Protect Our Children

August 9th, 2017

Tags: children, abuse, abused children
Posted in Weekly Parsha, Eikev, Abuse, Personal Life, Devarim, Social, Torah, Pain & Suffering | 9 Comments »

Going from Survival Mode to Living Consciously

August 8th, 2017

Topic: Intuition

“Who you are should define what you do, not what you do should define who you are.” — Rabbi Simon Jacobson

Are you stuck in survival mode? Following your existing — and monotonous — patterns and routines? Do you define yourself by the work you do? By your accomplishments? By your day-to-day experiences? When asked who you are, do you show people your business card? Have you recently given some thought as to who you are beneath the surface of your daily regimens?

Surviving in the material world in which we live places many demands on us. But we should not allow ourselves to get hijacked by these forces. Without effort it’s easy to succumb to the inertia of our status-quo, and wake up every morning seeing only the daily grind ahead of us. We must make a concerted effort to focus each morning and live consciously, not by rote. “Living consciously” is living with the real you.

Try this out: Take a moment and shut off your senses — close your eyes, ears, taste, touch and smell. Free yourself from stimulation of what is going on outside of yourself? What would you be left with? Your true inner self. The self that is not affected by your work and activities. The self that is not defined by your surroundings and others demands and expectations.

Know your identity, then figure out your life. Who you are should define your life, rather than letting your life define your identity. Don’t wait for a crisis to figure out your priorities. Give yourself regular breaks to create spiritual space and peace. The trick to living consciously is to have an oasis in time to focus on your inner life, so that you can go back to your outer life with recharged batteries.

Exercise: As soon as you awake in the morning think about who you really are, as opposed to what you do. Take a break sometime during today and do the same. Journal about it in MyMLC.

Go deeper into this subject: Do You Live to Work or Work to Live? | Does Your Job Define Your Identity? | Anything Beyond Survival Is Spiritual | How to Step Off the Hamster Wheel |

Tags: Soul Gym: Intuition
Posted in Your Mission, Your Purpose, Soul Gym | 1 Comment »

Comfort My People

August 3rd, 2017

Many tears indeed can be shed for our children whose lives are prematurely “hijacked” by the demons of abuse and drugs… bright futures suddenly aborted, robbed of their possibilities, their psyches injured. It’s one thing when an elder person, who has endured losses and pain, gets jaded. But, when children – innocent young men and women – fall hostage to despair, there are few sadder sights.

It’s not supposed to work that way. As life wears on there will be plenty of anguish and loss. But our children? Let them have their hopes and dreams. Let them be driven with enthusiasm and passion to change the world.

Medicine today has vanquished many of the plagues of old. But today we are living through a new plague: Our youth falling prey to predators and substances that take over their lives.

To ignore or deny this sad reality is in many ways worse than the crime itself. As survivors will tell you: “The silence was worse than the rape.”

We thus have the Nine Days, culminating with Tisha b’Av, to acknowledge and honor the assault and devastation wreaked on our human dignity (malchus). As uncomfortable as addressing the problem may be, not addressing it is worse.

Accordingly, last week’s Haftorah doesn’t mince words as it describes in no uncertain terms the damage humans can inflict on themselves and their children. The “vision of Isaiah” is brutal:

“Hear, O heavens, and listen, O earth, for G-d has spoken: I nurtured and brought up children, but they rebelled against Me.”

“The ox knows his owner, and the ass its master’s crib; but Israel does not know; My people do not understand. Ah sinful nation, a people laden with iniquity, offspring of evildoers, children who deal corruptly… they are utterly estranged… The entire head is sick, and the entire heart faint. From head to foot there is nothing sound in it, only wounds, bruises and putrefying sores; they have not been pressed out, or bound up, or softened with oil.

“Your country is desolate; your cities burned with fire. Strangers plunder your land in your very presence; it is desolate, as if overthrown by floods. And Zion’s daughter is left like a hut in a vineyard, like a shack in a cucumber field, like a besieged city.”

Even the “committed” worshippers of G-d are mechanical and repulsive, masking the corruption within:

“Stop bringing meaningless offerings; they are offerings of abomination to Me. New Moon, Sabbath, and the Festivals – I cannot bear iniquity along with solemn assembly. When you spread out your hands, I will hide My eyes from you. Yes, even though you multiply your prayers, I will not hear; your hands are full of blood. Wash yourselves, make yourselves clean. Remove the evil of your doings from before My eyes; stop doing evil. Learn to do good: seek justice, relieve the oppressed, defend the fatherless, plead for the widow.

“How the faithful city has become a prostitute! She was full of justice, righteousness lodged in her, but now murderers. Your princes are rebellious, and companions of thieves. Every one loves bribes, and chases after rewards. They do not defend the fatherless, nor do they take on the widow’s cause.”

Apply these words to our times and you have a description of a society that is allowing its children to fall prey to the forces of corruption. Jerusalem – the “faithful city” – is a symbol of each one of us, it is the “malchus” (Kiryat melech rav) within the psyche.  The destruction of Jerusalem represents the violation of our own dignity. Each verse, when dissected, depicts different psychological symptoms of abuse.  These can be usesd to help us diagnose the problem (so that we can then apply the appropriate interventions).

But, thankfully, the story does not end here. After Tisha B’av, the Hebrew calendar moves forward like a spinning wheel, and in its powerful way, teaches us to align our lives to the cycle of healing from our previous wounds.

This Shabbos, following Tisha b’Av, is called Shabbas Nachamu, when we are comforted: “Comfort, comfort my people” – begins the Haftorah. Now we arrive at the point where we can repair and transform our fractured psyches.

And just as each verse in last week’s Haftorah (Chazon) helps us diagnose the problem, the verses in this week’s Haftorah reveal the methods to heal.

“Comfort my people, comfort them.”

When you see someone hurting be gentle, be sensitive – extend kindness. This is not a time for judgment or even analysis. Just be there for your friend.

“Speak to the heart of Jerusalem:” Not to the mind, but to the heart, the pure heart within the person in pain. Words from the heart enter the heart. Words from the mind enter one ear and exit out the other. In times of emotional anguish only speaking from and to the heart can work.

“Proclaim to her that her warfare is over:” Tell her soul that she no longer has to fight. If she just wishes it, she can begin to let her guard down.

“Her iniquity is pardoned:” You are forgiven.

Stop blaming yourself. One of the tragic symptoms of childhood hurt and abuse is the tendency to blame yourself. Children of divorced parents, of feuding adults, blame themselves for the problems. Some say that this is because a child cannot tolerate the possibility that his/her parents – who are everything to the child – can be at fault. Left with no one else to blame, the child erroneously sees himself as the culprit. And this self-loathing and sense of inadequacy further erodes the child’s confidence. “You are pardoned” – we must tell the person. It’s not your fault. Don’t allow yourself to be invalidated. You have all the strength necessary to pick up the pieces and rebuild your life.

“For she has received from G-d’s hands double for all her sins:” Every fall we receive a double amount of strength to overcome the challenge.

“Listen, a voice calls in the wilderness: Prepare the way for G-d. Make straight in the desert a path for G-d:” Even in the throes of despair, lost deep in the wilderness, we all have a voice that calls out from time to time, and perhaps more often than that if you allow it to speak and allow yourself to listen. In our darkest moments we can pave a way toward redemption. Because embedded within the shadows lays enormous potency.

“Every valley will be lifted up, and every mountain and hill made low; the crooked will become level and rough places a plain:” Life is a cycle. Like a spinning wheel, even the dips in life are only a step away from the wheel’s ascent. And vice versa.

“And G-d’s glory will be revealed and all flesh will see it together; for G-d’s mouth has spoken:” Even – or perhaps only – our flesh, our hedonistic experiences of pleasure, even the most depraved, can lead us to see the deepest dimensions of the Divine Essence. As Chassidic teachings explain: The material, created “yesh” (the ego of the flesh) originates in the true “yesh” (the Essence of the Divine). One who has been self-indulgent and has been consumed by addiction and other material obsessions can channel and transform these passions into powerful forces of good.

“Listen! One says: ‘Shout!’ And he says: ‘What shall I shout?’ ‘Shout that mankind is grass, and all its beauty is like the flower of the field; The grass withers, the flower fades beneath G-d’s breath; surely the people are like grass. The grass withers, the flower fades; but G-d’s word will stand forever.’” Shout – yes, shout. Yell out from your very guts that it is not only hurt souls but all of us wither and fade. Only by connecting to the Higher Reality do we mortals gain access to the immortal.

“Like a shepherd He will feed his flock. He will gather the lambs in His arms, carry them in His bosom, gently leading those with young:” When you are vulnerable and allow yourself to be lifted, your Divine soul will carry you through the darkest times. The one set of footprints in the sand are those of G-d carrying you when you had no strength of your own to survive.

“Do you not know? Do you not hear? Have you not been told from the beginning? Haven’t you understood from the foundations of the earth?” – People living in their comfort zones can often not see the inner truths. They are trapped on the surface level of existence. When you have nothing, you have nothing to lose and only to gain. Suffering and upheaval reveals cracks in the veneer, allowing us a peek inside, into the foundations of existence. When all is dark – a new light can shine through. But we need to avoid being trapped in our despair. We need to attune our perception and cup our ears – and listen to the voice that goes back to the beginning of it all.

“Lift up your eyes on High, and see. Who created these? He who brings out their host by number, calling them all by name through the greatness of His might, and the force of His power:” Those surrounded by material success, who see the functioning world around them, can be seduced and blinded by their own vision; they see nothing but themselves and their self-interests.  When everything around you is shrouded and you have nowhere to turn, except to your own self-destructive patterns, you have the unique opportunity – not being deluded by the follies of existence – to lift up your eyes on High and see the force that has put all in place.

And the Haftorah concludes:

“Not one is missing:” Your very survival, despite all that you have endured, is a testimony that someone is watching over you. Your only enemy is your own self-perception: If you feel you are lost, you will remain lost. If you feel that you are missing; not just to others, but to yourself: that you don’t recognize yourself – your own self-defeating attitude will not allow you to be found.

“Not one is missing:” If nothing else, just do not give up on yourself.

Life is tough. For some, it is tougher than for others. Many battles have been waged; many scars endured. And there are more battles to come.

But today, rest your head on my shoulder.

Be comforted all you –  all of our tortured souls. Be comforted.

Tags: Tisha B'Av, recovery, child abuse, drugs, abused children, the seven weeks of comfort
Posted in Weekly Parsha, Tisha B'Av, Ve'etchanan, Abuse, Personal Life, Devarim, Social, Sexuality, Torah, Pain & Suffering | 1 Comment »

The Laugh

July 27th, 2017

Can You Swim?

Rabban Gamliel, Rabbi Elazar ben Azaryah, Rabbi Yehoshua and Rabbi Akiva were walking in the vicinity of Rome. From far away, they heard the sounds of a thriving metropolis, and three of them began to cry, but Rabbi Akiva laughed.

They said to him, “Why are you laughing?” {Rabbi Akiva responded:]“And you, why are you crying?” “These barbarians, who bow to idols and burn incense for false gods, are living in peace and security, while we, the footstool of whose G-d is burnt with fire – should we not cry?” He said to them, “That is exactly why I am laughing. If people who violate the will of G-d have it so good, how much better will those who act according to His Will, have it?”

Another time, the same scholars were walking towards Jerusalem. When they reached Mt. Scopus (from which it is possible to see the Temple Mount), they tore their clothing. When they arrived at the Temple Mount, they saw a fox running out of the area where the Holy of Holies had been. They began to cry, while Rabbi Akiva laughed.

They said to him, “Why are you laughing?” He responded, “Why are you crying?”

“If from the place about which it is written, ‘And the stranger who enters there, shall die,’ we see a fox coming out, should we not cry?”

“For that very reason, I am laughing. Isaiah the Prophet said, ‘I will bring two reliable witnesses regarding my People, Uriah the Priest and Zecharia ben Yevarech’yahu. ‘(Isaiah 8:2) Now what do Uriah and Zecharia have to do with each other? Uriah prophesied in the time of the First Temple, and Zecharya in the time of the Second Temple! But the verse in Isaiah makes Zecharia’s prophecy dependent on Uriah’s.

“In Uriah’s case, it is written, ‘Therefore, because of you, Zion will be plowed under like a field.’ (Michah/Uriah 3:12) In the case of Zecharia, we find, ‘Yet again, elderly men and elderly women will sit in the streets of Jeruselam (and each will have a staff in his or her hand from great age. And the streets of the city will be full of children, playing in her streets) (Zecharia 8:4-5) Until I saw the fulfillment of Uriah’s prophecy, I had some doubt as to whether Zecharia’s prophecy would come true. Now that I have seen Uriah’s prophecy fulfilled in full detail, I know that Zecharya’s prophecy will also be fulfilled.”

Hearing that, Rabbi Akiva’s colleagues said to him, “Akiva, you have comforted us. Akiva, you have comforted us.” (End of the tractate Makot)

This time of year is the saddest one in the Hebrew calendar. During these “Nine Days,” the period from the first day of Av until the 9^th of Av (Tisha b’Av), we mourn the destruction of the two holy Temples: the first Temple destroyed by the Babylonians 2426 years ago, the second one by the Romans 1936 years ago.

Why would we still be grieving over a structure destroyed thousands of years ago?

For two reasons:

1/ The Temple was not a mere piece of real estate. It was a window between heaven and earth. The Temple bridged spirit and matter. Thus its destruction was not just an isolated historical event, but one whose effects are still reverberating today. As long as tension remains between the physical and the spiritual, we are experiencing the loss of the Temple. Which is why our sages tell us that:

“A generation that does not rebuild the temple is considered as if it destroyed it.”

2/ Time is not linear but spiral. Events that happen in a particular time of year are related to the energy flow of that respective time. And that energy flow repeats itself each year as the cycle returns to that point in time.

The negative energy that manifested when the Temple was first destroyed repeats itself each year during this period in time.

In other words: Historical events are merely outer manifestations of invisible forces that are always at work behind the scenes.

Our grief for the destruction of the Temple includes all areas in life that cause us anguish.

Therein lays a profound lesson in life, and a universal lesson at that.

The Hebrew calendar reflects the true rhythm of life. Life is not a comprised of particles but of waves. Like the waves of the sea, life consists of cycles, with troughs and crests, some of which may be extreme.

A good swimmer recognizes the dynamic nature of water, and adjusts accordingly. In contrast to a static plateau, which one can navigate without fluctuation, the waves of water require constant vigilance to negotiate the cycles. When a strong wave hits, a proficient swimmer will not resist or fight the wave, but “go with the flow” and allow the cresting wave to carry him. Any attempt to ignore or fight the wave will quickly deplete the swimmer’s energy, with the risk of drowning the swimmer. In the case of a severe stormy sea, the need to surrender to the flow of the waves is only amplified.

On the other hand, when the waves are relatively calm, the swimmer uses their energy as a catalyst for forward thrust.

Interestingly, when negotiated properly, both stages, whether it be stormy waves or calm ones, are forms of energy that are all part of the swimming cycle. Indeed, a powerful wave that cannot be fought can be tapped in a powerful way, as long as you ride it and don’t try to resist.

Now back to the wave-cycle of time. Time too consists of crests and troughs. The Hebrew calendar is a sort of travel guide through time that helps us align ourselves to the inner rhythms of life’s cycles.

As the Talmud declares:

“Just as when Av arrives decrease joy, so too when Adar arrives increase joy.”

Strange statement: Why equate the two periods in time? Even if the Talmud wanted to make both statements, it could have simply said: “When Av arrives decrease in joy; when Adar arrives increase in joy”?!

The Talmud is telling us that time is a cycle. Av and Adar are not just two unrelated, diametrically opposed, periods in time: One filled with sorrow, the other with joy. They are like the trough and crest of one wave: Just as Av brings on a decrease in joy, so too Adar brings on an increase in joy.

And therein lies the secret behind Rabbi Akiva’s laugh. It goes without saying that Rabbi Akiva also fasted and grieved on Tisha B’av, and probably shed a tear or two. The Temple’s destruction was no less a tragedy for him than it was for his colleagues. Yet, Rabbi Akiva recognized the bigger picture: Within the tragedy he was able to see the end of the story. Within the death he was able to see the birthing of a better future.

When he heard that the Jews continue to mourn the destruction of the Temple for close to two millennia, Napoleon purportedly said:

“Because they continue to cry for the Temple, they will ultimately get it back.”

Crying over the loss of the Temple is like riding the difficult waves. By not ignoring and not fighting them, the tears become part of the swim, part of the journey, that swim ultimately leads us to our destination. If you forget and get desensitized to the sadness of life, then you become desensitized to the joy as well. In other words: If you don’t cry when it’s time to cry, you won’t be able to rejoice when it’s time to celebrate. If you cry when the situation calls for it, you will see it through and rejoice when the time comes (“Just as when Av arrives decrease joy, so too when Adar arrives increase joy”). When you navigate the troughs you have the power to ride the crests.

This also explains how the Munkatcher Rav (Minchas Elozor) interprets the Talmud: “When Av arrives decrease – the negative energy of Av through – joy.” How can he turn around the literal meaning of the statement, which specifically directs us to decrease joy? In Jewish thought, based on faith in G-d, even a decrease in joy is not an end in itself, but part of a larger picture. In that context, even the decrease in joy in the month of Av is only a decrease on an ostensible level; within the sadness lays a deep joy – the joy of the light at the end of the tunnel, that our mourning today is a yearning that will lead us to the rebuilding of the Temple. How do we reveal that joy? By acting joyously (in ways that are halachakly/legally permitted) during the month of Av.

There are two ways to celebrate joy. One is through revealed joy, like the overt celebration of Adar; the other is through the joy that lies within the challenges of life as well. Both are part of one story – both part of one journey, the journey of our life’s waves.

There was once a Chassid who was unjustly imprisoned by the Czar’s regime, a common event in those days. His Rebbe was allowed to visit him once. When the Rebbe came to see him he noticed that the Chassid was despondent. “Why are you feeling so down?” the Rebbe asked him. Didn’t we learn that one must always serve G-d with joy, and even negative experiences are also for the good?” The Chassid replied: “I am not saddened by the fact that I am in prison, but because it’s now two weeks that I have been unable to recite a blessing in this prison.” In his cell there was a pail used for lavatory purposes that did not allow one to recite a blessing.

The Rebbe smiled and told him: “But isn’t it true that the same G-d who commanded us to recite a blessing, also commanded us not to recite on under such conditions. So, even as you don’t recite a blessing you are equally performing a mitzvah, which should be done with joy!”

Upon hearing the Rebbe’s words, the Chassid jumped up and began to dance. His exuberance was contagious and the other prisoners, Jews and non-Jews, joined him in celebration. One of the rabid anti-Semitic guards inquired as to the reason for the joy. One of the prisoners told him, “That Jew over there is the one that began the dancing. I don’t know the exact catalyst, but I know it has some connection to the pail in his cell.” When the guard heard that, he immediately entered the cell of the Chassid, and said, “I’ll show you. I am getting rid of the pail in your cell!”…

The Baal Shem Tov uses an analogy of a spiral staircase. In Yiddish a spiral staircase is called “shvindel trep,” literally: Swindling steps. Why? Because when you climb a regular vertical staircase, you see the destination and you see yourself getting closer to it as you climb the stairs. A spiral staircase “swindles” you, because as you get closer to the destination you have to turn completely around, in a 360 degree turn, to the point when cannot see the apex. Indeed, just before you reach the top, you must turn completely around for the last time. When you’re still far from the destination you may be able to see it, but just before reaching your destination you have your back to it.

The challenge is to know how to see it through.

Rabbi Akiva, a man who paid many prices, a man who discovered his soul at age forty, was able to see the big picture. He was never swindled by the apparent dips and downs in life. Therefore he was able to laugh when others cried.

And his vision helps us all see better. It comforts us and helps us smile.

Ironic isn’t it that good times can allow us to be trapped in the small picture. Sadder moments leave us no choice but to recognize the bigger picture.

But after all is said and done, we have been promised that the worst is over and the best is yet to come. We have had more than our share of troughs, and are ready for the ultimate crest.

Are we ready?

Tags: Rabbi Akiva, Beis Hamikdash, Tisha B'Av, Holy Temple, Three Weeks, Ball Shem Tov, time
Posted in Weekly Parsha, Tisha B'Av, Devarim, Months & Holidays, Social, Devarim, Torah, Av | 2 Comments »

An Exercise to Find Out Who You Are

July 26th, 2017

You are not your job. You are also not your Instagram account, your Facebook account, or the number of followers you have on Twitter. You are not your car, nor your house. You are not your muscles or your fat. You are not your acne nor your perfect skin. You are not your children, nor your friends, nor people you impress at cocktail parties and/or at dive bars. Glad we got that out of the way!

We’ve established what you are not, so let’s dive into who you are — what your purpose in life is. Complete the following exercise either on paper or online in your MyMLC Journal (a free service we offer to help you keep track of your Soul Workout exercises). Answer each question as honestly as you can. Don’t think about what the answer should be. Instead, answer from your heart. Write the answer that intuitively emerges from the still, small voice inside you. You might read What It Means to Be Honest With Yourself — another Soul Workout post — before you start. It will also help to read The Journey Begins by Rabbi Simon Jacobson, which explains the process of discovering your personal mission, based on thousands of years of mystical teachings.

For some of you, the first answer that comes to mind will be the answer from your soul. For others, the questions might require thought, journaling, or meditation. Do what works best for you.

Question One: In three words, describe your personality.

Question Two: List five of your most dominant interests.

Question Three: Describe your character, including your virtues, vices, strengths, and weaknesses.

Question Four: List the past four opportunities that opened doors for you. Who faciliated those opportunities?

Question Five: In the coming year, what opportunities would you like to have open to you?

Question Six: Who are the people who you most often deal with? List the greatest joy(s) and the greatest challenge(s) in dealing with them.

Question Seven: If you have a mentor, describe what you admire about your mentor. If you do not yet have a mentor, describe what qualities you’d like your mentor to have — qualities which you would like to emulate.

Question Eight: List the places where you have lived. What possibilities did each place offer you?

Question Nine: List the places where you have traveled to. You can list just the ones that had a clear effect on you, or all of them. In each place, what changed in you as a result of your visit? What did visiting each place teach you?

The next step is to review your answers with a trusted friend or mentor. What conclusions about your life’s mission can you draw? Where have you been in life, and where do you want to go in life? Your answers to the nine questions above should give you a picture of what you can contribute to the world — what you can contribute to your community, to your friends and family, to your work. Look out for the unique life experiences that have shaped you, as well as what future experiences you would like to have. Your purpose in life will emerge from reviewing your answers.

Go deeper into this subject: The Journey Begins, All Articles About Your Mission, Your Purpose,  How to Figure Out Who You Are

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Tags: Soul Gym: Who You Are When No One Is Looking, Soul Gym: How to Figure Out Who You Are
Posted in Your Mission, Your Purpose, Soul Gym | 20 Comments »

The Journey Begins

July 26th, 2017

Just as a business cannot function without a mission statement, which defines the objectives and goals of the business, each person must have a personal mission statement. As we begin the new year, following the holiday season, here is a practical guide how to discover your mission in this world.

How to Find Your Personal Mission Statement

As we leave the rich holiday season and reenter our daily routines, now is the time to chart a course for the new year.

Indeed the holidays are a spiritual oasis. They nourish and nurture our psyches and empower us with the ability to take on our lives with a new passion and commitment. But then we must leave the embrace of the holidays and enter into a hostile world, charged with the mission to illuminate and warm our corner of the universe, and transform it into a home for the Divine.

In this week’s Torah portion Noah is commanded to leave the ark, which protected him from the raging floodwaters. We too are commanded to leave our spiritual environment of the holiday season to rebuild the world. These powerful Noach and the spiritual journey lessons show how we must leave our comfort zone to fulfill our purpose.

Microcosm/Macrocosm

Just as the universe began completely submerged in water, we all begin our lives in water—spiritually and physically. Our lives begin and our beings are shaped in the nine months we spend in the waters of the womb. But then comes the time of birth: We must leave the comfort and protection of the watery womb and enter dry land. On land we may feel disconnected from our source (unlike life in water, which is always connected to its source). And that precisely is the challenge: To create awareness in a dry and detached world.

Life consists of two components: Means and ends. Tools and goals. Form and function. Another way of putting it is: body and soul. Now, form must always follow function; the means must be directed toward the end; the tools are to be used to achieve the goal. The body must follow the soul, not the other way around.

But if we don’t know where our soul wants to go, how then can we use our tools effectively.

But if we don’t know where our soul wants to go, how then can we use our tools effectively. That would be like a hammer trying to knock in a nail without any sense of what is being built. Is it possible that we are spending most of our time and energy on the means, without really knowing the ultimate goals of all our efforts?

This brings us to the mission of our lives. To live efficiently and find true happiness, you must know your mission. This is turn directs all your tools, resources, forms and means toward the goal and function.

I therefore would like to take this opportunity, as we leave the “ark” and enter into the quotidian, to discuss methods how to discover your personal mission statement.

This will also serve as a response to questions many of you have posed addressing this question. Here is one example of an e-mail letter I received.

Dear Rabbi J.,

I have heard you speak many times about the critical need for each of us to have a personal mission statement. How true and tragic it is that in business we fully understand the need for a mission, but in our personal lives most of us do not feel the need to define our mission.

As you accurately point out, a business will simply fail if it has no mission statement. Even with a mission, businesses always struggle to maintain their course and ensure that all their departments and employees are aligned to fulfill the company’s mission. How then can we expect to succeed in our personal lives without a clear, concise and defined mission statement?

My question to you is this: How do you find your mission statement?

Respectfully,

BR

Business is actually a great barometer by which we can measure the clarity of our personal missions.

The first thing that must be stated is this. I have asked many people to define their personal mission statements. Most people answered: “to be happy, “to make a lot of money,” “to establish security,” “to provide for a healthy family,” or on a more personal level: “to live a fulfilling life,” “to make a difference,” “to make this world a better place.”

All these answers are good, but they don’t answer the question. It would be like saying that the mission of your business is “to make a lot of money,” or to “make a difference.” Every business wants to make money and offer an indispensable product to customers. A mission statement is not a generic declaration that can fit any company or organization, but one that is unique to YOU. How do you intend on making money? What will be the exact function of your company? On the personal level: How do you intend on being happy? What exactly will make you happy? What will you do with the money you make?

The accumulation of wealth is a great distraction. It can deceive us into thinking that it in itself is a mission. Indeed, money with a few other obsessions preoccupies almost 100% of our life goals. But for all its power, it is merely a means not an end. Yet the means are so seductive, that they can lull us into thinking that there is no other mission in life.

The means are so seductive, that they can lull us into thinking that there is no other mission in life.

Nothing is farther from the truth, and nothing can be more destructive.

The first and foremost thing each of us must know is that we do have a mission in life. We were sent to earth for a purpose, and if not for that purpose and the Torah provides many examples, including Torah insights on personal transformation from the story of Noach.

We must also know that survival in this world produces an elaborate amount of tools that can distract us to the point that we may end up being too busy with the means to pursue our calling. We therefore need constant reminders to keep us awake and aware of our higher purpose.

*****

Life’s general purpose and mission is, in the words of the Midrash, to “make a home for G-d in this lowly world.” This is the generic mission of all human beings: To utilize all your resources and opportunities to refine your life environment, and transform it to channel the sublime.

In mystical terms the Baal Shem Tov puts it this way: Each of us is allocated an exclusive number of “divine sparks”—essentially, spiritual opportunities—that lay embedded in all our life events and experiences. Our job is to recognize these “sparks” (opportunities) and “release” and “free” them, thereby actualizing their true potential and purpose.

For instance, when we travel to a particular location, we may be going for personal or business reasons (as we check off our customs forms). However the true reason for our journey is to encounter places, people, experiences and/or events that carry spiritual opportunities. Our mission is to uncover and develop these opportunities.

When we eat a meal, we may be driven by hunger or just plain desire, but in truth the food contains “divine sparks” that are meant to nourish our souls and in turn, to be “released” and fulfill their true purpose. When we use the energy of our meals for productive purposes, the food then becomes a “partner” in changing this world for the better.

Every one of our desires and interests, every one of our experiences and encounters contains and is sustained by our unique “sparks,” which we are charged to release and actualize.

Therein lies the key to discovering your particular mission: Look closely at your life experiences and you will see patterns emerge that will direct you toward your mission, marking the beginning your spiritual journey toward purpose.

It would have been nice if G-d sent us to Earth with a little “notebook” stating our mission. The fact that we don’t have that luxury tells us that part of the mission is to discover the mission on our own.

Yet we are given many signs and directions how to do so. By studying our own lives, especially the “givens,” the forces that we do not control, we can, without much difficulty, recognize our calling.

Look at these four general resources in your life:

Personality

Opportunities

People

Places

All these four dynamics are driven by Divine Providence. They are not accidents. They therefore contain a myriad of invaluable information regarding your mission in life.

Personality: You have a unique personality, with specific desires and interests. Artistic, scientific, analytic, emotional are but a few descriptions that define your unique nature. Some people are cold-blooded, others warm-blooded. Some are more intuitive, others more rational. Some are more organized, other more spontaneous. There are introverts and extroverts. The list goes on.

Each of these features is shaped by your particular “divine sparks.” Even your desires and your looks, every part of your personality, temperament and disposition, is beneath the surface untapped energy waiting to be released.

Your unique character—your qualities and virtues, and for that matter, your weaknesses and vices that you discipline and channel—are all signposts telling you about your mission; that your mission is to utilize your distinctive nature to refine yourself and the world. An artist, for example, must use his skill to open up people to new ways of looking at life and G-d. A sensitive soul must utilize her empathy to give people hope.

Self-awareness, in other words, is the first step in recognizing your mission.

Opportunities: You were blessed with particular opportunities. Family and friends provide various connections, which can open up all sorts of opportunities. Education is another source of unique opportunity, as is also the resources you have earned or inherited. Different offers will come your way throughout your life. Your family’s business, a friend’s introduction, even a seemingly “random” encounter may bring you new opportunities.

Your work is another major spiritual opportunity. It can reveal much about the Divine. For example, a physician can learn and teach about the cosmos by studying human physiology created in the “Divine Image” (“from my flesh I behold G-d”). A scientist can do the same by reflecting on the parallels between science and spirit. Every line of work contains “sparks” and carries lessons about our own spirits. In addition, your work offers you ways to fulfill your mission by making your mark and helping other with the opportunities you have—through charity, volunteerism and other ways.

Every opportunity is essentially another form of “sparks” waiting to be actualized by us. These opportunities are meant to not merely be exploited for personal gain (the means), but primarily to be used for spiritual gain—to fulfill your mission.

People: The people you have met and will meet in your life—family, friends, co-workers, even so called “random” encounters with strangers—all carry “sparks” of opportunity, that can further direct you in discovering your mission.

These people have their strengths and weaknesses. The fact that they are part of your life means that your mission includes dealing with them, even if the relationship may be a challenging one. In addition, you learn lessons from these people, which teach you about your mission. Often, these people can be mentors that help you discover your calling.

Places: The places you have lived and traveled to add another dimension to your spiritual opportunities (“sparks”). Each place has its own character and offers unique possibilities.

“G-d leads the footsteps of man.” The reason you find yourself in these places is because you need them to fulfill your mission.

These four factors—your personality, opportunities, people and places (POPP or OPPP for short)—carry the mission and destiny of your life. The reason you have your unique personality and opportunities, people and places, is because their cumulative energy is essentially your mission statement.

When you apply yourself and study these four factors your mission will not take long to emerge. Your unique calling is a combination of each and all of these four factors, in a twofold way: 1/ To develop all these four areas of your life and 2/ allow them to catapult you in discovering new opportunities and ways to fulfill your higher calling.

It may take some work to review your POPP. It’s always a good idea to consult with an objective friend who can help you look at these four areas, and see how they define your mission. The more you invest in this discovery, the clearer will be your results.

Remember: Form follows function. Once you come to recognize your calling, all your tools and resources will take on a new and focused direction.

As we leave the “ark” to go fulfill our mission of rebuilding the world, may you be blessed to discover/embrace your mission and implement it in your daily routines.

It will change your life.

P.S. We have developed a series of workshops specifically geared to help you discover your mission in life. If you know why you are here in this world, everything else follows. Find out more here.

Tags: purpose of life, your mission, means vs. ends, form & function, mission, Noach, journey, body and soul
Posted in Weekly Parsha, Bereishit, Your Mission, Your Purpose, Soul & Mystical, Noah, Personal Life, Spiritual, Torah, Business, Work & Money, Emotions & Psychology | 5 Comments »

What It Means to Be Honest With Yourself

July 26th, 2017

Being honest with yourself means seeing yourself clearly, of course, but what what does that  mean? It’s genuinely challenging to come to an accurate self-perception. Our perceptions of ourselves are informed by the stories we have told ourselves about ourselves. Those stories can be wildly inaccurate, and unfortunately judgmental.

Have you ever examined your personal narrative? What stories do you tell yourself about yourself? Have you ever considered that some of those stories might not be true? Have you ever examined where the stories you tell yourself about yourself came from and continue to come from?

A few places where the stories of ourselves come from: things our parents said; things our teachers said; things our peers said; things people we dated said; things our spouses say or said; comparisons we make between who we think we are and what we think we should be; stories we have created and believed in order to protect our fragile egos (and many of these stories can be, oddly, self-hating stories). Given the intensity and number of stories that we have internalized about ourselves, how can we ever see ourselves clearly and finally be honest with ourselves?

Being honest with yourself is a daily, hourly, even by-the-minute practice. The practice is being conscious of what we’re doing, and asking ourselves why we’re doing it. At any given moment, what story are you telling yourself? Especially in moments of difficulty, being honest with yourself means separating yourself from your personal narrative. Can you step back from the running story of your life that runs through your head?

To step away from the story, we have to step into something/somewhere else. Being real — being truly honest with yourself — happens when we focus completely on something outside ourselves. When we become so immersed in something that our idea of who we are exits the premises, is when honesty with ourselves is possible.

Exercise: Recall a time when you were totally in the moment. What were you capable of? What were you like? How did you see yourself when you were free? 

Go deeper into this subject: Your Narrative: Three Ways to Tell Your Life Story

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Tags: Soul Gym: Being Honest With Yourself
Posted in Soul Gym, Personal Life, Emotions & Psychology | 1 Comment »

Three Weeks of Pain, Seven of Comfort, & Two of Return

July 20th, 2017

Religion, economy, our basic security – all our existing infrastructures are undergoing an unprecedented reality check – tremors that will surely change the universe in which we live.

As we enter the second week of the traditional Three Week mourning period, when we grieve the destruction of the Holy Temple in Jerusalem – life around us seems to be tragically reflecting this sad time period.

This three week period is one that exposes the cracks in our universe. Cracks in our systems shake us up; but a crack also exposes what lies within. We can be demoralized by the cracks or we can attempt to look between the cracks and see an emerging larger picture.

We are now directly experiencing a crack in the continuum of history, one that can catapult us into a completely new awareness and raise our consciousness to a completely new level.

To understand the deeper meaning of these weeks – and glean from them a system how to heal, grow and rebuild our lives – allow me to cite a discourse of the great Chassid Reb Hillel of Paritch (1795-1864) in which he explains the deeper significance of the “three weeks of rebuke, seven of consolation, two of return.”

The Kabbalah teaches that the Three Weeks manifest the concealment of the three intellectual faculties (Chochma, Binah, Daat). The following Seven Weeks express the revelation of the intellect of Atik Yomin (lit. ‘ancient days,’ referring to the higher dimension of Ketter, the crown – the highest Divine revelation) in the seven emotions. And the Two Weeks of Return is the elevation of Malchut achieved through the two levels of teshuvah (‘higher teshuvah’ and ‘lower teshuvah’) that elevates from Biy”a (Beriah, Yetzirah, Asiyah). This is followed by Yom Kippur, when the Second Tablets were given, the revelation of the intellect of Atik Yomin into Biy”a. Followed by  Shemini Atzeret and Simchat Torah, when the revelation of Yom Kippur is revealed in great joy.

If you had problems understanding the last paragraph, don’t be forlorn; most of us have the same difficulty. That is why we need Chassidus to explain the cryptic language of Kabbalah. Reb Hillel explains it with an analogy of a teacher and student (which is the classical and best example to explain the relationship between the Divine and the mundane).

The conventional transmission of knowledge from teacher to student is a seamless process. It does not require a special effort. However, when the teacher (out of his deep love to the student) wants to convey an entirely new concept – one that is beyond anything yet revealed – he needs to collect his thoughts, return into the deepest recesses of his mind until he is ready to being transmitting the new concept.

During the process of reflection, the teacher will suspend his transmission teacher to the student, while he gathers his thoughts. The deeper he goes into his own mind, the more he immerses into the new concept, the deeper will be his silence.

From the student’s perspective this silence can be perceived as a disconnection. He can even think that the teacher has abandoned him. In truth what is happening is that the teacher is connecting ever more with the student. His silence actually reflects a deeper bond with the student; this silence is giving birth to an unprecedented new concept that will afterwards be conveyed to the student.

Reb Hillel explains, that the Three Weeks reflect a cosmic silence that progresses from week to week. The Three Weeks begin with the 17^th of Tammuz, the day when Moses broke the Two Tablets when he saw that the people had built the Golden Calf, 40 days after he received the Tablets with the Ten Commandments at Sinai.

On the surface, the broken Tablets are a tragic events and the 17th of Tammuz is the beginning of the saddest time of the year. Yet, following that day Moses returned to Sinai to beseech G-d to forgive the people. His efforts would take 80 days, but at the end of that period Moses would prevail and return on Yom Kippur with the second set of Tablets.

The Second Tablets are in many ways far greater than the first. They revealed an entirely new ‘concept’ and introduced an unprecedented new energy into existence. This new ‘concept’ and energy is born in the Three Weeks (the first three weeks of Moses prayer on Sinai).* During these weeks Moses was on Sinai, the people below experienced only silence. But above a birthing was take place.

As the Three Weeks progress the silence deepens. The people feel that perhaps they will not be forgiven. The siege over Jerusalem intensifies from day to day, until we reach Tisha B’Av at the end of the Three Weeks, which is the saddest day of all, when the Temples are destroyed. Traditionally the mourning intensifies as these weeks pass and reach closer to Tisha B’Av.

In week one the first intellectual faculty (Chochma) is concealed. Though the ‘teacher’ is retreating into his mind to generate the new ‘concept,’ he still can maintain some form of superficial communication with the student. In week two the concealment progresses into the dimension of Binah (understanding). Finally, in week three all levels of intellect are concealed, including the third faculty of Daat (knowledge).

Yet as the silence deepens, the new ‘concept’ is developing further and reaching new heights. The greater the silence, the greater the revelation.

Even during this silence, if we look close enough we can detect a glow on the face of the teacher as he experiences the new revelation.

This glow, this aura expresses itself in the seven emotions of the teacher – and they in turn comfort us (the student) in the Seven Weeks of Consolation. In each of the seven weeks we are increasingly comforted as we progressively connect to the ‘glowing’ seven emotions of the teacher (as will be discussed in detail in future essays).

The Seven Weeks of Consolation are meant to motivate and prepare us for the work we must do to receive the new revelation birthed in the Three Weeks. This work entails teshuvah: In order to grow and be receptive to a new perspective, we must suspend our old perspectives and free ourselves from our old patterns of behavior. This teshuvah has two steps – the Two Weeks of Teshuvah, which allows us to finally receive the new revelation of the Second Tablets on Yom Kippur. After all this work we are finally ready to celebrate our reception of the new ‘concept.’ And celebrate we do on Shemini Atzeret and Simchat Torah.

This in brief is a synopsis of Reb Hillel’s fascinating discourse, which apparently is based on the teachings of his teacher, the Tzemach Tzedek.

I don’t know about you, but I find that this explanation provides us with a brilliant formula to cope with our challenges today.

We now stand in the second of the Three Weeks – the week of Binah. Families torn apart by recent violence seem to be experiencing a deep silence. And we all grieve with them. When we think about it (or even when we don’t) we are all living in a long shadow of uncertainty, and the gloom seems to be deepening.

“Where is G-d in all of this?” many of us are asking. Why is G-d silent?

Will we get through this, and more importantly how will we?

These and so many fundamental questions asked today are answered by the system that teaches us how to deal with loss, how to be comforted and how to rebuild a new world.

Even as we experience great loss, we also witness – and are comforted by – noble heroism and the majesty of the human spirit – perhaps a manifestation of the seven ‘glowing’ emotions.

Even as we hear silence, we must realize that a great new revelation is being born. And we are privileged to be part of it. We are blessed to help precipitate a new era – when materialism will be not an end in itself, but a means to spirituality – to a world whose entire occupation will be to know the Divine, to perceive in all of existence the sublime energy within, the ‘hand inside the glove;’ a “world filled with Divine knowledge as the waters cover the sea.”

But to do so, we must first be cognizant of the tenuousness of the material world (as an end to itself). We must grieve for our losses, stand in awe of the silence and recognize the cracks that have opened up in our existing infrastructures. Then we must be comforted by the knowledge and the trust in G-d’s promise, that the ‘destruction’ of a previous state allows for the birth of a new one. That the cracks around us reveal a deeper truth. And finally, we must acclimate ourselves to the deeper truth. We must free ourselves – through teshuvah – from our subjective pasts and our hardened habits, and realign our lives to a greater vision of new horizons.

May we use these weeks well to align our lives to the healthy cosmic rhythms of time – the rhythms that reflect the inner patterns of life and inner forces that make existence tick.

May we do our part to prepare ourselves and the world to finally receive and experience the new revelation: the rebuilding of the Third and eternal Temple, the final and eternal Redemption. After the long silence, it’s about time.

———-

*) Aryeh (lion) – the Mazal (sign) of the month of Av – is an acronym of Elul, Rosh Hashana, Yom Kippur, Hoshana Rabbah. Av gives birth to the success of Moses prayers beginning in Elul (when Moses ascends Sinai for the third and final time), through Rosh Hashana, finally prevailing on Yom Kippur, and consummated and celebrated on Hoshana Rabbah.

Tags: kabbalah, redemption, Chassidus, violence, Beis Hamikdash, concealment, Holy Temple, Three Weeks
Posted in Tisha B'Av, Kabbalah, 17 Tammuz, Spiritual, Torah, Av | No Comments »

How Much Does Your Lineage Matter?

July 13th, 2017

Is there such a thing as objective elitism or is it only an illusion of the elite? Are all people equal or are some more equal than others? Is enlightenment exclusive only to a select few?

This week’s Torah portion – and a recent ride in the subway – provide some interesting insights.

Isn’t it fascinating to study the faces of thousands of commuters packed in a subway? Their blank stares—an art we have mastered in our mass consumer culture—hide their thoughts and feelings. One person is playing a videogame; another is exercising control by releasing his rage at new passengers forcing their way through the doors (a form of “road rage,” or in this case: “subway rage”).

What are the ultimate aspirations of all these people? (Are they thinking the same thing about me?). Are they being manipulated by the few people with power and wealth?

This innocuous experience became a catalyst for the following thoughts on the role of the masses in the world in which we live—a theme touched upon in the opening of this week’s Torah reading.

*****

One of the themes in this week’s Torah portion is yichus.

You don’t know what yichus is? Let me tell you. Yichus is what Tevye the milkman could have complained about to G-d. As in:

“Dear G-d, you made many, many poor people. I realize, of course, that it’s no shame to be poor. But it’s no great honor either! So, what would have been so terrible if I had a small fortune?” Tevye could have added: “Ok, so if you didn’t bless me with wealth, why didn’t you at least give me yichus?”

Literally, yichus means lineage, distinguished birth, pedigree. But it means much more in Yiddish culture, as a proud Yiddishe grandmother exclaiming at the wedding of her grandchild: “oy! You should see how handsome is the choson of my einekel (the groom of my granddaughter)! And yichus—gevald, such yichus; don’t ask…”

Or when someone proposes a shidduch (match), and the question is asked: “And what about her yichus?”… “Is she tall?” to which the matchmaker replies: “She has money.” “Is she beautiful?” “She has yichus.”

You get the idea.

Yichus is that intangible which many people value for no other reason than image, often used to evaluate the merit of a potential matrimonial candidate. Yet, on a serious note, yichus also demonstrates “good blood,” cherished genes.

But what exactly is this yichus thing. On one hand, the Torah values yichus. At the same time, the controversy remains how much significance should yichus bear when we live in a world where some of the most unrefined people have great yichus and some the most refined people may not have the greatest yichus. After all, even Abraham was not blessed with great yichus.

This week’s Torah portion can help us unravel the yichus dilemma.

The great Torah commentator Rashi explains why the verse emphasizes the lineage of Pinchas in the opening of this week’s portion:

“Because the tribes would humiliate Pinchas by saying that he stems (on his mother’s side) from an idol worshiper and he murdered a Jewish leader. The verse therefore comes to establish his yichus (on his father’s side) to Aaron the High Priest, brother of Moses.”

However this Rashi requires explanation. Is yichus a game of “eenie meenie mini moe”—randomly choosing the positive pedigree? Either or: If Pinchas’ lineage stemmed from an idol worshipper (as the tribes argued), how does it help us to emphasize that Pinchas also had good genes?

Rashi teaches us the dual nature of yichus. As one humble grandson of a great Rebbe once told me, in response to my asking him why he doesn’t live up to his great yichus:

“I heard from my father that yichus is like a bunch of zeroes.  If they follow a number then each 0 multiplies the number by ten. If no number precedes them, a bunch of 0’s add up to one big zero.”

In other words yichus does not compensate for one’s deficiencies. Great yichus without one’s own virtues and efforts can be quite empty.

True, that good lineage can often “carry” or “redeem” a person in difficult situations – hence the concept of “zechut avot,” the merit of our ancestors, which is never eradicated – yet, that merit is a blessing from above. We on our part cannot simply depend on yichus; we must do our part in living up to our lineage.

Like Pinchas, each of us has two sides. We have great lineage traced directly to our ancestors, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel and Leah.  Yet, we also have other “blood.” It is our choice to determine which one will control our lives; what direction our actions will take.

Free will remains the unwavering foundation of life. Nothing—neither good nor bad pedigree—impedes our free choice. True, yichus can help a person, just as other personality traits may create more conducive conditions; but we all have our strengths and our challenges to overcome.

After all, a person may have excellent yichus, even have grown up in a home that provided a strong education, yet still make terrible choices that hardly reflect his yichus. Conversely there are those that have reached great spiritual heights through their efforts, without any obvious and immediate positive pedigree.

Because, every person has great yichus, even if it may stem from many generations back; and every person has unique challenges.

So though it was true, as the tribes claimed, that Pinchas descended from an idol worshipper, yet through his selfless and courageous actions in taking the initiative, Pinchas earned his right to be identified with his distinguished grandfather Aaron the High Priest.

The mistake of the tribes was the sin of elitism: They felt that lineage alone determines one’s destiny. Pinchas, originating from a pagan was doomed to an inferior position, regardless of his behavior; Zimri, leader of the Tribe of Shimeon, was blessed with leadership, regardless of his disgusting actions.

The Torah tells us that it does not work that way. Take the great Moses: Notwithstanding their great pedigree, it was not Moses’ children but Joshua who succeeded him.

Which really brings us to the topic of elitism. The debate continues to rage whether all people are actually equal, or are some more equal than others. The argument goes that the “masses are…,” most people are followers, interested primarily in their own survival and pleasures, and are in need of the few gifted individuals that are blessed with the vision and wisdom of leadership (“yodei makirei” in the language of Tanya).

Even America, which cherishes the freedom of the individual and declares, “all men are created equal,” established the Electoral College, feeling that individuals would be too partisan and limited to directly elect the President. Instead, Electors, who are the most knowledgeable and informed individuals from each State, represent the general population and they select the president based solely on merit and without regard to State of origin or political party.

Throughout history this debate has manifested itself in many shapes and forms.

In the 60’s there was a debate amongst two enlightened individuals, whether a certain substance that induced a psychedelic state should be distributed to the masses or is it just for the elite, who will appreciate and not abuse it.

Monarchs and clergy through the centuries claimed that they were blessed with being chosen by G-d to lead—that they were more equal than others.

Even Maimonides wonders (introduction to the Mishne) what is the role of the masses who pursue their personal comforts and pleasures instead of an enlightened life of wisdom and virtue—the purpose for which man was created, but remains the path of the few. Maimonides goes on to explain that the role of the masses is to repair and civilize the world and thus serve the few enlightened people of wisdom and virtue, and to also serve as their company so the world not be desolate. Yet, clearly this is not the end of the discussion, especially taking into consideration that every human being has a Divine calling in the world.

Some argue that this was also the dispute (l’havdil) between the Chassidim and the Misnagdim back when Chassidus was first introduced by the Baal Shem Tov. The non-Chassidic leaders felt that mysticism was to be studied only by the elite few. Whereas the Chassidic masters felt that it is relevant and should be taught to the masses, to all people.

This debate around elitism has never been completely resolved. This week’s Pinchas story can help resolve the question by illuminating for us the delicate balance between the sanctity of the individual, the recognition of the limitations of the masses and the necessity for responsible leadership.

The first thing we must know is that every person was created in the Divine image, and thus has a unique and indispensable role to play. Even if one is not the “enlightened type,” his or her Divine contribution can manifest itself in other ways. All people are expected to live up to their destiny—to the utmost of their ability and opportunity—to live a life of wisdom and virtue.

In addition, each of us has been blessed with a powerful heritage and excellent pedigree. [Even if one cannot trace a lineage to special ancestors, Maimonides writes to Ovadiah the Ger, that his lineage goes directly to G-d, far superior to a lineage that stems from human beings, even great ones].

At the same time, we also face the challenges of survival, and the inclination to protect our own immediate interests—laced with narcissism and self-preservation, with the temptation to overlook our higher calling.

While it may be true that some people lean more toward the former and others toward the latter, yet all of us have elements of both: Enlightened leaders can be often quite selfish, and the simple masses can be often quite noble.

Indeed, the paradox is apparent in the following verse in Jeremiah regarding the Messianic age:

“I shall put my teaching in their inward parts and write it in their heart…They shall no longer teach one another… saying ‘know G-d,’ for they shall all know Me—from the least of them to the greatest of them” (Jeremiah 31:32-33).

If  “they shall no longer teach one another… for they shall all know me” why does the verse say that there will be a distinction between “the least of them” (“ketanom”) and the “greatest of them” (“gedolom”)? Because diversity will remain, there will be both young and old, smaller and greater, yet each will know Me; G-d’s Essence will permeate each according to his/her level.

We see here both elements: Equality yet distinction.

Given, that we are not yet in Messianic times and we still are challenged by our own narcissism, hence, a greater need for leadership today. However, individual responsibility—and human diversity—is still part of pour present reality.

So, despite the dual forces tugging at us in two opposite directions, the most important message of all is this:

The choice is yours.

Tags: destiny, free choice, Pinchas, yichus, lineage
Posted in Weekly Parsha, Bamidbar, Torah, Pinchas | 1 Comment »

How to Feel That You Matter

July 7th, 2017

Many of us experience periods of existential angst. Whether our feelings of insignificance have been triggered by the regular wear and tear of life, or by boredom or depression, they can feel pretty real. What can you do when you feel like you don’t matter? How can you connect to the feeling that you truly matter?

There are three steps to building your confidence and knowing that you matter, and they are spiritual in nature. They don’t require any particular practice, just the acknowledgement of the presence of a power greater than yourself. These are the three steps:

1. Recognize that the material world is limited, and the spiritual world is infinite. All feelings of worthlessness and futility are rooted in the temporal material world. In the material world, one can never have enough or be enough. The material world says, “Get more and do more, or you are a loser.” A sense of existential angst complements that sentiment, since no amount of money, fame, physical beauty, or external stimulation will sate the material quest for happiness, and materialism by definition is fleeting and impermanent. And no matter how much you have, it can never satisfy a person at the soul level. Without soul satisfaction — meaning without a connection to an infinite power and the sense of transcendence, meaning, and wholeness that comes from it — a person is inevitably doomed to feel insignificant.
2. Understand that you are an actual part of a Higher Power. You are your soul, not your body, and your soul is an actual part of a Higher Power. You have a piece of infinity inside you — without out it you literally cannot live. Your body is simple a vehicle to allow your soul to travel in this physical world. You need a body in order to live out your purpose in life, but your soul is the source of that purpose. That’s why the second step to becoming aware of the fact that you matter when you feel that you don’t is understanding that your body is finite, but your soul is infinite, and is your true compass and driver.
3. Accept that the Higher Power makes no mistakes, and that It chose you to be on Earth with a specific mission. Make no mistake: If you are alive, you matter. In addition to being infinite, the Higher Power (and consequently your soul) is perfect. The Higher Power didn’t mess up when creating you — you aren’t some kind of worthless outlier. There are no worthless outliers. Even when we have setback, and things don’t always work our as planned, we each were created with a unique purpose, with our own mission in life. Stuff happens to each of us, and we each have our own challenges, but regardless of the variables of our lives and personalities, every single person on Earth has a mission. Birth is G-d saying, “You matter.”

If you don’t have a personal mission statement yet, begin writing one. When you know your personal mission statement, you can always return to it when you start drifting into existential angst, or wander into other forms of feeling lost. The Meaningful Life Center has published several guides to writing your own personal mission statement, which we have linked below.

Go deeper into this subject: All Articles About Your Mission, Your Purpose | How to Discover Your Mission | An Exercise to Find Out Who You Are | You Were Sent to Earth With A Mission | Thank You for Giving Me Back My Life

Tags: your mission, purpose, Divine purpose, purpose in life
Posted in Your Mission, Your Purpose, Soul Gym | 1 Comment »