and work allows us not just to take but to give.

A young child, a newborn, is provided for by its parents, so you can’t call a young child a worker. As we grow older and begin to produce, whether first through work at school or at a part-time or summer job, and then finally going out into the workplace, we are essentially producing, bearing fruit. We begin to give. And that giving element of work is an extremely great blessing; as a matter of fact, it’s how we become G-dlike: that we’re not just on the receiving end, but we’re G-dlike in the sense that we create. We create as G-d creates. We have the ability to initiate, to pioneer, to tread new ground.

That’s work in its optimal sense. Yet, there’s also the other element where we work because we need to make money. It is in that context that work can become very much a necessary type of evil, as I said, one that just consumes us.

There’s a story that always comes to mind about this topic about a fellow in old Russia who was a great scholar and diligent student who went into business after he married. He went into the galoshes manufacturing business and made a killing, because in those days, the streets weren’t paved, and so the unpaved streets were very muddy. Galoshes saved many shoes and it was a very opportune and lucrative business.

The more he developed his business, the more—as King Solomon says, “Marbeh nechasim, marbeh daageh,” the more possessions, the more anxiety—the more consumed he became to the point that his whole life was consumed by this galoshes business.

Years later he came to visit his Rebbe, his great teacher, of whom he was such a special and dedicated student. His Rebbe took one look at him and realized that he was not the same person. He said to him, “You know, I have seen feet in galoshes, but I’ve never seen a head in galoshes.”

The Rebbe saw that his head, his mind, and his whole spirit were consumed by the galoshes. So it’s one thing to walk with your feet in galoshes, but it’s another thing to have your head in them to the point where there’s nothing else besides those galoshes.

That captures, in essence, the balance between the two. Perhaps the reason that some of us are so overwhelmed and so consumed by work is that we don’t have another side. Once we become identified with our work and our job, it becomes increasingly difficult to pull back and say, what else do I have in my life? And the way we balance it is usually through vacation and other things.

(Announcement break regarding obtaining a copy of “Meanings,” the free newsletter of the Meaningful Life Center. Call 1-800-363-2646 or write to us at wisdomreb@meaningfullife.com or write Meaningful Life Center, Suite 303, 788 Eastern Parkway, Brooklyn, NY 11213 to receive your free copy.)

Jacobson: Okay, we’re back. Some people use the expression “Get a life,” which often means, get a job. Are our lives our jobs or are our jobs our lives?

In talking about the galoshes story and distinguishing between where you put your mind and your feet, it requires self-appraisal to determine what exactly are your priorities. If someone were to ask you, “What exactly are you here for?” work is often what provides us with the strongest reason to be. With your work and your pay, whether in a white-collar or blue-collar job, if you feel you’re making a contribution and you feel valued there, that usually becomes the dominant factor in your life. We tend to gravitate to where we’re valued.

That’s where our souls can get lost. In general, we’re drawn by the forces around us and often climbing the career ladder of success becomes the compelling voice that defines who we are. After the passage of years, you suddenly stop and reflect and say, “Is this all there is to my life? Is this how I define myself?”

There is one type of situation where someone is blessed to have a job which is spiritually gratifying and ideologically invigorating, which of course is the rare instance.

Even there, one can question whether that satisfaction is generated by the work or generated from within. In other words, is it initiated by the fact that you yourself found a job that satisfies that inner drive, or is it just circumstances that just led you that way.

But it’s a very special gift to be blessed to have a job that in some way allows your soul and spirit to express itself.

But I think I’m correct in saying that most of us don’t have that type of position. The work we do is usually somewhat dichotomized or even divorced of who we really are and sometimes who you really are is lost and swallowed up and is submerged in what we do. It’s when work becomes our identity that we lose our identity.

On the other hand, not to have a job and just to focus on your inner spirit is often self-destructive as well. The fact of the matter is, we do live in a material world and we do need to have galoshes on our feet, and so being, that becomes the battle and the conflict between the need to find inner purpose and the need to survive.

I’m a working man myself, but I must say, I’ve been pretty pleased that I’m able to do a radio show like this and be the host. It’s very gratifying because though it’s work, it’s work that is secondary to the spirit of the work. In other words, to just sit here and gossip, for me, is not the objective. The objective is to be able to share words, to use these airwaves to be able to share something spiritual, something meaningful, something that can bring some solace, purpose, meaning, comfort to you out there and to myself. That’s ultimately the most gratifying thing that a teacher or educator can do, and I feel humbled and honored to be in that type of position.

Okay, let’s go to Philip on the line.

Caller: Hello Rabbi. You and I have spoken about this so many times, but what about people who have to work 50 weeks out of the year just so they can have a life for two weeks?

What about people who have jobs to support their families? It may be the most important thing for them, it’s what they do to get some gratification maybe, but most of the time they just can’t wait until they get home, though they put in their time at work, and then they wait for those two weeks to get their vacation. How are they to get meaning out of their lives? They can’t just quit. Not everybody is as lucky as maybe you are, to be able to do what you like, or like some songwriters or people you know.

What about the majority of people? How are they going to bring meaning to their lives while they have to do these jobs that they have to do?

Jacobson: Well, you know, I honestly wanted to hear that dilemma described in different types of terms, from different people calling here, because to address it properly requires looking at it case by case. But the point I was beginning to address was, how do you battle the challenge of—to use the language “it’s a land that consumes its inhabitants,” and your higher values?

The problem I find is that if you ask them, many people cannot really articulate, “Who are you?” Most people would define who they are by the activities or work that they’re involved in, and we haven’t really been trained or educated in our society to be able to speak about ourselves independent of what we do or work at.

Try it out with this exercise. The next time you go out with or speak to a friend, talk about life and say, “Let’s not mention at all the work or the job that we do.” You’ll find that there won’t be that much to discuss, because the fact is, work is a major factor in our lives.

Ultimately, my answer has to be, going back to the “Meaningful Life” theme, is that you have a soul, and your soul has to be nourished and nurtured as much as the body. Work can become completely a body effort, but the key is understanding that there’s a soul inside of you and more important, there’s a soul inside of your work. Every one of us, by somehow identifying the work that we do with some type of spiritual energy or spiritual benefit that comes out of it, whether a physician or attorney, whether a plumber or a computer programmer, every one of us can in some way spiritualized the work that we do. If you don’t do that, the tension between these two poles will always tug at you and create the dilemma that you’re describing.

Caller: But would you also say that since most of us start working very young and we don’t find out who we are until later, it’s even worse? Wouldn’t it be better if we could have gone to work knowing who we are?

I know for myself I’m still trying to find out who I am, but I know more and more as time goes by so I can look for certain types of things. So people find out later in life. They get set up in a career, and they think that that’s what’s meaningful to them, and then along the way they have certain experiences where they find out who they are and then they’re in conflict because they understand more than they understood earlier.

Jacobson: I appreciate your call and I’ll discuss that in a moment. Let’s go to Daniel on the line.

Caller: I should give you my experience. I’m a scribe…

Jacobson: In other words, you write religious articles.

Caller: Tefillin and sefer Torahs and mezuzahs. I find my place in my job somehow.

Jacobson: Does your job ever conflict with your home life? Do worries of making a living and getting the bills paid interfere?

Caller: Well, so far so good, as they say! I’m quite independent and I try to do besides my job some kiruv work, I try to do outreach to people, and Boruch Hashem.

Jacobson: Where do you live, Daniel?

Caller: Brooklyn. Ocean Parkway.

Jacobson: So let me explain this to the listeners. Daniel is a scribe, someone who actually writes sacred scrolls, whether Torah scrolls, mezuzos that we hang on the wall, or tefillin, phylacteries. When you actually sit and work as a scribe, a scribe has to sanctify himself as he sits and writes, he can’t just be distracted… you can’t have the television or the radio on.

Caller: G-d forbid!

Jacobson: Even if you’re listening to my show, you can’t do that and write those sacred scrolls. Do you do the actual writing?

Caller: Not now this minute.

Jacobson: But did you ever do the writing?

Caller: Yes, I do writing. Just not when you’re on the radio!

Jacobson: I understand. I’m not a sofer myself, but when you’re sitting there and working diligently writing those letters, you’re actually doing the physical work using ink and parchment, there’s a certain sanctity that you feel, like you’re transforming the world in a small way. You’re taking a physical parchment and in some way making it sacred, turning it into something that can be used, whether to read a Torah on Shabbat, or in some other holy activity. Do you feel that?

Caller: You’re asking me if I feel like I’m a tool in the hand of Hashem?

Jacobson: Yes. In other words, what does it do for your personally, and how does it feel to be active in that way?

Caller: I’ve been doing this for 15 years. I become completely nullified.

Jacobson: So you have no ego, Daniel?

Caller: No, I’m lying! No, I mean, I try to be a vehicle. It’s very hard to explain but I feel like a tool.

Jacobson: Well, I thank you for your call Daniel. I think that part of working, and that’s what I alluded to earlier, is not just about the necessary thing as a means to another end, which is making money, but it’s also a way to create, to produce.

However, the production can overwhelm us if we don’t recognize what the means are and what the ends are. The scouts made an error when they said, “It’s a land that consumes its inhabitants,” because they thought that the physical, material world was an end in itself and they just couldn’t handle that.

We need to be able to see our work as a way of bringing G-dliness into this world, in whatever it is that you do in the world. Let’s take a physician. You can say that being a physician is, on the one hand, a very well-paying job but it deals with illness and with death (G-d forbid). On the other hand, a physician is someone who heals the body. If you were to add to that dimension that he doesn’t just heal the body but that the body is a sacred object (because each of our bodies is created in the Divine image), then a doctor is not just healing a body, in a way he’s repairing the world in a microcosm. He’s putting things into place where there may have been (G-d forbid) an accident or a natural illness, or something that puts your body out of whack. If someone has his arteries blocked and a doctor comes and does a procedure that clears them out, even though that blockage may have come through eating the wrong foods or behaving in the wrong fashion, the doctor is in a sense cleansing the passages, making the body work the way G-d intended it to work.

Did you ever see how a newborn healthy child breathes in a perfect pattern? It’s just a pleasure to see. And then as we go through life, whether through the toxins in the environment or eating habits, or smoking, or whatever we do, our bodies become out of sync with the way they were intended to be.

So in a way, a doctor is doing sacred work. He’s trying to help the body return to the way G-d intended it to be. It’s the same thing with a scientist. It’s the same thing with each of us when we take the many different elements in our lives and we create organization. Any profession, then, can be viewed as an opportunity to align ourselves with the Divine picture of how G-d created the world. In that way, each of us then becomes a vehicle: we’re not just working, the work becomes a sacred act.

So it’s interesting that it’s not just about going to a house of worship and praying and studying and doing a mitzvah or a good deed that makes us Divine, it’s also our work—the place where we spend most of our time becomes a vehicle for who we are, if we allow ourselves to see it that way. Obviously, that requires the ability to view it in that light.

(Announcement break for Rabbi Jacobson’s weekly Wednesday Night class at 346 W. 89^th St., corner Riverside Drive in Manhattan at 8pm. Listeners are also invited to visit the website of the Meaningful Life Center at www.meaningfullife.com, call 1-800-3MEANING, or email at wisdomreb@meaningfullife.com for all the activities of the Meaningful Life Center, transcripts of the radio show, seminars, and other important information.)

Jacobson: We have Cathy on the air.

Caller: Hi Rabbi. Well, I just want to say that I’m in real estate and mortgage banking and it’s a profession, unfortunately, based on money, how much you’re going to make. Sometimes people take advantage of a lot of people in this profession, but I really try to look at it as helping someone and helping people afford the American dream. It really is rewarding to me to help someone who may not have a lot of money to buy a house. I just wanted to say that I think I’ve found meaning in what I do and it is very important not to get caught up in, like you said, the ends, which is money. There’s more than that.

Jacobson: I appreciate it and commend you Cathy. How would you distinguish why you are different from the people in the company that you work for, I mean, do you think the people that one might consider unethical at their work are ethical in their own personal lives? Or do you think it spills over?

Caller: I don’t think that they’re happy with themselves. I don’t think they find the deeper meaning in what they do, either.

Jacobson: If we had more people like Cathy…

Caller: Well, I’m not saying I’m this wonderful person, but, you know, I like understanding people. I look at it as helping the person, finding out their goals and what they want to achieve instead of saying, “Okay, I’m going to make this much money from this one, and this much commission from this house.”

Jacobson: Do you follow any religion or do you have any spiritual part to your life?

Caller: Well I am Catholic but I don’t really practice.

Jacobson: So this attitude of yours is something that you feel you’ve picked up from home—your parents are this way—or is it just who you are? I mean, you are the rare breed so I’m just wondering, is it something connected to your childhood or do you just feel that way?

Caller: Well, I do believe in G-d and I do feel that G-d will never give you more than what you can handle on one day. I kind of feel like it’s our duty, since we all live on this planet together, to pretty much help each other out, not by making it harder but by making it easier for each other, and I implement that in my work.

Jacobson: And you’ve never had the personal dilemma of maybe not being unethical, but maybe being on the borderline when it came down to your benefit as opposed to someone else’s benefit?

Caller: Sure. I have that struggle a lot.

Jacobson: Because you are in a business where sometimes there’s that thin line.

Caller: Right. I’m a firm believer in what goes around comes around.

Jacobson: I appreciate your call, Cathy. Keep it up and make sure you influence others as well in that same way.

Well, real estate and mortgage banking is definitely an industry that requires a pretty good imagination to figure out how to spiritualize it. But I must say, in an interesting way, besides the fact that we spiritualize the work that we do through being ethical and charitable, and not just thinking about ourselves, we can also find innovative ways of introducing spirituality and deeper meaning into our work and workplace.

I know a guy who has a charity box on his office standing desk. He is a high-powered executive, and even though he’s a strong negotiator and he does tough business dealings, the presence of the charity box, he tells me, sublimates and in some way has taken off the edge. In some way it’s a reminder that there’s more to life than your success and your gain.

Cathy touched upon something that I want to address, that people are basically insecure, so their money and their amassing of possessions and winning is the only thing that really matters and they forget about the other part of them. But I wanted to say that in addition to being charitable and ethical—which is a way to spiritualize the work that we do—we can also see our work as a metaphor for the Divine, for the sacred.

Let’s take real estate as an example since we’re talking about it. When we work in construction or real estate, in buildings, in homes, it’s interesting that the Midrash states that G-d created the universe because He wanted a home for Himself in this world, a comfortable home, in other words, that spirituality should be at home in this difficult, material world.

So when we look at our homes, they are not just comfort zones—oases and places to escape to and find shelter—a home is actually a microcosm and a model of what G-d wants the entire world to look like.

G-d wants us to take an untamed, material universe, tame the elements, and create a civilized environment. We do that in our own individual homes, hopefully, where the home becomes a reflection of warmth and comfort, and the people who come into your home feel welcomed. There’s a certain vibrancy and warmth in a home.

At the same time, we have to see that the home should become reflective of what we want to accomplish in this entire world. So when a person who’s working in real estate or mortgages thinks in that way, even though it may not be something that comes to mind every moment you’re at work, it gives your work a sense of purpose.

Work is actually a metaphor for the Divine, and this is true if you’re an engineer on a radio station or you’re selling ice cream, or whatever work you’re doing. However, it requires that we change our thinking and focus on how our work contributes to the Divine element.

I once spoke at a medical conference, and I spoke about the Jewish belief that there will be a day when there will be no illness and no death. With all the new developments in technology in medicine and biology, that may be coming perhaps even on a natural level. At the end of the talk, a doctor asked me the question, “Tell me, if that’s the case, that there will be no illness or death, what will we do? What will be our job?”

So after the requisite joke that perhaps that’s why doctors charge so much, in order to save for a long retirement, I said, “Well, you know, doctors then will do something really beautiful. It’s called preventive medicine. The fact that they have an intimate understanding of human anatomy and biology, they will be able to teach us the mysteries and the secrets of the Divine as reflected in the body—‘From my flesh I behold G-d.’” Our bodies are considered to be the most mystical of creations. The mysteries, the intricacies of the human body all reflect on higher and deeper cosmic secrets, because everything is created as a microcosm of the macrocosm.

And the same is true with scientists and technology. The understanding of the inner workings of the universe teach us about ourselves, and the ultimate frontier is when we can find balance between our understanding of the world, nature, the work that we do, and our own souls. That’s the ultimate integration, the marriage between who you are and what you do. As long as you do not connect the two, they are at battle: the battle between body and soul, between matter and spirit.

Basically to sum up (taken from Jewish mysticism as well as the practical side of things), whether we like it or not, our lives consist of two parts: our bodies and our souls; our work and our spirit; what you are and what you do. Initially, they are somewhat dichotomous, and it’s our job to unite and integrate the two.

We need to take the time to focus and create a type of spiritual space which allows us to recognize that we are not just what we do. But at the same time, and I think this is the ultimate challenge, we have to enter and immerse ourselves in our workplace—our feet need to be in the galoshes—and learn to integrate and elevate the work that we do with the making of something spiritual.

This of course includes using the talents, the connections, and the money you’ve made to advance different causes. But I’m going a step beyond that. Even your work itself, the talents that you have developed, the experience that you’ve earned, can itself be reflective of something more Divine.

I know there may be skeptics out there who say, “We live in a rat race. Tomorrow the stock market opens up. People are more worried about where Nasdaq is going and I don’t have time for this integration stuff.”

But that’s just the response of someone who can’t see the forest through the trees, someone who is consumed with the here and now. And don’t get me wrong, all of us have that challenge. I sometimes also feel that way. Sometimes you’re involved in the moment, that’s why we have weekends, that’s why we have Sunday evenings like this and we have other moments where we can sit back and reflect and really prepare ourselves to whether that’s what we want to have, is that what we want to gain with our lives, and really create that type of balanced look at things.

Not that it’s easy at all. A lot of what drives our lives is the insecurity of life itself. The fact that we live in a material world, the fact that our psyches, our subconscious, for that matter our conscious minds know that materialism is impermanent, temporary, creates deep insecurity in our lives. And when we’re insecure, we hold on to the eggs in the basket, the possessions, and the pursuit of money becomes a very strong driving force because it creates the illusion of security.

The more we are immersed in that illusion of security, the more difficult it gets to allow anything else in.

I find many people who are really kind people, who may be ethical in their personal lives, who become sharks at work to the point of being unethical and immoral. Their need to win has a lot to do with security and insecurity and what they think is important in life.

Let’s go to Paul.

Caller: Hello Rabbi. The church has a teaching of Boccachio (?) many years ago in history, teaching people that work was good, but not with the same uplifting spirit: it was partly manipulative. But I do share your value system, and then you mentioned Jewish mysticism and I was wondering if you could say what that means. I don’t understand that term.

Jacobson: Okay, thank you, Paul. About Jewish mysticism, some call it the Kabbalah, and many of the teachings that I share with on this show are essentially universal teachings of spirituality. My own roots take me to Jewish mysticism, and its focus is the understanding of the inner workings of what makes us who we are and what makes this world the way it is.

In a way it’s a form of science except it’s not science in the conventional sense. It deals more with the mystical, psychological and spiritual forces. So to address tonight’s topic, the importance of work and its place in our lives, I gleaned some of what I’m saying here about the battle between the marketplace and our spirit, the battle between matter and spirit, between body and soul, on the mystical concept that there’s a constant struggle or tension between matter and spirit. Some call it the struggle between form and function, between the outer and the inner, between the need to survive and the need to perpetuate our value systems.

So we have a narcissistic or greedy side, and a transcendental and selfless side, and in the battle between the two, many of us succumb to one or the other. Many people have chosen a life of escapism or asceticism, where they separate themselves to just live in a spiritual environment and not have to deal with these challenges.

Most of us can’t really manage that and don’t even find it necessarily optimal, and we more or less resign ourselves to assimilate and we fall into the trap of our work. Mysticism deals with this struggle and battle because it this struggle is essentially the heart of life itself.

We liken this to the analogy of the flame and the wick, where the flame reaches upward and the wick contains it and keeps it down. So there’s a battle between these two, and Jewish mysticism teaches that the ultimate is to integrate the two. We don’t need to compromise them, but to do so, to relieve the tension between matter and spirit, we have to learn how to spiritualize the material.

So it’s one thing to dedicate some time to spirit, which we do whether through prayer, study, or repentance (teshuvah) which is often done during the holiday season. And I say this for all religions, that everyone has his time of introspection.

But that still does not necessarily deal with what to do when we have to go back to work. How do you bring it back to the workplace with you? In Jewish mysticism, one of the ways to do that is to look at everything we do in the world, even the most material of activities, as being somewhat of a metaphor, a channel, a vehicle, for G-dliness. Every person’s work has its different way. I spoke about medicine, and real estate, and its the same in every given area.

If you are in a particular type of job and you’d like to know the spiritual metaphor for this, the meaningful dimension in whatever you do, please email us at wisdomreb@meaningfullife.com or call us, and we’ll try to provide that insight.

(Announcement break. This show and all of the activities of the Meaningful Life Center activities are made possible by the contributions from people like you who wish to achieve a life full of meaning and purpose. We invite you to join us and become our partners in creating a better world. For contribution and sponsorship opportunities, please call 1-800-3MEANING, 1-800-363-2646, or write to the Meaningful Life Center, Suite 303, 788 Eastern Parkway, Brooklyn, NY 11213.)

Jacobson: A friend of mine who works in the stock market, in investments, called me a few weeks ago and he said things are a little rough, times are down. He said, “I guess we got really spoiled because things were really up in the market last year or earlier this year,” and so he’s riding it through.

So I gave him a suggestion. “Why don’t you make G-d your partner in your business by making charitable gifts? Make G-d your partner, because then G-d is invested in your business of being successful because you have invited Him in. And as a good partner, G-d will do G-d’s part in making sure your business is successful.

And guess what—of course I wouldn’t tell you the story if it didn’t work—it worked! He told me a few days later that it worked.

Now, there are no guarantees in life, but you see from that that it’s not a question of the miraculous, it’s a question of focus. The fact is, you need to have optimism and a sense of confidence in what you’re doing.

 Now work can be oppressive, and much has been written about the oppression of work and what it does to us. For it not to be oppressive, you need to be able to keep your head above water, to keep your head in the clouds even when your feet are firmly planted on the ground and in your galoshes.

There was a chassid, a great devout man, who had a business. At the end of the year he was doing his accounting and figuring his income and expenses. He wrote on each line, in January we did this much in income/expenses, in February, etc., and finally when it came to the total for the fiscal year, he wrote: Total= “There’s nothing besides G-d.” (In Hebrew, “Ein od milvado.”)

The question is asked, if he was such a spiritual and devout man that the total was not about money but G-d, then why didn’t he write that on each of the lines: January = G-d, February=G-d?

The answer is, because if he wrote “G-d” on each of the lines, he wouldn’t belong in business. He would belong in a synagogue, in a yeshiva, in an academy. To be a businessman, maaseh u’mattan b’emunah, he has to know his numbers. He has to know how to run his business.

But for him, these were only the means to the end. The sum total, where all this led up to, January, February, March, equaled a higher purpose. To keep that higher purpose as a focus is not an easy thing to do.

Try this exercise. Take out a piece of paper and try to draw a circle and tell me how perfect that circle is. No matter how talented you are, even if you’re an artist, you’re not going to draw a perfect circle.

Now, to get a perfect circle you need a compass. A compass has a needle and you stick it in the paper, hold it firmly, and then you draw a circle with a pencil around that center. What’s the difference between that circle and the one you drew without a compass? The difference is that one has a center and one does not.

No circle can be complete if you do not have a center. Even with a center, you have to have it firmly established so it doesn’t become jagged and incomplete. If your compass is continually shifting, you will not be able to create that perfect circle.

The center of our lives is not our work. Our work is the circle. The center is your spirit, your purpose, and your vision. The work that you do should extend from your center, not the other way around.

If you don’t have a spiritual center and the center you create around your work shifts—you lose your job or you get older, or you get bored with your work—then your circle can never really be complete because it is being driven by the means rather than by the ends.

This has been Toward a Meaningful Life with Simon Jacobson. I want to wish you all that you are able to integrate your matter and your spirit, your work and your life, that they become one integrated spiritual whole, where we make a home for G-d in the work and the activities that we’re involved with.

See you next week.

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Mega Corporations & Individual Freedom

April 11th, 2014

Mike Feder: Hello everybody. We’re back again after being bumped by the hockey or basketball game last week. This is your host Mike Feder and we’re here with Rabbi Simon Jacobson on Toward a Meaningful Life with Simon Jacobson. It seems like years when you’re not on for one week, doesn’t it?

Rabbi Simon Jacobson: Well, we can play our own ice hockey here.

Feder: Okay, let me just jump into this thing that’s been on my mind. Something happened last week—kind of a massive news story all over the place—that AOL merged with Time Warner. Now, this is not just business news. I’m going to express certain fears and thoughts that I have about this, and I hope you can shape it and discuss what you think is going on here.

Editorials and articles are in every section of the newspaper about this—as I said, not just the financial section. This seems to be having some sort of massive, symbolic effect on our whole culture. And what’s happening, it seems to me, is that everybody has this universal fear that one company, or a few companies which seem to be merging into one large company, are swallowing up every single company. You can already see the results of it in some places, but basically here we’re talking about communications companies.

Someone made a joke once in an editorial that one day “President” Gates would do such and such. But of course now we see that Gates is stepping aside theoretically because his company is probably being broken up.

But yet there’s a feeling that one company or a group of companies controlled by a few individuals are going to control absolutely everything: what you wear, what you see, what you hear, any kind of thing that you read, what you buy, and I think what I’m getting at is that it feels as if I, as an individual human being in society, am being completely marginalized to the point where I think, as an individual, I might disappear.

And I don’t mean this in any way as a psychological issue, that’s a separate problem, but I wonder if other people listening have this same feeling—and I’ve seen it in editorials—that in this modern world, with everything being globalized and taken over by an increasingly narrow group of people, you get the feeling that as an individual…

Let me put it bluntly. There is a phrase that you (Rabbi Jacobson) often use, and your organization uses, which is that “You Matter.” I’ve heard you say that before. I get the feeling that when I read the headlines these days, an individual human being doesn’t really matter anymore. You’re just a consumer unit now and nothing else.

The government doesn’t care about your vote. The companies don’t care what you think. You buy what they make; you vote the way they tell you. That’s it. So I feel like I’m expressing a fear that a lot of people might share.

Jacobson: Yes, but the fear has to be broken down into several components in order to discuss it intelligently. In a show like this, “Toward a Meaningful Life,” the key question is, how does all this bear upon our lives? What are the consequences? What are the risks? What are the challenges that lie ahead of each of us as individuals and as a group? What responsibility do we as parents and as educators have, and what responsibility does the government have?

I would break it down essentially into two types of fears. One is the control of the flow of knowledge and information: that whenever that is allowed to be controlled by a particular party or group of individuals, there’s always the fear that the knowledge will not be completely free, meaning that some individuals will choose what is relevant and what is important for others to listen to or hear or read.

The second fear that you describe is the fear of losing our individuality, our personalities. That we’ve become, as Huxley puts it in Brave New World or George Orwell in 1984, a type of mass society, with mass consumerism, where individual interests are not that relevant or important.

Feder: Well, in fact, they become crimes in these societies.

Jacobson: Right. For the collective good. Now, speaking from somewhat of a spiritual perspective, in Jewish mysticism, we can almost see the universe, or history, divided into two ages: the materialistic age and the spiritual age. I believe what we’re really experiencing right now is the transition—that we’re coming to the end and the edge of the materialistic age and we’re entering a spiritual age.

Feder: Do you mean that it’s getting darker before the dawn? Is that what’s happening here?

Jacobson: No. But I’ll explain. We’re still using the old economic rules in a game that’s soon going to change entirely. The old rules — which have prevailed for quite some years now — are based on a specific economic model for capitalism, which essentially allows for a corporate structure that leads to mergers we are witnessing. Remember, before AOL, it was Time and Warner that merged. Now it’s Time, Warner and AOL. So maybe Time, Warner, AOL and AT&T, Yahoo, and… WEVD!

Feder: Maybe WEVD will buy all of them. And we’re in on the ground floor here!

Jacobson: So the economic model that allows for this is a model based on a materialistic age. In a sense, what’s happening is that the Internet, which is of course very critical in this particular merger, has opened up a completely new, exciting level of commerce, which has become international. Global lines are being redefined or actually disappearing; where now you have one large international mall that anyone, anywhere, can come and access. This is giving the corporate honchos a whole new perspective on how to play the game, but they’re playing by the rules that go back at least a century or two and they’re just taking it to the max.

I believe that it’s going to come to a point where we’re going to have to create a new economic model for a new type of world.

Feder: It’s that idea of a “critical mass.” So something’s going to have to approach a point where it’s almost going to blow up before it changes, right?

Jacobson: Right. Well, not blow up literally. I think what’s going to happen is that the economic equations resulting from the old model will become so ludicrous, that it will become obvious that we need to create a new model. We will need to address the growing paradox that we find emerging today, on one hand the centralization of corporate power you describe, on the other hand, a decentralization which is unprecedented in history how individuals can, at their will, access any information they wish.

You can go to any library and read about anything. You can go onto the Internet and access any information that was once very difficult to access.

Feder: So there’s more choice now than ever.

Jacobson: So it seems like a paradox. On one hand, centralization seems to give certain individuals the control of the information flow. On the other hand, there is an unprecedented free-flow of information. We don’t live in a Fascist regime where the radio waves are controlled. You and I can say anything we want on the radio right now. We can even challenge the corporate structure and we have a right to do that.

So what’s happening is that a real dichotomy is being created and there is going to be a real serious tension, including the fears you described… but I don’t think that the fear will be as it’s painted in Brave New World or 1984. I think what will happen is that the masses, the grassroots, that these mega-conglomerates want to control and have them buy their products, are going to rebel and make a very large statement. And that, I believe, will have to change, on a governmental level, our economic structure of how we sell things. Even on a basic level of how we sell things, who controls what is sold.

Feder: These people seem to be the kind of people—and I’m not judging them so much but just describing them—who will eat everything that they can eat that’s in their path. Now if you don’t want to be eaten, you’re going to have to stand up and say, “I don’t want you to eat me.” You can’t just sit there because they will consume you. And I believe that that’s the way things are. So what I’m saying is that I think there will be a battle of some sort, legal…

Jacobson:

Well, I’m putting it into two ages. We’re ending one age but the rules are still being played the way the economic models have been structured for a materialistic age.

Feder: It’s becoming a Darwinian jungle world.

Jacobson: When I say a spiritual age, I mean a world in which there is an individual search for deeper meaning, for G-d, for purpose, that will ultimately, because of the easy access of information, be a very loud voice. And there will be a clash, and the economic model will have to be redefined entirely to really address a community of individuals. But it will be an international community of individuals.

I’m trying to take a different approach from the conventional approach, because I don’t know if the issue (or solution) here is regulation, for instance. You know, the government can always come in and say, “This is a monopoly and therefore it undermines free commerce” because the corporation can control pricing in addition to controlling the flow of information that we’re describing.

But that’s called damage control. There’s a reason that these conglomerates are being created, because the industries are converging and the economic climate is creating a demand for that. Time Warner has interests on the Internet. AOL has interest in what Time Warner has to offer. So you can’t stop the flow of progress so to speak. It’s logical that if two people need something of each other they’ll join forces, just like two partners may open a business, except here the partnership is becoming so large that it has the consequences and the fears that you, Mike, described earlier.

But you have to remember that they’re not being driven by some type of dictatorship type of position—they feel it’s economical: it’s going to ultimately make more money for them and their shareholders to join forces rather than stay apart.

Feder: But isn’t there anything beneath that drive that seems to be even a deeper drive?

Jacobson: We have to then assess each individual. But I have no reason to be suspicious of someone trying to be a Hitler here and trying to dominate the world. Obviously, power corrupts and power is addictive and all of that. What I’m trying to say is that there are forces that are driving them together. So regulating is one thing. But the real question for us has to be, and that’s what I would address, which is, as individuals, what does this mean for us. What do we say about it—including the fears you described.

I’ll put it this way. In the Code of Jewish Law, the first line which opens the entire code of human behavior states, “Do not be ashamed of those who will mock you.” Essentially it’s addressing the whole issue of peer pressure, which is one of the most powerful forces in society. Conformity. We all have it at school. We don’t want to stand out. The popular kids dictate the standard so everyone just goes along. Mass mentality. Why should you look differently; why should you behave differently…conformity.

And we all struggle with peer pressure and conformity as we grow into adults as well. You go to work and there are certain standards there; standards that may not even be healthy. A certain competitiveness in the marketplace often creates a real type of dog-eat-dog attitude; survival of the fittest.

On the other hand, since we’re in that culture, the question is, how do we maintain individuality in the face of any type of mass consumerism.

Now the fact is that the media has inundated our lives. You look at a magazine, television, newspaper, radio… much of it is controlled by those who buy advertising time or space in those media, and they have the money to create images that are so psychologically compelling and seductive that the proof is in the pudding. They wouldn’t have spent the money if they weren’t selling products due to that advertising.

Look at the Super Bowl as an extreme example. The Super Bowl has created an industry just to see the new ads — entire industries are developing ad campaigns surrounding the Super Bowl because it has such a market share of viewers.

So what you have here is a general trend toward that type of mind control, and the question is, what is to be done about it? So on the one hand we can say, okay, let’s regulate the conglomerates

Feder: Break them up, scatter them…

Jacobson: Scatter them so you don’t have any monopolized control. But then the argument would be that you are really undermining economic progress, because there’s a reason that these partnerships and alliances are being created.

The question I would raise is how can we empower individuals so they can not just withstand this inundation but flourish and have the best of both worlds?

How can you benefit from a large company, for example, and not lose your individuality? That would really be the question. Because remember, if you think this is just the case in our generation, was there no conformity in the Roman Empire? It’s just that they didn’t have technology that reached billions of people. But they controlled their communities. It’s always been an issue in history where several individuals, either through government or through religious or economic power, try to control the masses.

So I think the real question is, what’s happened to us, to our souls? To blame AOL and Time Warner that they have extinguished our souls…

Feder: No, you can’t accuse them of that…

Jacobson: Exactly. They are really a product of a general system that’s going a certain way, a way that we’ve all always tolerated and, at best, participated in. For example, if you or I were working as a Vice Chairman of AOL or Time Warner or one of these companies, and they asked us logically what we should be doing now, and you said, “You know, I vote for this merger,” your vote would be based purely on a logical, economic rationale—the same as you’d make a decision to change a job or to buy a home in a different area that has lucrative potential. It’s an investment type of idea.

But the problem would be that you’ve already become a victim because you’re working in that environment.

Feder: And you can’t see the forest for the trees.

Jacobson: Exactly. So it’s very difficult to begin to preach ethics once you have a society that has essentially created these monsters. You know, if you talk about a dictator or a Fascist, like a Hitler, even that, without people supporting him, he could not have risen.

But in our situation, we’re not dealing with an individual evil, an individual who’s an evil force, and we’re not talking now about people who are so fanatical that they think that Bill Gates is a fascist, G-d forbid. I wouldn’t even compare.

We have a world that is capitalistic by nature. The laws of the government are controlled by publicly elected officials. It’s true that lobbying and money does control much of the regulation, but the basics are controlled by people, and if the people would have a very loud voice to change certain principles, for instance, of capitalism. If you read any Marxian thought on economic theory, the driving force is greed, to have more money. I think the majority of Americans have always voted for that.

Feder: Absolutely.

Jacobson: One could argue that they haven’t been given the choice, and you know, they don’t call it greed, they call it success built upon the motivation that you want more and more.

Feder: It’s called greed!

Jacobson: But they won’t call it greed, they’ll paint it as something that motivates people to grow.

Feder: Enlightened self-interests?

Jacobson: I think the question is how do we reclaim our souls? And remember, Gerald Levin and Steven Case also have souls, and they have families. I’m sure that they try to be good to their families.

Feder: Well, Levin had that tragedy in his family.

Jacobson: And I think that they are, in a way, just products of the society that we, ourselves, have created. That’s why I like the idea of looking at the two ages we spoke about: a materialistic age… which they’ve taken to the extreme. It’s almost like lawyers who come and say, “Okay, the IRS has written certain tax laws. We will now show you every loophole possible to figure out how to maximize your income.”

And then the IRS says, “Okay, we’re closing another loophole. It almost becomes a cat and mouse game, as they say, the manufacturers of speed radars for cops, are the same manufacturers of radar detectors. And as they make better radar detectors, they have to create a new radar, so it’s an entire economy based on their own internal competition.

I think our focus should be, Mike, how does a person, as an individual, reclaim his or her soul or control that soul not just from conforming but to any forces—not just economic or corporate forces. That would be my approach, rather than just painting the situation as an evil force where information will be coming from two or three individuals, period.

Feder: Okay, that’s a very good answer to a stated fear and a question. Let me come back to refine (since the answer has already been given and a search has been pointed out) just a couple of things.

Now, the first point is, and you use the words often, “The people have to do this to bring about something.” As anybody familiar with science knows, a mass is constructed of individual particles. Now, “the people” is not one big uniform thing. The people are all of us as individuals together. And that’s what’s important also that was planned in our Constitution.

The second thing is, once upon a time, when you didn’t want to participate in the mass culture of wherever you were, you could go someplace else. You could get on a ship, you could emigrate, you could get on a plane. Today, there’s nowhere left. And the only place left is to retreat inside your house or apartment to get away from this. There’s no America to explore. There are no lands to explore anymore. Nobody’s going to outer space to find a place to go. We’re all here right now.

And I think actually what’s happening is that it is pointing to this critical switchover, from one sort of world to another, because, in a way, there’s no place left to go. We are all boxed in here. And we’re either going to have to conform to this or learn to live in this collective way, or we’re going to have to move in some other direction. We’re almost being squeezed like a toothpaste tube. Do you see what I mean?

Jacobson: That is where we travel on an inner journey, in inner space. And that is what I mean when I use the words “reclaiming your soul.” You see, your individuality and your choices of how to live your life are ultimately your and only your responsibility. You choose how much television you want to watch, how many newspapers you want to read. You pick and choose. And knowledge of all sorts is readily available today. I agree that if we as parents just allow our children to be swept away by the media, then we are doing them a great injustice.  But we have the power and the control how to to educate our children and to monitor the flow of information.

So it’s true that it’s definitely a legitimate issue to discuss what’s happening when all these mega-conglomerates are being formed, but at the same time, the place where we can still maneuver is the place where we always were able to maneuver, and that’s individual freedom which is a completely internal thing.

This would be true even if the entire world were controlled by one corporation, and I’m talking about a corporation that obviously is not a violent one (because if it’s a violent one, then it threatens your life) but an economic corporation.

Feder: It’s not an inconceivable fact. That one corporation could run everything.

Jacobson: Yes. I still think that unless they imposed rules and laws, like in those books that we mentioned, a human being’s freedom is not dependent on what they produce. It depends on who you are and how you see yourself.

Just as it is today. I think most human beings naturally conform, even if there isn’t just one corporation, even if there are a million corporations. In other words, conformity is not just driven by how many companies there are and who’s controlling them, it’s driven by your individual search for freedom.

Feder: Let me mention one last thing and I think we’re honing in here on the point. There was an article in the New York Times the other day (I think it was in the Science Section), something people have been writing about a lot, that it seems like it’s going to become possible, because of scientific developments which are produced basically by corporations that experiment with these types of things, that sooner or later there won’t be a question of aging anymore; that people might even be able to live for who knows how long, or forever.

Basically what they’re talking about is implanting chips and replacement parts in people’s bodies for body parts that wear out—they can do this even at birth—so that you won’t wear those things out. Now, I don’t want to get into some weird area of conspiracy or control in some way, but you know, if you’re a corporate guy and you’re in control of some worldwide corporation that runs and sells everything, you don’t want people saying, “I don’t think I’ll buy that.” That’s not economically good. You want everyone to say, “I’ll buy that new product and I’m happy to have it.” Why not just plant the chip in there to begin with. Do you see what I’m driving at? The novels we were discussing, these were prophetic novels.

Jacobson: But Mike. The solution from my point of view, the only answer to this, to rise above the fears, is the soul, is G-d. It comes down to that. If ever there was a time that we need G-d to be free, it’s now. Because once upon a time, the battle was with evil forces that were oppressive. They literally did not allow you to read what you wanted to read, they did not allow you to pray as you wished to pray, to educate your children as you wished. You couldn’t move about freely from place to place.

So today there is mind control in a very powerful way, but the soul is free if it wants to be. And it comes down to this. I’ll take another scenario. Imagine all these mega-mergers weren’t happening and there were billions of companies, with everything being completely fragmented. Do you think that human beings would be less conformist? Conformity is still an individual choice, it’s the easy way out when you don’t have an identity.

Let’s put it very simply: an identity crisis is really the issue at hand. When your parents did not give you an identity when you grew up because they didn’t have one, they’re insecure, and their insecurity was projected upon you as a child, and you go out into a world and look for your identity in a magazine, well, your identity depends on what page you’re looking at. Every ad has a different type of identity. And you’re in a world where there are a lot of identity-less people—what’s happening is that there’s no choice but to conform to the mass mentality because you want to belong, you want to have some type of security.

Now we all know that security is a complete farce because it gives you nothing: you have to play by the rules and if you don’t, you’re out.

It’s all the result of lacking security in our individuality. I know why I’m here. And I will use AOL Time Warner products when I want to use them because they benefit my individual search for meaning; for G-d.

If they don’t, I won’t buy their products. And when you’re intelligent and knowledgeable enough to know how to pick knowledge—you know, there’s a thing called objective knowledge—we have minds. The mind is supposed to be a processor. So we can say, “You know, Time Warner is producing very good products, but some of them are complete garbage. I don’t want to see them; I don’t want my children to view them. There are other things that are very good quality.”

It’s like going to a bookstore and buying a book published, say by Random House, which publishes I don’t know how many books a year—90% of which may be pure trash from our perspective. But one book can be a really good book.

Now, this has been the question about publishers as well. Who decides what books should be published in America? It’s a few individuals, we know that.

Feder: Barnes & Noble.

Jacobson: It’s a few individuals, and money is a big factor, commercialization. I wrote a book so I’m very familiar with part of the business. Are the best authors being published? Are the best people who can communicate and share a message of hope for people today, fiction or non-fiction, being published?

No, it’s whom you know. It’s that mazal thing, a matter of luck. If you met the right agent, the right publisher, someone to really stand behind you. But to just paint a negative picture of publishers that way doesn’t help anything, because we’re not going to change it. And if you did change it, we’d say, okay, instead of these publishers, we’ll appoint someone else. So they may be even more corrupt. They may have even a lower common denominator of what they’d decide to publish.

Feder: The British have this phrase called a “level playing field.” And it’s not just an upper-class comment, it’s a certain ethical construct. For example, at the behest of a group of booksellers, the government sued Barnes & Nobles and a bunch of publishers because they found out that the major publishers were bribing Barnes & Nobles with tens of thousands of dollars to place books that they wanted to sell in front of the store and hide the other books in the back someplace. And this was considered unfair.

From an economic point of view and from these conglomerates points of view, you’re saying that an individual has to make choices all the time and be responsible. Correct. You’re responsible for your own soul and for your own choices. Yet if everything that comes into your five senses is so controlled, it becomes even harder and more of a challenge than it ever was to choose objectively what you really want. Would you agree?

Jacobson: I’m glad you put it that way. Regarding the five senses, yes. But you have something that’s beyond your five senses, and that nobody can give you.

Feder: Or take away.

Jacobson: Exactly. And that’s the key to all this. We live in a sensory world, which means that 99.99% of our activities involves our sight, hearing, taste, touch and smell. That’s how we relate empirically to this tangible world.

But there’s a super-sensory dimension, which is who you are. Because remember, Mike, if you shut your eyes now, and all the listeners can try that as an exercise at home right now, if you shut your eyes and close your ears, and don’t use your senses of taste, touch and smell, what would be left?

So initially, the thought may be terrifying, because you may think that you would disappear. But no. Do you know what would be left? Your soul. Your individual you. The one that’s not controlled by Time Warner or AOL or by Microsoft, or by anybody.

Feder: I’ll bet if 99% of the people listening right now did that right now, provided they’re not in a car, they would become very scared and very confused.

Jacobson: Yes. But let’s follow through. We would become scared and confused because we are so accustomed to these tools. But let’s see what would happen for a moment. Remember, you don’t need eyes to see yourself and you don’t need ears to hear yourself, you don’t need taste, touch and smell to experience yourself. They’re only really, as it’s called in Jewish thought, gates between you and the world around you.

You need eyes to see others or for them to see you. You need ears to hear others or for them to hear you. Taste, touch and smell are in the same category. What you’re left with is an individual personality, and the fear that you’re describing is that we’ve not been taught how to nurture that part of ourselves. So we know how to nurture our eyes, or at least that’s what’s being sold to us. Watch this program. Read this magazine. Look at these pictures. Come visit us here.

We’re told what we should listen to. But that tool that I’ll call the spirit or the soul, that super-sensory dimension, is something that no one really teaches us in a formal way how to cultivate; not in education or at home. So what happens is it gets lost in the shuffle.

But what’s getting lost? You. The real you is getting lost in the shuffle. Your eyes, ears and other senses should only be enhancers of your individual experiences. Instead, they become the end in itself. It’s like the shovel being more important than the hand using it. Or like the glove being more important than the hand that goes in the glove, as if what you see is more important than the essence of what you see.

And there becomes a divorce, a dichotomy, between who you are and what you do and what you’re involved in. True, you’re involved in what others are exposing you to. If you want to entertain yourself on television, you don’t have a choice to watch what you like. There are only so many programs, for good or for bad.

However, real freedom will never come through your senses. Because let’s say the programming on television was top quality, excellent. Let’s say, for some reason, the most benevolent, spiritual person became the chairman of this megacorporation. He or she still cannot give you your soul. He can make sure that you have enough information to help you choose, and it’s open enough and it’s not driven purely by the lowest common denominator and sleaze and so on, but this still can’t give you your soul.

All he can give you are tools. Even in the best scenario. And the way he gives you those tools is in the same manner that a parent or a good educator gives a child tools and says, “Here are the tools, now you still have to discover yourself. All I can give you is information.”

Really I see this whole media world, we’ve been calling it mega-corporations, as essentially tools. And yes, the tool has become more important than the individual and that’s why we need to enter into a new age in which the rules will be rewritten.

Because if people do reclaim their soul, and then they see that television is superficial and not addressing their inner needs, then they will have the option to tell you what they want to see because they know what they want. But how many people can say that they know what they want?

For example, if you took a poll and asked, “What would you like to see on Time Warner programming?” so Mike Feder would say one thing and Simon Jacobson would say another thing, and I’m sure every listener would say something else. One would say, I want more wrestling, and this one would say, no, I want more programming of another sort. But it would all be based on previous paradigms, not on a new paradigm of what do you want? What does your soul want? What do you really want to see?

Feder: Let’s take a break here, because I think the merger of two powerful corporations, you and me right now, have actually lost the individual listener in the shuffle. So we’re going to see if the individual listener is out there right now and ask that people call in so we can get your calls and comments on this issue. The number is 212-244-1050. If you wish to get in touch with us further, or express your opinions, there’s another number you can call: 1-800-3MEANING (1-800-363-2646). You can also email us at wisdomreb@meaningfullife.com and don’t forget our website which is www.meaningfullife.com where you can download transcripts of these radio programs.

Okay, we have Gary from Brooklyn on the line.

Caller: I was at a meeting last night (I live in Park Slope and they just opened up a Starbucks) and this person was saying that instead of walking in Prospect Park he feels this need to go into Starbucks. And I just think it’s about consciousness raising which is what the Rabbi was saying. We can make our individual choices and we don’t need to be manipulated by what we think is the latest fad and what we think is going to soothe us.

Feder: So you have no fears about what’s going on? Your individual soul is intact and good shape for you?

Caller: Well, I wouldn’t say it’s totally in shape, but I think that one has to be aware of one’s choices and just see through the illusions that are being sold to us.

Jacobson: It’s definitely true. I’m not in any way trying to minimize the challenges that arise when companies and those who control programming and so on create a culture that definitely makes it more difficult to discover our individuality. Yet, that just accentuates the challenge that lies before us as parents and educators of really looking deeper into our own souls and finding a soul language. All these tools and technology should simply serve our soul language.

Feder: And you’re saying that one day it will—that we’re on the verge of this?

Jacobson: It’s going to have to happen, because people are going to be terrified, as you voiced today, and there’s going to be a collision and an uproar. When a paradigm changes, even when we’re still living by old paradigm rules, the new paradigm dictates a change that brings new rules. That’s the beauty, in a way, that ultimately the truth will emerge, like what will work for people, or what doesn’t work.

Feder: Okay, we have a call from Shifra.

Caller: Hi, Rabbi. I was listening very attentively since the very beginning, and my question is this. As a lay person, and given this kind of pattern that’s happening, we as little people, I can’t understand how that’s going to affect me. Could you give me an example? When we speak about our neshamah, or our inner soul, or to choose, the filtering down will be so subtle, how is this going to affect the masses?

Jacobson:

The point of this show has always been how to develop tools to live a more meaningful life. We have not been discussing on this show tonight exact ways how to cultivate that soul, but I believe that when you focus in on the type of self-discovery that you alluded to earlier, Mike, that “you matter, that you’ve been put here in this world on a spiritual mission, to refine the world, to live it differently in some small than how you came in,” then when you get in touch with that type of mission, that becomes a very powerful force in your life. It becomes the most passionate, compelling force. And you don’t get swept away that quickly by all these distractions. So that’s a tangible way, when a person gets in touch with it.

I believe that in our type of environment, there’s a great opportunity for a community of souls to commune with each other. When you email your friend today, you have a choice what you can email. You can email garbage and baloney, or you can talk about something that’s this type of soul language we’ve been talking about.

Feder: So it always does come down to individual responsibility.

Jacobson: It does. And this is part of our choices. See, I’m an optimist. I have faith in human dignity, in the Divine image in which we were created. So I believe that that Divine image will ultimately surface, despite all the challenges.

And yes, with these mega-mergers, perhaps one company will suddenly take over all of them because it’s so wealthy, and this will suddenly wake everyone up. Not that there’s something essentially wrong with that merger, but just a description of the current state of affairs. It will just force us to take a look at ourselves in a new way.

Feder: Okay, we have Dalia on the line.

Caller: Good evening. Last night I was driving down the BQE; I was really content and happy and my soul was peaceful…

Jacobson: On the BQE your soul was peaceful?

Caller: You know, contented. I was driving and all of a sudden this huge McDonald’s sign just popped up. It was so bright. I felt like my energy was disrupted; I started to feel violated. How can we protect ourselves from things like that? That sign was so violating.

Feder: I am so glad you called, because that’s exactly what I’m trying to express. Tell me, how to you deal with the fact that it’s in your face and in your ears, almost inside your brain every second?

Jacobson: Well Dalia, that’s a great question, whether it’s a McDonald’s sign or some other sign. It’s not easy to answer but I’m going to try to put it in somewhat of a mystical context. If a soul, before it came down to this earth, when G-d sent a soul into life on earth, it could have been much easier for every one of our souls to just live in a world where there were no McDonald’s and there were no billboards, and none of these huge corporations, and then we wouldn’t have this conversation altogether, because the habitat would be one that was completely like a womb, a womb-like environment.

We have to see (in your case the McDonald’s sign) as symbolic of the challenges of life in general. The Bible puts it this way: that when the Scouts went into Israel and saw what was going on they said, “It’s a land that consumes its inhabitants.” Because Dalia, if it wasn’t a McDonald’s sign, it would be something else that violates us.

We live in a materialistic world that is constantly bombarding us with images and self-interest, trying to sell us things. You noticed the McDonald’s sign, but maybe you don’t notice those subtle colors and subliminal messages in a department store, or in a supermarket, that cause you to buy different brands, as they are able to affect us that way.

So we’re constantly bombarded, and I agree that it’s a violation, but I think that at the same time we have the power to not just withstand it, but to thrive. You know, there’s an analogy given for this: When water is rushing down the river and you build a dam that in a sense is resistance, the water just builds more pressure. So your sense of violation and your outrage, and mine as well, should be translated not into negative energy by sending sharp letters to our senators or congressmen, but it should be translated into ways to reinforce that serenity that you were experiencing. Not that you won’t notice the McDonald’s sign next time, but you’ll see it almost as being a catalyst for us to wake up, like a wake-up call and seeing it as the challenge ultimately for our lives.

For instance, when your body beckons that you’re hungry, but you at that point want to meditate or you want some spiritual serenity, you can say that’s also a violation. Not in the same way, obviously—a McDonald’s sign is the choice of a corporation—but it’s a violation because our material body suddenly reminds us that you can’t just be a soul, you can’t just be spiritual, you can’t just be spending time with your family all day because you have to go to work to earn a living, you have to go out into the world and face material challenges.

So life’s challenges can be seen as violations or they can be seen as catalysts or challenges for us to rise to the occasion, and they just reinforce us and make us stronger spiritual people. That’s how I see it.

Feder: Okay, thanks for your call. And stare straight ahead going down the BQE—you don’t have to look at that sign! We have individual rights.

Okay, next week our guest will be Stephen Dubner who is the editor of Toward a Meaningful Life, the book upon which this program is based. Stephen has written his own book called Turbulent Souls. The topic will be, “Can Children Survive Parents Who Claim to Know the Absolute Truth?”

We have David on the line.

Caller: I enjoy your show very much and I just wanted to respond to Dalia who called before. I think we have to be careful to realize that the reactions that people have to these signs or symbols can vary from one individual to another. For example, she was offended by the sign, but it’s possible that somebody else who may have been driving all night and is hungry sees that sign and is thrilled by it! So I think that at the same time we are trying to criticize these large corporations for being impersonal, we also have to realize that our own feelings may not be universal for everybody else.

Feder: Excellent point, David.

Jacobson: A very excellent point. And I think in all fairness, to myself and to you Mike and to the callers, we’re definitely not preaching any type of excessive extremes that we should destroy all corporations; destroy all companies. Because in the big picture, the fact is that the standard of living is a higher one, this country is experiencing a period of prosperity, there are comforts that we have that you and I, Mike, continuously benefit from. So I don’t think that we’re talking about extremes, we’re talking about the elusive balance of individuality in the face of mass production. There aren’t too many people who are going to consider the Industrial Revolution a curse. The curse develops if it becomes excessive, if it depersonalizes us. But as I stated earlier, before the Industrial Revolution, before there was mass production, it was easier to hold onto your individuality, because your home was more significant, your community…

Feder: Well, there was more space, more privacy…

Jacobson: But at the same time, the Industrial Revolution, like anything in science and technology (as I write in my book Toward a Meaningful Life) is essentially neutral like a kitchen knife. Is a kitchen knife healthy or destructive? It depends what you use it for. It’s the same with atomic energy; it’s the same with computers. The same with any type of tool.

It’s unbelievable today how medical breakthroughs can save lives. Yet there’s always that fear of genetic manipulation, of going too far, starting to play G-d. So our show is dedicated to trying to make us aware of the challenges and in addition to try to find the balance. So David’s point is really well taken, and Dalia’s point as well.

We live in a world where there is a duality, a tension between matter and spirit, and that battle is pronounced when there is a merger like AOL Time Warner, because we suddenly see how powerful that’s becoming. So what we have to figure out is how to counter that with an equally powerful spiritual response.

Feder: On an individual or a collective level?

Jacobson: Individual, because collectively we don’t trust any one group to suddenly define how to discover your soul, or else it will become another corporation.

Feder: But with all due respect to the historical antecedents of America, Ben Franklin said if we all don’t hang together, we’ll all hang separately. So in fact it’s all very nice to be individually concerned and to look inside ourselves, but if we don’t join together with that message to them, then maybe nothing will come of it either.

Jacobson: Correct. And I think that the challenge really is on an individual basis, ultimately. It’s very hard to speak to groups about this. You can speak to groups but you want to speak to individuals and say, “Look, take control of your life. Take control of your soul; take control of your heart. What enters it is up to you. You don’t have to be a victim just because the television is producing all kinds of programming, it doesn’t mean you have to sit and watch it all day.”

I’m not defending inferior type of programming, don’t get me wrong. It’s not like the same statement that you hear, where the people who are producing this kind of low common denominator programming say, “It’s your choice to shut it off.” They’re feeding into that part of human beings. That’s not what I’m saying.

I’m speaking to individuals, as individuals, that you have to take control. Remember, your life begins with your soul. And your body and what it listens to and what it reads and what it watches…

Feder: What it eats…

Jacobson: What it eats, what it consumes… The saying goes, “You are what you eat.” You also assume what you consume. We can coin that here!

Feder: Well, I think that was a pretty good running jump at the problem. You can’t solve these huge issues obviously in a brief span of time, but it was a good discussion.

Jacobson: Oh, I thought we were going to solve it here once and for all and retire.

Feder: One big merger and that would be the end of everything, right? Okay, so you have been listening to Toward a Meaningful Life with Simon Jacobson. This is Mike Feder. Let me just reidentify who we are. This is WEVD 1050AM in New York. We’re on the air every Sunday evening from 6-7pm. You can reach the Meaningful Life Center with your questions and comments at 1-800-3MEANING or write to the Meaningful Life Center at 788 Eastern Parkway, Suite 303, Brooklyn, NY 11213.

We want to say a word about our underwriter. People contribute to this program. This is a non-commercial endeavor. You, the listener, are our sponsors here. Today’s program was underwritten by Ivan Stux and we thank him very, very much.

As I said before, we often get many requests from people asking how they can donate to the Meaningful Life Center, which is the organization that brings you all this, the radio show and the web site among other things. The Meaningful Life Center is a non-profit organization dedicated to bringing a sense of peace, light, inspiration and meaning into the world. All its activities are made possible by donations of listeners just like you who receive the center’s publications and tapes and who listen to this program and visit the website.

When you contribute to the Meaningful Life Center, you become a partner in the work that we’re doing here, so we ask you to please consider funding these radio programs, sending us money. It’s a great opportunity for honoring someone you love perhaps, or bringing meaningful inspiration to thousands of people that we’re trying to reach.

You can dedicate a program to the memory of a loved one, someone’s birthday for instance, wedding, or any kind of occasion. But the spiritual value is there. That’s what you’re investing in. And believe me, we really do need your help. A donation of any sort, a dollar, or we’ll take $100,000 would be greatly appreciated.

Please call us at 1-800-3MEANING (1-800-363-2646). When you pledge, make sure you ask to receive our newsletter, Meanings.

One more bit of information. The Rabbi has a class which he’s had for many years now where he expounds on many types of spiritual subjects from a spiritual point of view. It’s on Wednesday nights at 8pm at 346 West 89^th St. in Manhattan (corner Riverside Drive).

We’ve said about everything there is to say, but maybe you have one more comment to make. We’re struggling around in this big, mass-conglomerated world. What do we do as individuals tonight, this evening, when we turn off the radio?

Jacobson: Well it’s interesting. We use radio. I don’t know if theis radio station is owned in some way by Time Warner.

Feder: Could be.

Jacobson: That would be interesting. I think it goes back to basics, which sounds so simple, but at the same time so difficult, so elusive, which is maybe to try tonight to shut your eyes and ears, taste, touch and smell, before you go to sleep (don’t read a newspaper, turn off the TV) and focus in on the soul that you have. Put yourself to sleep knowing that you can begin ushering in this new age, instead of a materialistic age, a spiritual age in your own personal life. It all begins with a microcosm. You know, Mike, if one person can do it, ten people can. If ten people can do it, a thousand people can. And if you get small groups… I think you have to look at yourself and ask “How can I recapture my soul? What can I do to feed and nourish my soul?” And the basic elements are essentially three pillars that the Torah always teaches us will nurture our soul. Number one is through knowledge, through study. Dedicate a time to study, focus in on understanding what a soul is, what your purpose is, meaningful study. The second thing is prayer, which is more of an emotional type of meditation. And finally good deeds, implementing and concretizing it in actual good deeds of kindness to strangers or to people you know.

Some of us are very good to strangers and terrible to our own close ones. Some of us are the other way around. Go against the grain of your habits and just extend yourself.

Those things nourish your soul. Believe it or not, these simple things actually feed your soul; they’re not just the right thing to do. And they make your soul stronger and build your immune system to handle the McDonald’s signs and AOL Time Warner mergers, and so on.

I just want to say on a personal note, I’m always very excited to do a show with you, Mike, particularly a topic like this which touches on a contemporary issue, and I look forward to doing many more shows with you. I’m also particularly excited about next week’s show with Stephen Dubner. I have a personal relationship with him and we’ll be talking a little about his background. He was born to two Jewish parents who converted to Catholicism before he was born and he has returned to his Judaism. I hope everyone tunes in.

Feder: Okay. Thank you very much.

Tags: freedom, radio transcript
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Thinking & Stinking at the Harvard Business Review

April 11th, 2014

The Harvard Business Review has been called “a leading source in business thinking” and “the most influential magazine in America.” In its media kit it describes itself as “the source of the best new ideas for the people who are creating, leading and transforming business.” If the feature article, ”Five Killer Strategies for Trouncing the Competition” by George Stalk Jr. and Rob Lachenauer in the April 2004 issue, is charting the direction for corporate America, it may be stinking more than thinking. The “killer strategies” champion every conceivable down and dirty technique for destroying competitors.

Yes, we know it’s a rough and tumble not for wimps fiercely competitive world marketplace out there. But does that rule out fairness, sharing, negotiation, “live and let live,” or other civilized measures that transcend fanatical worship at the temple of the holy buck.

Most disturbing about this article is the unrestrained endorsement of brutal combat with no hint of compassion or sensitivity to the needs and aspirations of others—or even their right to exist.

It relishes the aggressive language of football and the military posturing of attack, and even deception.

Not surprising, therefore, that the article applauds an employee motivational campaign they say was used by Southwest Airlines called “commencement of hostilities.” In cities where Southwest Airlines faced their toughest competition “employees came to work wearing camouflage outfits and battle helmets.” While this campaign was apparently initiated prior to 9/11, is it a scenario we should now be cheering in this time of terrorism when we are trying to beef up security, especially at airports?

The only “restraint” evidenced is the sprinkling of warnings that some of the recommended strategies may skirt the edges of legality: “The hardball player ventures closer to the boundary, whether it be established by law or social conventions, than the competitors would ever dare.” But even here one suspects they are winking rather than blinking. Winning is not enough. You should “devastate rivals’ profit sanctuaries.” Must success be built on the annihilation and ruins of others?

What about this doozy: “Plagiarize with pride.” Don’t people get fired for that and ruin their careers? To avoid the eleventh commandment –don’t get caught– they shrewdly advise to only steal ideas that aren’t “nailed down by a robust patent” (winking or blinking?).

If all of these recommendations aren’t grimy enough, here’s the most troublesome one: “Deceive the competition.”

The model for this dark strategy is the sports “fake” like the fake hand off in football. The quarterback fakes a handoff to a running back. If successful the entire defense goes for the runner who doesn’t have the ball (the goods) leaving the quarterback with wide open options for running or passing without the nuisance of defenders. Applied to business, you announce services or products that you don’t have to throw off your competition thus forcing them to divert resources to engage the phantoms. To insure that the “hardball state of mind” works you need the final coup de grace of unleashing “massive and overwhelming force.” Only then will you “have what it takes to play hardball.” The forthright message with no regrets and a take no prisoners philosophy is: Grab the buck by whatever means and don’t look back, sideways, who you are steamrolling over in you forward thrust—and certainly don’t look in any mirrors. The more carnage the better, especially if it fattens the coffers.

In fairness, there are many sound suggestions for improving a business, developing focus, cutting costs, making bold and swift adjustments to adapt to changing conditions, and vigilantly rising to the challenges of a highly competitive global economy. Industry benchmark reports undeniably drive those swift adjustments; tracking a rival’s lucrative online casino bonus or auditing an opponent’s supply chain logistics allows leadership to effectively pivot their own strategy. Too bad much of that is lost in the vicious overarching militarism of the model. Where is concern for how this model of destructive killer force will be perceived in the global marketplace of a shrinking list of friends of America with widespread suspicion about our motives, tactics and agendas. And what ever happened to our principles of equality, and justice for all? I think a bit more attention should be focused on the “all.”

If the views on business tactics were limited to the authors of the article we could just groan, shrug our shoulders and walk away. But read the editor’s introduction to the April issue of the Harvard Business Review and you will find Thomas Stewart singing praises for “Hard Ball” endorsing “employing massive and overwhelming force until your adversary cedes the field to you.” He then proudly boasts that the entire April issue is “a kick-ass issue of HBR.” Is this the image of American business that we should gleefully advertise and export to the world?

HARVARD: Is this what you call leading the way?

…………………………………………………

Bernard Starr, Ph.D. is a psychologist, journalist and college professor. He has written commentary and op-ed articles for the Scripps Howard News Service that have appeared in newspapers throughout the United States, and he hosted a commentary, “The Longevity Report,” on WEVD-AM radio for seven years. He currently teaches psychology at Marymount Manhattan College where he is also Co-Executive Director of The Center for Learning and Living.
E-mail: LWThink@aol.com.

Tags: business, corruption
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