May 16th, 2018
According to Kabbalah, the spectrum of human experience is divided into seven emotions and qualities. The sefirah (also known as the tree of life) outlines the different parts of your emotional life. Subscribe to the Soul Workout to examine and refine these seven muscles.
The seven emotional attributes are:
1. Chesed – Loving kindness, benevolence.
Love is the single most powerful and necessary component in life. Love is the origin and foundation of all human interactions. It is both giving and receiving. It allows us to reach above and beyond ourselves; to experience another person and to allow that person to experience us. It is the tool by which we learn to experience the highest reality — G-d.
2. Gevurah – Justice, Discipline, Restraint, Awe
If love (chesed) is the bedrock of human expression, discipline (gevurah) is the channel through which we express love. It gives our life and love direction and focus. Like a laser beam, its potency lies in the focus and concentration of light in one direction, rather than fragmented light beams dispersed in all different directions. Gevurah – discipline and measure – concentrates and directs our efforts, our love, in the proper directions. Another aspect of gevurah is respect and awe. Healthy love requires respect for the one you love.
3. Tiferet – Beauty and harmony; compassion
Tiferet — compassion blends and harmonizes the free outpouring love of chesed with the discipline of gevurah. Tiferet possesses this power by introducing a third dimension — the dimension of truth, which is neither love nor discipline and therefore can integrate the two. Truth is accessed through selflessness: rising above your ego and your predispositions, enabling you to realize a higher truth. Truth gives you a clear and objective picture of your and others’ needs. The imbalance of love and discipline (and for that matter, any distortion) is a result of a subjective, hence limited perspective. Introducing truth, by suspending personal prejudices, allows you to express your feelings (including the synthesis of chesed and gevurah) in the healthiest manner.
This quality gives TIFERET its name, which means BEAUTY: it blends the differing colors of love and discipline, and this harmony makes it beautiful.
4. Netzach – Endurance, Fortitude, Ambition
Endurance and ambition is a combination of determination and tenacity. It is a balance of patience, persistence and guts. Endurance is also being reliable and accountable, which establishes security and commitment. Without endurance, any good endeavor or intention has no chance of success.
Endurance means to be alive, to be driven by healthy and productive goals. It is the readiness to fight for what you believe, to go all the way. Without such commitment any undertaking remains flat and empty. It is an energy that comes from within and stops at nothing to achieve its goals. This, of course, requires that endurance be closely examined to ensure that it is used in a healthy and productive manner.
Ask yourself: How committed am I to my values? How much would I fight for them? Am I easily swayed? What price am I ready to pay for my beliefs? Is there any truth for which I would be ready to give my life?
5. Hod – Humility, Splendor
If endurance is the engine of life, humility is its fuel. As gevurah (discipline) gives chesed (love) focus, Hod gives netzach (endurance) direction. Humility is the silent partner of endurance. Its strength is in its silence. Its splendor is in its repose.
Humility – and the resulting yielding – should not be confused with weakness and lack of self-esteem. Humility is modesty; it is acknowledgment (from the root of the Hebrew word, “hoda’ah”). It is saying “thank you” to G-d. It is clearly recognizing your qualities and strengths and acknowledging that they are not your own; they were given to you by G-d for a higher purpose than just satisfying your own needs. Humility is modesty; it is recognizing how small you are which allows you to realize how large you can become. And that makes humility so formidable.
6. Yesod – Bonding, Foundation
Bonding is the ultimate emotional connection. While the first five qualities (love, discipline, compassion, endurance and humility) are interactive, they still manifest duality: the lover and the beloved. The emphasis is on an individual’s feelings, not necessarily on mutuality. Bonding, on the other hand, is a complete fusion of the two.
Without bonding no feeling can be truly realized. Bonding means connecting; not only feeling for another, but being attached to him. Not just a token commitment, but total devotion. It creates a channel between giver and receiver. Bonding is eternal. It develops an everlasting union that lives on forever through the perpetual fruit it bears.
Bonding is the foundation of life. The emotional spine of the human psyche. Every person needs bonding to flourish and grow. The bonding between mother and child; between husband and wife; between brothers and sisters; between close friends. Bonding is affirmation; it gives one the sense of belonging; that “I matter,” “I am significant and important.” It establishes trust — trust in yourself and trust in others. It instills confidence. Without bonding and nurturing we cannot realize and be ourselves.
7. Malchut – Nobility; sovereignty, leadership.
Sovereignty — the last of the seven attributes — is different from the previous six. It is a state of being rather than an activity. Nobility is a passive expression of human dignity which has nothing of its own except that which it receives from the other six emotions. True leadership is the art of selflessness; it is only a reflection of a Higher will. On the other hand, malchut manifests and actualizes the character and majesty of the human spirit. It is the very fiber of what makes us human.
When love, discipline, compassion, endurance and humility are properly channeled into the psyche through bonding, the result is malchut. Bonding nurtures us and allows our sovereignty to surface and flourish. Malchut is the receptivity to all the emotions that are funneled through Yesod.
Just like you isolate your arms, quads, or cardio with specific exercises, working out your soul requires isolating and flexing different muscles. The Meaningful Life Center’s Soul Workouts focus on isolating emotional muscles, and help you develop new tools to carry with you in your new and improved emotional “body.”
Tags: kabbalah, Tree of life
Posted in Kabbalah, Soul Gym, Spiritual | 4 Comments »
May 16th, 2018
As much as we may prefer an “easy” life, and no matter how “perfect” other people’s lives look, the truth about life is that it is a struggle — and that’s healthy. The “feel good” advertising industry wants us to think that an easy life is one click or one purchase away. That is simply not true — life is meant to be challenging. Here are the whys and hows of embracing it.
Struggle Is the Purpose of Existence
It’s an illusion to think that life is easy and that faith is bliss. On the contrary — life is a battle. And it is precisely this battle that we were designed to face. Therefore, do not be disturbed or demoralized by your challenges, by your inconsistencies and by your weaknesses. Do not be shaken when you do not live up to your highest aspirations, and often do not actualize or maintain your inspiration. Do not be discouraged – because this struggle is the fundamental purpose of all of existence.
Be Honest: Face the Truth of the Challenge
So many of us try to fight the fact that life is difficult, and we seek out ways to numb ourselves or find temporary balms to make us feel good. We turn to all sorts of escapes to relieve our pain. But they never last. However, when you embrace the struggle and realize that it is exactly what life was meant to be, you paradoxically get empowered to face your challenges with confidence and strength. The key is not to deceive yourself into thinking that the world is just fine and you can remain passive and complacent. You must be wise and awake to life’s traps and realize that life is a struggle. Make peace with your struggles. The first step to winning your battles is to recognize their value and importance.
You Have Tools to Face It
You must always know that each challenge, no matter how difficult, comes with tools to face that challenge and come out stronger. Since struggle is the purpose of life, and not just some incidental distraction, you are provided with all the resources you need to deal with your struggles. Whatever difficulty and hardship that comes your way, whatever loss or setback you are experiencing, you must always know that you have all the tools necessary to face the struggle and prevail. Not just prevail but thrive and grow, and transform your corner of the world. This is also true about past traumas. You always have the ability to begin at whatever stage you are in your life.
Start At Home
In order to take on life’s battles, you need a strong foundation. What is most vital is to create a peaceful oasis – a space, a moment, a corner, in which you have the ability to stock up, gather strength and reinforce yourself before you face the harsh realities around you. This also serves as a solid base and station from which you can engage the often difficult world, and do what it takes to reveal the light in the darkness.
Exercise: How do you perceive struggles? Do you expect life to be easy? Do you feel inadequate because you struggle? Journal about it in your MyMLC journal.
Go deeper into this subject: The Wilderness & the Torah | Before the Battle | You Can Suffer Without Becoming a Sufferer | How to Relieve Your Emotional Pain
SOULGYM I MASTERCLASS
Live with Rabbi Simon Jacobson
With You in the Dark: Why You Were Never Alone
Wednesday, December 24, 2025 @8:30pm
Live Stream | Podcast
Add to Calendar
Posted in Soul Gym, Personal Life, Pain & Suffering | 6 Comments »
May 10th, 2018
Dear Rabbi Jacobson,
A friend just forwarded me your article How to Find a True Rabbi. What a brilliant piece!
Your powerful and moving words left me in tears…
Above all, you have made us all proud by courageously addressing an issue that so few want to approach. You cut to the heart of the cancer of divisiveness that has so pervaded society, and I cannot thank you enough for restoring to me a sense of hope.
But getting back to a more philosophical mode, I do have a question: If one were to say that many (most?) Rabbis today (and for that matter, other clergy as well) simply don’t “get it,” where does it leave us? The fact is that people do need leaders and authorities, and cannot go it alone. So where are individuals to turn when they need direction?
To play devil’s advocate: Some even argue that the masses are simply too simple and busy with their own survival to be able to make true life choices. The public lacks the intelligence to even choose leaders. If we allow laypeople to challenge the Rabbinate and all forms of authority we are left with anarchy.
So, yes many rabbis may be corrupt and many others may be ignorant about the basics of the soul, but then what should people do if they cannot find a true Rabbi? Couldn’t the argument be made that better an inadequate Rabbi than no Rabbi at all?
Thank you again,
[Signed]
Dear [Signed],
Since you mention anarchy, I must make a confession. I have always been obsessed with anarchy, and I must admit, that I have been accused in my time of being an anarchist.
After writing an article on the nature of leadership, one fellow angrily dismissed my words by saying that I simply can’t handle authority. While that may be true, that doesn’t mean authority per se is always a good thing. As they say, “Just because I’m paranoid doesn’t mean nobody wants to get me.”
Ok, so what exactly is anarchy. Webster’s defines it like this:
Etymology: Medieval Latin anarchia, from Greek, from anarchos having no ruler, from an- + archos ruler. Date: 1539.
1 a : absence of government b : a state of lawlessness or political disorder due to the absence of governmental authority c : a utopian society of individuals who enjoy complete freedom without government
2 a : absence or denial of any authority or established order b : absence of order
No doubt that there is an unhealthy form of anarchy – especially in context of one who simply has no rules in his/her life and just follows his own heart’s desire, destructive or not. They call that nihilism.
Etymology: German Nihilismus, from Latin nihil nothing. Date: circa 1817
1 a : a viewpoint that traditional values and beliefs are unfounded and that existence is senseless and useless b : a doctrine that denies any objective ground of truth and especially of moral truths
2 a (1) : a doctrine or belief that conditions in the social organization are so bad as to make destruction desirable for its own sake independent of any constructive program or possibility (2) capitalized : the program of a 19th century Russian party advocating revolutionary reform and using terrorism and assassination
But allow me to submit another translation of anarchy: Rebelling against corrupt systems and the mediocre status quo, in search for truth. Not accepting the way things are just because people and so called ‘authorities’ say so. In other words: the search for G-d – not anything man-made – but a true G-d, Who transcends all our structures and definitions.
Not an anarchy that is driven by reckless abandon or plain narcissism. Not an anarchy that is a smoke screen for doing whatever you like. But an anarchy that is revolutionary. It may not always know how to be channeled, but it is driven by the desperate quest for something higher – something more – than our conventional pedestrian diet.
Conformists don’t change the world. Anarchists do. That is, anarchists according to my definition, when they channel their energy into positive revolution.
There is a thin line between true faith and true anarchy – a very thin line. Just like there is a thin line between genius and madness, between faith and heresy, between tragedy and comedy. That’s how extremes work. Passion can go both ways. In Hebrew it’s called shtus d’kedusha – holy insanity, separated by a thin line from unhealthy insanity. [In another context, the Talmud says: The greater the person, the greater his yetzer hora (evil inclination)].
Though this doesn’t answer your question, I just couldn’t resist the temptation to get in a few words about anarchy.
Now to your actual question.
Let me begin with a great analogy I just heard from my old time friend and colleague, Rabbi Yossi Shemtov, the Chabad shliach (representative) in Tucson, Arizona. After chastising me for not calling him when I was in Scottsdale, he shared with me the following reply he gave someone who asked him about the distinction between different Rabbis.
Some Rabbis, he said, are like surgeons and others are like pilots. What is the difference between a surgeon and a pilot? When someone is in need of surgery, G-d forbid, he will be very cautious and search around for the best possible surgeon. Why? Because his life is at risk, and he wants to ensure that whoever is cutting him open is the most qualified expert in performing this particular surgery.
Why then is it that when the same person books an airline flight, with all the risks of air travel, he doesn’t go searching for the best pilot in the world?
The answer is because the pilot is flying together with you on the airplane, and he is exposed to the same risk as the passenger. The surgeon, on the other hand, is not lying on the slab with the patient. If the surgery doesn’t go well, G-d forbid, the surgeon remains intact [except for possible malpractice suits].
Some Rabbis are like great surgeons. They are brilliant scholars, erudite legal experts, eloquent orators. Many of us who see a Rabbi as an ‘outsider,’ one who is not in the ‘same boat’ with us, will go searching for the best surgeon. We will look for the greatest scholar and expert. However, there are Rabbis who are like pilots – they may not be the best, but they are in it with us. Our problem is their problem. Our celebration is their celebration.
We are not looking for ‘perfect’ Rabbis; we are in search of Rabbis who humbly appreciate the value of Divine souls and know that we are all sacred souls struggling in an agnostic world.
As I wrote in the first part of How to Find a True Rabbi, we are never given a challenge that we cannot overcome. The mere fact that we live in a world like ours and that many of us are confused as how to recognize a true mentor, this in itself tells us that G-d has built in an ‘immune system’ that allows us to overcome this challenge and that we can and must be able to find the right answers and the true mentors.
Perhaps this is the calling of our times – to ask the right questions and discover our true Rabbis. I would even go one step farther. Even if we don’t have all the knowledge, even if we are ignorant and were not given the best educational opportunities, our calling today may be at least to use the knowledge we do have to understand the criteria for a true Rabbi, and demand – yes, demand – that standard for our communities and families.
I for one can simply not accept the resigned approach that because of public ignorance we have to suffice with mediocre Rabbis. Yes, I would prefer anarchy to that choice. But I don’t believe that we need to resort to anarchy. We must believe in the ability that our generation can discover truth, and do not have to be brainwashed or programmed like blind sheep.
Nothing is more dangerous than the elitist approach, which insecurely believes that a few ‘keepers of the flame’ must dictate the rules for the ignorant masses. We must respect the dignity of each person’s individual soul and believe in the fact that we are all together ‘in the same boat’ and the ‘same plane.’
Frankly, if you don’t believe in that, what then do you believe in? To believe in G-d and not believe in the Divinely ordained spirit within each human being and that each person can access this soul is, at least in this humble writer’s opinion, ludicrous. If you don’t have confidence in G-d’s creatures you basically don’t have confidence in G-d.
So, yes, we are in need of teachers, leaders, Rabbis, but we also have the ability to identify the true standard of a Rabbi and demand of our rabbis to live up to that standard.
If you call that anarchy – so be it.
Tags: individuality, absolute truth, Jewish leaders, Divine, questions, faith, soul, leadership
Posted in Weekly Parsha, Soul & Mystical, Religion, Vayikra, Personal Life, Spiritual, Torah, Emotions & Psychology, Bechukotai | 9 Comments »
May 9th, 2018
Whether your mother is present in your life or not, each one of us needs to give ourselves motherly love. Motherly love fosters a sense of security and dignity — and you can give yourself the nurturing that you need regardless of whether your mother gave it to you or not, or is present now (or not). Try the following.
Pursue Dignity
Dignity is the feeling of confidence and security that comes from knowing that you have inherent value and are indispensable, by virtue of the fact that you were created in the Divine Image. The antithesis to dignity is a sense of worthlessness, shame, insecurity, low self-esteem, sometimes to the point of self-loathing. When a mother lovingly cradles her child in her arms and the child’s eyes meet the mother’s affectionate eyes, the child receives the message: “I am wanted and needed in this world. I have a comfortable place where I will always be loved. I have nothing to fear. I feel like royalty in my heart.”
Take a moment and concentrate on yourself, on your true inner self, not on your performance and how you project to others. What makes your inner self feel wholesome and dignified? Give yourself the gift of doing something or being somewhere that makes you feel dignified.
Go to Your Soul
Another word for your soul is “inner child”. And that child needs to be nurtured by your “inner mother”. No matter how old you are, each of us has our inner child intact. Nothing can be healthier than getting – and staying – in touch with your child, with your own innocent essence. Embrace her, kiss her, laugh with her, cry for and with her – commit to activities (in thought, speech and action) that caress your soul and allow her to actualize in this world.
Are you fulfilling your soul’s mission? Do you know your soul’s mission? When you learn about your soul and live a soul-driven life, your soul’s vitality then becomes a hub that connects all the fragmented spokes of your life. You will be nurturing your inner child in the way that a mother nurtures her youngster.
Practice Loving-Kindness
Your compassion – toward yourself and toward others – helps the mother within you to do her work. Be kind and gentle with yourself. If your own mother spoke to you harshly, speak to yourself the way that you wish she had spoken to you. If you were blessed with a healthy and nurturing mother, rise above your self-perception and try to see yourself the way that she sees you — as someone worthy of unconditional love.
Work on meeting your own specific needs rather than suppressing them. Find new ways to express loving-kindness to yourself and to others. Explore what loving-kindness and compassion are, and use them to strengthen your dignity.
Exercise: How do you nurture yourself? Envision treating your inner child the way it needs to be treated. Act on it. Journal about it in your MyMLC journal.
Go deeper into this subject: A Mother’s Tears | I am a Child and I Believe | Your Guide to Personal Freedom: Counting the Omer Week Seven | Dancing Particles
SOULGYM I MASTERCLASS
Live with Rabbi Simon Jacobson
Are Women Inferior to Men in the Bible?
May 17, 2023 @8:30pm
Live Stream | Podcast
Add to Calendar
Tags: parents, kindness, dignity, self-help, love, parenting
Posted in Soul Gym, Personal Life, Emotions & Psychology | No Comments »
May 3rd, 2018
We are now in the forty-nine day period between Passover and Shavuot, which is marked by an intense journey toward emotional refinement. Each of the 49 days corresponds with one aspect of our seven multiplied by seven (49) emotional attributes, as outlined in detail with daily exercises in my book, The Spiritual Guide to Counting the Omer. Day one focuses on refining the “love within love,” day two – discipline within love, and so on.
Whenever addressing the issue of self-refinement and personal growth, we must ask the big question: Can we indeed change our personalities?
Animals, for instance, do not work on themselves and their relationships. They are who they are, controlled by their inherent instincts, and that’s that. Animals don’t go to therapy, don’t take Prozac and simply play out their lives according to their built-in mechanisms.
True, we can train an animal to jump through hoops and perform other tricks, but we cannot fundamentally change their natural patterns, as Dr. Moreau tragically discovered.
The famous parable of the proverbial cat drives the point home. Two philosophers were arguing the point whether animals can be trained and changed to behave like humans. The first thinker pointed to a cat that was trained to be a waiter in a fancy restaurant. Dressed in coat n’ tails the feline served patrons walking on two with his nose and whiskers elegantly facing upward. The second philosopher took out a bag and opened it up releasing several mice scurrying in different directions. The cat in tuxedo and all suddenly dropped on all fours to pursue the mice, leaving the wine and dinner strewed across the cherry wood floors, and the philosopher to scratch his head…
Humans too have their inherent natures and dispositions. Just as we can’t change the color of our eyes or our height (except superficially), how can we change our emotional “stripes”?
Especially considering the contemporary prevailing Darwinian-Freudian theory of man—as an evolved beast driven by the self-ish preserving Id—it would appear that there is little hope for any fundamental change beyond the behavioral.
Just witness the ugliness to which man can stoop when our survival instincts are challenged. Ravenous people have been known to kill other men with cannibalistic fury to satisfy their desperate hunger. No one should ever be tested, but history is fraught with brutal examples of mans’ fall to bestial behavior capable of unimaginable atrocities when his survival (real or perceived) is at stake.
This may upset the entire billion-dollar self-help industry and therapeutic community (and conversely help the lucrative cosmetics business), but hey, if we are unchangeable creatures, let’s just call a spade a spade, and stop wasting time, energy and money trying to work on perfecting our inner selves (it may be time to buy cosmetics stock).
If, for example, someone is born with an angry gene, or acquired angry fits at young age—either due to overexposure to an angry parent, or to deeply embedded resentment built up over the years—can we actually expect that this person will cease reacting with bouts of fury? Or if another is stingy by nature (first or second nature) can she ever become generous?
Is compassion wired into our systems, with some of us given a larger measure, while others are wired in different ways with different features?
When observing familial patterns it appears that certain traits “run in the family.” Whether this is due to “nature” or “nurture”—heredity or acquired attitudes—doesn’t change the obvious difficulty or impossibility to change the grains of our natures, just as we can’t change the grains in wood.
So what value or hope do we have in attempting to change our natural tendencies—a seemingly doomed cause?
How many people have you actually met that have changed their personalities?
The argument can be made that we really can’t change our essential selves, but we can change our behavior. What is expected of civilized beings is not that they transform their insides, but that they live by a common law that dictates mutual respect: Superimposed “green lights” and “red lights” that allow us to co-exist. Hopefully, the façade of behavioral discipline will hold the inner beast at bay, with only a few anomalies in the shape of monstrous criminals put behind bars. Fear of punishment, in this system, is the determining deterrent that stops humans from gravitating back to their natural selfishness.
But left to their own, people will naturally return to their primal roots: Beasts struggling to survive at all costs.
Not a pretty picture, but do we have an alternative?
Now for the good news.
Every assumption is based on our initial premise. Every theory is defined by its axioms.
The reason we assume that we cannot change our personalities is because our initial impression is that everything in this universe doesn’t really change in any fundamental way. Minerals remain minerals, vegetables are always vegetables and leopards do not “change their spots.”
Existence as we experience it on a sensory level is a static place. Yes, things move about but they do not fundamentally change their natural personalities and do not transcend their inherent boundaries. The sun rises each day and sets at night. Then the moon rises and sets. The moon goes through its lunar cycle consistently each month. Every part of “nature” is a like a predictable clock following a pre-set unwavering program. So just as a stone, a tree and an animal all remain the way they have always been, why should we assume that a human being is different?
Based on this premise, that existence is static and even dying, the impossibility of changing ones personality seems as inevitable as the fact that a lamb will never behave like a wolf.
Indeed, existence as we know is worse than static; it is dying. Everything we experience, even physical matter, is in the process of erosion. Life in particular is mortal. Everyone and everything ages and dies.
However all this is based on the premise of existence “as we know it.”
There is another premise – one that upsets the entire theory of an unchanging existence. This premise is posited by the Torah. Like a true blueprint the Torah doesn’t describe symptoms but causes. It doesn’t define existence by the way we humans perceive it with the naked eye, but by its true inner character. When we look at a structure we see the outer layer; it’s body. When we look at its blueprint we see its internal engineering; it’s soul.
The Torah, which defines things as they truly are, opens up by describing man – not as a five or six foot skeleton, not as a creature of intelligence and feelings, not as a being that is born and dies. Who then is man? The first thing we are told is that the human being is not human but “divine,” created in the “Divine Image.” At the core each of us is a “Divine persona.”
This declaration changes the entire picture. Were we mere human personalities then our personality could change no more than land can become water or earth can transform into heaven.
Without getting into the intricate meanings of “Divine Image,” the basic difference between human and Divine is the difference between death and life. Divine is dynamic. Human is static. Divine is alive. Human is dead.
You see, the fact that the physical universe ages and erodes tells us that it is in fundamental demise from the outset. In Torah law there is a question about what can be categorized “mayim chayim,” live waters. If a live spring were to dry up in seven years, the law dictates that even while the spring is “alive” during the seven years it cannot be called “live,” because its demise is an inevitability. If something will ultimately die, is it truly alive in the first place?
Eternity, in other words, is not discovered at the end of “the road,” but at the beginning. Eternity is qualitatively, not quantitatively, different than the ephemeral, just as infinity is qualitatively equidistant from the number one as it is from a trillion.
We may not know much about the Divine, but one thing it is not is human (that is, human as we define the term). The divine is a source of constant energy flowing from the Essence of it all. It is dynamic and alive, and always open to change.
By stating that the human being is made in the “Divine Image” we are compelled to rethink the very nature of our beings. Instead of trying to fit our spiritual “concepts” into human terms, we are asked to fit our “human” parameters into “Divine” context. As some thinkers have noted: “We are not human beings on a spiritual journey; we are spiritual beings on a human journey.”
Indeed, the Divine behooves us to rethink the very nature of existence itself. Not just the human, but the entire universe, beneath the surface, is pulsating with vibrant and dynamic Divine energy. By seeing ourselves as Divine we can begin looking at the universe in a new way and then recognize our ability to change existence as a whole.
I have always been intrigued by the statement of some French atheists that if “G-d didn’t exist we would have to create Him.” Beyond the sacrilegious tone of this statement, it carries a deep truth: If we allow ourselves to see life as nothing more than mortal, than we are doomed to the death of all things mortal. In effect, rendering all our life choices, all our sacrifices, all our commitments, into dying causes – dying along with us.
Our only wellspring of hope – one that infuses all our commitments with eternal meaning – is our connection with the Divine.
As one Holocaust survivor once said: “After the holocaust we have no choice but to believe in G-d, because we no longer can believe in man…”
The implications of personality change due to our Divine (rather than human) nature are far-reaching and revolutionary. It creates an infinitely higher standard of what we can expect of ourselves and of others. It motivates us to reach places we may never have considered imaginable. Above all, it gives us the power to change our vary nature—even if it is deeply ingrained into our genes and personalities, due to heredity or training.
[It even addresses the controversial issue of changing one’s sexual orientation. Some argue that certain “life choices” are not choices at all, but part of the nature the way we are born. Dr. Jeffrey Satinover argues in his book, Homosexuality and the Politics of Truth, that even if it can be shown that homosexuality is inborn (which in itself is difficult to ascertain, especially when you consider that “nurture” can actually rewire our very “nature”), it is still possible to change one’s inherent nature, if one were to choose to. He cites many cases in which he helped individuals to change their orientation, when they so chose. I also addressed this topic in one of my radio shows. If you would like to read an interesting correspondence between myself and a gay individual on this topic, please email us.]
So, can you change your personality?
No, if it’s a human personality.
Yes, if it’s a Divine one.
Tags: Divine energy, personal growth, divine image, self-development, change
Posted in Weekly Parsha, Soul & Mystical, Months & Holidays, Counting the Omer, Vayikra, Beliefs & Concepts, Personal Life, Free Choice, Spiritual, Nisan, Torah, Emor, Emotions & Psychology | 8 Comments »
May 3rd, 2018
Finding Security in an Insecure World
I was going to write about recent world events, when something occurred that compelled me to address a deeply personal issue, perhaps the single most important ingredient in life.
I was speaking with someone I know, a very refined person who had reached a pristine, almost Divine state of elegance, which only comes through deep loss. This man never had a childhood. When he needed to experience innocence, his parents had abandoned him. When he was in need of simple nurturing, he was abused. He never learned to trust, thrown far too early into the cruel world.
He was discussing with me his life, namely his long search for a meaningful relationship. He was longing for a loving marriage, to build a strong family, but his history cast a long shadow that kept impeding his way. All his attempts ended up in disappointment. Clearly, his expectations were either too great or too small.
Remarkably astute, this man was deeply aware of his issues and had a unique ability to articulate them. No doubt he had spent much time contemplating his life and had achieved a profound insight into his own psyche. He understood that his search for love was an attempt to compensate for the love he never received as a child. But his journey was quite distorted. Either he was expecting too much from another, expecting the unconditional love of parents, or he was expecting too little and withdrawing in fear, with no trust, always afraid that he did not deserve to be loved.
With tears in his eyes he suddenly said: “I was never loved.
“I just want someone to love me. Why can’t I have that in my life? Why don’t I deserve that? Am I that bad of a person?”
I never saw such sad eyes. I had to control myself from crying, so I put on a steely demeanor. Yet my heart was broken.
How many times have I heard similar sentiments expressed? I can’t even count the number.
There is so much sadness in the world, so much grief. Yes, people go through their own machinations, keeping busy, distracting themselves, rather than focusing on the deeper questions. But the pain doesn’t really go away. We all have moments—perhaps much more than just moments – when we ask ourselves, whether we like it or not: “Am I loved?”
Personally speaking, I grew up in a home where I was blessed to be nurtured and loved. Though some argue that all families today have a measure of dysfunctionality, yet relatively speaking my parents provided my siblings and me with the security that all children deserve.
However, once I began to meet people who were deprived of this seemingly given love, I began to see the great gift of having a loving family, something that should never be taken for granted. When you are loved as a child, you don’t even feel its benefits. Like all healthy things, a nurturing childhood doesn’t have any sensation. It’s like healthy lungs that just breathe without effort. But when you see the contrast of someone who was not loved, someone who has to struggle for every breath, someone who has to struggle to find self-esteem and security, then you suddenly recognize the great gift of being loved.
But then as time passed, a second realization dawned on me. Is true security rooted in the love we receive from our parents and families? Because if that is true then one can argue that should that love change or be lost then our own self-esteem would be affected in direct proportion. Can we say that our sense of security in this world is dependent on the circumstantial whims of our parents and other childhood influences?
You may ask: Why rock the boat? It’s bad enough that so many people today suffer from low self-esteem or lack of identity as a result of stunted or deprived nurturing. Why the need to challenge and question those of us that were blessed to be nurtured?
Yet, just because the nurtured ones are comfortable doesn’t mean that we can ignore the big question whether our security is dependent on others. In other words, if our sense of security is derived from other people, then one must say that the same people can take away our security. To live our lives in such a precarious position seems to me far too vulnerable.
The fact is that we all suffer from some form of insecurity in an impersonal and alien world. The Talmud tells us,
“All roads are assumed to be dangerous.”
As the Arizal states, the affairs of the material world are “severe” and the “wicked prevail.” If we are blessed—and may everyone be blessed in this way—we will face a minimal amount of “curve balls.” But the fact remains that everyone has their challenges, some more than others, and everyone will face at one point in life or another, some loss and trauma.
The Torah tells us that as long as the final Redemption has not arrived, the world remains a very insecure place, often lost and aimless. Is there a person, loved or not, that does not face existential loneliness? As nurtured as we may be, as inspired as we may become, as many good people you have in your life, at the end of the day each of us goes back on our lonely road where you and you alone travel.
Life can be very lonely, even when you are deeply blessed.
Obviously, if you were nurtured and loved it will greatly help you face life’s challenges. It gives you a safe ground to build upon. While someone lacking such ground always needs to run, constantly facing crisis, never feeling secure, a life driven by fear – always in the battle zone.
But we should not be mistaken and lulled into thinking that a secure life is that secure. Just because you may not need to run in fear doesn’t mean that you are safe. Circumstantial love—from parents and loved ones—is precisely that: Circumstantial. If that is the source of our security, than our security is only as strong as the love we receive from family. Should that love be taken from us, then we lose our security.
So what is the source of ultimate security? How do we know that we are truly loved and worthy of love?
The only answer I have ever found is the one declared in the opening of the Bible, the Torah. The first description of the human being in the Torah is not that s/he is a being of intelligence or emotion or any of our other virtues. The Torah describes the human as a being created in the “Divine Image.”
Every person, whether born into a functional or dysfunctional home, is a Divine being. And by that virtue we each are indispensable and absolutely loved and deserving of love.
No person or experience can strip you of that dignity because no one gave it to you. It is your inherent gift by virtue of your existence. You were created in the Divine Image and therefore you have absolute value. You are unconditionally loved and needed.
By no means does this minimize the great benefits of growing up in a nurturing environment. That nurturing allows you to access your Divine Image, but does not create it. Just as a good gardening does not create flowers, but allows the emergence of the flower seeds planted in the ground. Good parenting, healthy childhood is like watering the garden, cutting away the weeds, nurturing the ground, so that the flowers within can emerge.
But we should never convince ourselves that it is the nurturing home that gives you ultimate security. Nor is it your job, you friends, your money, your status, your possessions. Security rooted in temporary things, affected by circumstantial events, is only as strong as the source from whence it is derived, namely: temporary and circumstantial security.
The true and only unconditional source of love is from above:
G-d loves you.
Those of us that have not had the luxury of nurturing homes often discover this fact quicker than those who were nurtured. The eclipse of the sun exposes a deeper dimension of the sun than we see in the light. Such individuals who never had necessary human nurturing have no choice but to turn to G-d.
The rest of us however must not be distracted by the comforts of the nurturing we may have received, and always recognize that it is our Divine calling that is the true source of security, self esteem and existential purpose.
We are all in the same boat. And we need to help each other discover our Divine souls and meaning in life. We must love each other, nurture each other, and help cultivate a fertile environment for growth and building. But always remember that our support is meant to help us access—not replace—our true source of love, drawn from our Divine souls.
So, I say to my friend, and to all friends out there: Yes, you are loved and were always loved. Even if your gardeners were absentee, or worse, they poured on your ground salt instead of water, your flower seeds embedded in your psyche always remain intact. Even if you are not conscious of the fact, your true image is Divine.
As you learn to accept that you are loved, you can begin to love yourself, and be blessed to find the people who truly love you, and finally find the right person who will love you forever.
Tags: purpose of existence, family, True love, home, soul, life, challenges, divine image, security, love, G-d's love, self-esteem
Posted in Weekly Parsha, Soul & Mystical, Vayikra, Personal Life, Home & Family, Spiritual, Torah, Emor, Emotions & Psychology, Pain & Suffering | 21 Comments »
May 2nd, 2018
We all have secrets — the question is what you think is your deepest secret. What does it look like? Is it dark and shameful — the ugliest parts of your personality that only you know about, or is it something bright and beautiful?
Why Your Deepest Secrets Matter
The way you perceive your deepest secrets has direct impact on every part of your life. If indeed your deepest secrets are dark and foreboding, and cause you shame to the point that you would not want to share them with anybody, you can be sure that awareness has real and profound implications. Such a negative self-image exerts tremendous weight on your psyche — it erodes your self-esteem and drains your valuable resources as you work overtime to conceal your innermost shames. It affects your attitudes, choices and decision making process. How haunted are you by your fear of exposure, afraid that people would not respect you if they knew who you really are? How much wasted energy do you expend in hiding your darkest secrets?
At the end of the day, who you think you are is what you play out in your script. Your self-perception defines your narrative. What kind of life are you going to live if you think your deepest part is ugly? You may fight it, you may regret it and try to correct it, but your negative self-image will continuously tug at you and drag you down.
What new tools can you develop to change things?
The Truth About Your Deepest Secret
The first step in changing your life is changing your perception of yourself — and of your innermost secrets. You need to realize that the shameful secrets you are aware of are based on your limited experience and perception, and that in truth, there are a multitude of dimensions within you that you are not aware of. As long as you hold on to your past perception of your dark insides, you will be trapped by them. How could you ever become a better person without knowing who you truly are?
So who are you at the core of all cores? What is truly your deepest secret?
When you cut to the core, you will find a beautiful spirit.
Why is that so distant from your perception? Because we don’t relate to that part of ourselves — we relate to the parts we have become accustomed to, the parts we escape to for relief. That becomes our so-called refuge. It’s often not a pleasant or beautiful place to look at.
But the truth is, the deepest secrets in life are actually the most beautiful parts: When you get to the bottom of the rabbit hole you are going to meet the real you, and the real you is a piece of the Divine.
What’s your deepest secret? It’s up to you. The deepest secret is the Divine secrets that you carry inside yourself.
How to Access It
How then do you access the beautiful spirit within you? In two ways: 1) By studying and becoming aware of your own soul. 2) By acting and exercising your soul’s “muscles” through acts of generosity, gratitude, goodness and kindness. When you study about your soul you discover the deepest parts of yourself– you then have something to work with. Discovering and learning about your soul is the way to discover your deepest hidden potential. Do you know all of your potential? (Nobody knows their full potential, since it is infinite.) Learning about the soul opens up your heart to places you never would have reached on your own. Knowledge opens you to new experiences, and there is no way that you can grow and expand your horizons and spread your wings if you don’t know you have wings.
There is a whole reservoir of power beneath that. And you have to learn to access it. When you learn to access it, it weakens those deep dark things that many of us think define our secret lives.
Exercise
Follow the 49-steps to emotional and personal development program, or download our free MyOmer app. Each step helps you learn about, evaluate and exercise another aspect of your psyche. Journal about it in your MyMLC journal.
Go deeper into this subject: What Is Your Deepest Secret? | Discovering Your Inside Story | The Natural You | Your Flaws Are Possibly Not Real | What It Means to Be Honest With Yourself |
Tags: overcoming fear, soul, self-discovery, true self, self-esteem, potential
Posted in Soul Gym, Soul & Mystical, Personal Life, Spiritual, Emotions & Psychology | No Comments »
April 26th, 2018
The Ecstasy of Politics
Dear Rabbi,
Thank you for speaking to me the other day. Your encouraging words were truly helpful to me in my detox process. As I shared with you, I was one of those wayward teenagers who began using alcohol and drugs recreationally – as a social thing, bored and looking for fun. Then I became more and more dependent on them until I turned into a full blown addict. Procuring a drug became my daily and nightly obsession. I lied, stole money, betrayed people I loved and those that loved me – anything to get my high.
Even with my life completely out of control, I could not get out of my trap until I did some real irreversible damage which I could no longer ignore (as I shared with you, and would rather not put it into writing). Only then, when I hit “rock bottom,” did I began reaching for help.
After years, literally years of rehab, I am just beginning to see some light at the end of the tunnel.
My question to you is this: Beyond the addictive, destructive and unhealthy effects of substance abuse, is there any thing wrong with achieving a high through foreign substances? In other words: if drugs and alcohol would not have any adverse effects would the Torah have a problem with their use to reach a spiritual high?
I know that this question may seem trivial compared to my dreadful experiences. It may even seem as if I am trying to find some justification for their use. I assure you that this not the case. But it does intrigue me to understand the nature of the high induced by drugs, and if it can play a role, when used properly (if that is even possible), in achieving transcendence?
I appreciate your help, your vote of confidence and above all your contagious hope that gives me strength to continue my fight.
David [name changed]
—————–
Dear David,
Beyond the personal words of encouragement… I first hesitated to reply to your question, precisely because it seems completely out of place. You of all people know the horrible abyss of drug addiction. So why bring up even a slight consideration as to the possible benefits of an induced state of altered consciousness?
But then I reconsidered and realized that many others may have the same question. Additionally, it seems important to discuss not just the symptoms, but the actual roots of addiction.
You may be surprised to know that your question is directly addressed in no other place than the Bible itself. Yes, long before the plague of substance abuse in our times, we have a precedent that clarifies for us this topic, as well as many other issues around the timeless search for spiritual transcendence.
The opening of this week’s Torah portion concludes a mysterious event that took place three chapters back:
After the Sanctuary was finished, the Torah tells us that the two elder sons of Aaron, Nadav and Avihu:
“Offered a strange fire before G-d, which He had not commanded.”
The result:
“A fire went out from G-d and consumed them, and they died before G-d.”
Now, in this week’s portion, following the deaths of Nadav and Avihu, G-d specifically commanded that their example should not be repeated:
“And G-d spoke to Moses, after the death of Aaron’s two sons, who came close to G-d and died… Speak to Aaron your brother, that he [be careful to] not come at all times into the Holy… so that he not die… [but] with this shall Aaron come into the holy place.” (Leviticus 16:1-2)
The Torah continues with the conditions how to enter the Holy of Holies. Rashi explains that this command comes immediately after the statement of the death of Aaron’s sons, to warn him that his service of G-d should not be like that of his sons.
What lies behind Nadav and Avihu’s actions? Did they behave properly or not? On one hand, they were clearly great men who “came close to G-d;” on the other hand, “they died” because they “offered a strange fire before G-d, which He had not commanded.” And G-d is warning Aaron not to behave like them.
And what is the meaning of the “strange fire” that they offered?
Above all, if Aaron’s sons behaved wrongly why is it important to document their sad story, which presents them in a negative light?
The key to the story lies in the word “fire.”
Fire is passion. All passion comes from the fire of the soul:
“The soul of man is the fire of G-d.”
Like a flame, a soul always reaches upward, licking the air in its search for transcendence, only to be restrained by the wick grounding the flame to the earth. The soul’s fire wants to defy the confines of life; the free spirit wants to soar ever higher, always reaching for the heavens.
Like fire, the spirit ablaze cannot tolerate the mediocrity and monotony of the inanimate “wick” of materialism. Its passion knows no limits as it craves for the beyond.
But just like it can be the source of our greatest strength, the fire of the soul, like any fire, can also be the cause of great destruction.
Therein lays the story of Nadav and Avihu, two extraordinary souls:
When the holy Sanctuary was finished Aaron’s sons, deeply spiritual individuals, were drawn to enter the holiest sanctum on earth. They wanted to bask in the ecstasy of the Temple’s pure spirit.
Indeed, the behavior of Aaron’s two sons was not a sin; it was an act of great sanctification, as Moses tells Aaron immediately following the tragedy:
“This is what G-d spoke, saying: ‘I shall be sanctified by those who are close to Me.’”
The sages explain: Moses said, “Aaron, my brother, I knew that the Sanctuary would be sanctified by those who were beloved and close to G-d. When G-d said ‘I shall be sanctified by those close to Me,’ I thought it referred to me or you; now I see that they – Nadav and Avihu – are greater then both of us.”
Rabbi Chaim ibn Attar (the Ohr Hachaim) explains, that their death was:
“By Divine ‘kiss’ like that experienced by the perfectly righteous. Only [the problem was that] the righteous die when the Divine ‘kiss’ approaches them, while they died by their approaching it…. Although they sensed their own demise, this did not prevent them from drawing near [to G-d] in attachment, delight, delectability, fellowship, love, kiss and sweetness, to the point that their souls ceased from them.”
Nadav and Avihu’s death was a result of their profound yearning for a Divine experience. Their error was that they initiated it at their own discretion, and “selfishly” allowed the ecstasy to consume them. Their sin was not they got close to the Divine, but that they died doing so. In a sense, they wanted it too much, so much so that they rushed into the fire and got burned in the process. Their bodies could no longer contain their souls.
Thus the Torah says “when they came close to G-d and (with such passion that) they died.” Why does the Torah add “and they died” when it has already said, “after the death of the two sons of Aaron?” Although it is healthy to divest yourself of material concerns, at the moment when you stand poised at the ultimate ecstasy of the soul, you must turn again to the work that the soul must do to transform the physical existence. Nadav and Avihu achieved the ecstasy but not the return. This was their sin and the reason for their death. They “came close to G-d and they died.” They allowed their spiritual passion override their task to transform the world. They escaped beyond the world and beyond life itself.
If their motivation was pure, driven by the fiery passion of the soul, why then was it called a “strange fire?”
Because even if their intention was a good one, it ultimately was driven by their personal desire, albeit a spiritual desire, but still defined by their subjective drives. It may have begun for Divine reasons, but they allowed it to become their own personal interest, mounting to a point of intensity that it destroyed them, thus rendering the “fire” into a “strange fire,” one which “He had not commanded.” They entered on their own terms, at their own pace, at their own choosing – not on G-d’s terms.
And this was the reason that they actually ended up dying in the process. Because the same G-d that imbued us with passionate souls also commanded us to use the passion not to expire in ecstasy and escape the universe, no matter how appealing that choice may be, but to channel the passion downward and transform the material world in which we live into a Divine home. This is the purpose of the Temple: “build me a sanctuary (out of physical materials) and I will rest among you.”
Thus, the ultimate test of Aaron’s sons’ intentions was their inability to integrate the experience: Had they patiently and humbly entered on Divine terms, they would have been able to integrate the experience into their lives and return to sanctify their world. Integration would have confirmed that they were doing it not for themselves but for the cause, for G-d. The fact that they allowed themselves to be consumed with their own spiritual fire, demonstrated that it was their “own thing,” not G-d’s, a strange fire not commanded.
Now, in this week’s Torah portion, “after the death of Aaron’s sons,” Aaron is warned not to enter the Holy of Holies like his sons did. Rather, “with this shall Aaron enter the holy place” – in awe, obedience and self-abnegation. And in this way he would be able to “make atonement for himself and for his house” on the holiest day of the year, Yom Kippur, and to say a prayer for the sustenance of Israel – acts of concern for the world.
In other words, the determining factor whether the soul’s fire will be a constructive or destructive force is dependent on the person’s motivation, how he begins his spiritual journey: If it’s a self indulgent experience, driven primarily by personal desire and interest, then you will not wish to turn back from your private ecstasy to the needs of the world, and the fire will inevitably consume you. If, however, it is driven by the selfless dedication and all-out surrender to the Divine, then within this ecstasy, the desire ultimately to return and sanctify the world will always be implicit, and the fire will lift you and your world to exalted heights.
In the famous Talmudic story of the “four that entered the garden” (a mystical experience) only Rabbi Akiva began the journey with the proper attitude: He “entered in peace and (therefore) came out in peace.” Because he entered with humility, in obedience to the Divine will and seeking to unite the higher and lower worlds, that is why he came out in peace. His intention of returning was implicit at the outset of his path to religious ecstasy. While the other three – Ben Azzai, Ben Zoma and Acher – all entered for other reasons, which determined how they emerged. Ben Azzai entered seeking ecstasy, not return; therefore he “looked and died.” Ben Zoma “looked and was stricken” (with madness). Acher “mutilated the shoots” (i.e., became an apostate).
We are told the story of Aaron’s sons in order to teach us an invaluable lesson about our own life experiences:
Each of us contains a powerful soul, with fire in its belly. Each of us will, at one point or another, encounter spiritual opportunities; passionate moments which will entice and light up our fires, craving transcendence – the need to get beyond the daily grind. Transcendence can take on many shapes: Spirituality, music, romance, travel, or sexuality, to name a few.
How you act in these times – when the flames of your soul are ablaze – will define the destiny of your life.
This explains why this week’s portion is known by the name “after” or “after the death.” Why name a Torah portion with an odd title – “after the death?” Why emphasize their tragic death?
The Torah is telling us that the “death” of Aaron’s two sons – both the death itself, and “after the death” – teaches us a vital lesson, actually a twofold lesson:
1) The search and need for transcendence, the craving and yearning for a spiritual high is healthy and a necessary ingredient in the human journey. All man’s greatest achievements, his noblest acts, his deepest loves – draw from the soul’s passionate fire.
2) Yet, as with all powerful things, great care must be taken that the spiritual experience doesn’t “burn you up,” but is integrated in your life.
The fire of our souls, like any fire, can be the source of sustenance (healthy fire), or… an inferno (“strange fire”). The challenge is great. The choice is ours.
Therein lies the twofold positive lesson from the children of Aaron, both from their death and “after the death.”
Their death teaches us how not to enter the Holy of Holies uninvited, not to enter at our initiative, at any time we so choose, not to enter as a result of our personal desire; “after the death” teaches us how to enter – “with this shall Aaron enter the holy place” – with utmost humility, with sensitivity and above all, total immersing and sublimating yourself into the experience.
Let us now return to the issue of drugs and alcohol. The essential problem with inducing a (spiritual) high through foreign substances is threefold: 1) It is driven by personal desire, and therefore 2) you have not earned your right of entry, and 3) it will not be integrated into daily life. It will be an escape.
And this is precisely the reason why foreign substances are addictive and take control of your life. As their name implies, they and the altered states of consciousness they induce are foreign substances – a “strange fire” – which don’t belong to you. For a brief, but temporary moment they have the power to transport you to another place. But you don’t belong there and you have not earned your way. Having not paid your fare, the “strange fire” will come back to collect the debt: It will take control of your life until it consumes you.
By contrast, when you earn your right – through the arduous, selfless work of ego-nullification – then the emerging spirituality carries you to great heights.
The formula goes like this: Superficial experiences are just that – experiences that are felt with your sensory tools. Real experiences – love, truth, health, happiness, sexuality, spirituality – are the exact opposite: As soon as you sense them, as soon as become aware of yourself, your needs and your search – you lose the ability to “own” the experience.
Why? Because a real experience is not an experience; it is state of being. Health for example is not a verb, but a noun. It has no sensation. It just is. The same with true love: Love can manifest itself in the senses and be expressed through the senses; but love itself is not an action, but a condition, as is truth and all other inside-out realities.
Spirituality, the spiritual high, is a permanent state of being that lies beneath the surface of existence. The “container” can be artificially forced open with a “strange fire” (foreign substances), but only temporarily. No single act can be done to access the spiritual truths within; no magic can open up your soul. When you selflessly dedicate your life to a higher cause, when you transcend your ego and strip away the forces of material self-interest that impedes access to your soul within, then the spiritual will emerge. The operative word is emerge. You don’t create it, you don’t induce it, you don’t import it; you eliminate the weeds and the flower emerges.
When you try to take control, you lose control. When you let go, you begin to gain control. When you try to contain it, you lose it. When you let it free, it becomes yours.
The soul’s fire manifests in many ways. Perhaps its deepest expression is in the fires of love and sexuality. Like a fire, burning desire can be the root of our noblest acts, but also the source of our most decadent behavior. Sexuality as selfish drive, divorced of intimacy, brings us to the lowest depths; infused with sanctity, intimacy, commitment and integration, it lifts us to the our greatest heights, infusing us with the power to create – allowing us to enter the “Holy of Holies” close to G-d.
But this is paradoxically possible only when our burning desires are not driven solely by human needs. When they are, the same force is rendered into a destructive addiction.
All addictions are a result of a deep void demanding attention. The desperate search for passion will look for an outlet. If the spiritual thirst is not quenched in a healthy way, it will demand nourishment at all costs – even if it means self destructive methods.
Addiction by its very nature means profound dependency. Why would someone get addicted to anything? Why would we need something that badly that we should become addicted to it? True, this may be due to the actual substance itself. Some substances are chemically addictive; they have the power to stimulate and ultimately alter certain chemicals in the brain that creates a compulsive craving and uncontrollable dependence on that substance. But that still doesn’t explain why a particular individual allows him or herself to become addicted. What need is this substance induced altered state serving; what void is it filling?
Addiction demonstrates two things at once: A deep hunger, but the hunger is being sated with a force outside of yourself, trapping you, killing you. The solution is not to eliminate the need (by becoming a passive bore), but to relieve its pangs by feeding it with the surrender to the Divine.
The ultimate relief of the soul’s profound tension is bittul – humble submission to the world of spirit. The greater the soul’s hunger and passion, the more its need for selflessness.
The story of Aaron’s sons teaches us that the spiritual state fills the healthy human need for transcendence. But this healthy need can be filled in unhealthy ways, served by unhealthy tools; the desire can be pure, while the objective of the desire may not be, turning the flame into a firetrap.
From Aaron’s sons we learn why the Torah utterly rejects any induced state of altered consciousness. Besides for the obvious issues of health, addiction and complying with the law – all fundamental concerns in the Torah – the mere fact that one turns to a “strange fire” to access spirituality (even if the experience was in some ways genuine) reflects the abovementioned distortions: A yearning driven by self-interest, unearned, escapist and non-integrative.
Even when using healthy and natural methods and means to achieve spiritual highs, the key lies in your actual attitude and drive: If transcendence becomes another extension of yourself, and is driven by your need or desire to get high, then even if you use healthy methods, ultimately transcendence will elude you. Only when you realize that you have to let go – let go of your drives, needs and even hunger – then the spiritual high will emerge.
And then, its will also be an integrative experience instead of an escape. It will open you up to spiritual freedom, instead of becoming an addictive monkey on your back.
Ecstasy that is driven by human politics is politics not ecstasy; ethereal perhaps, but still man-made. Spirituality on human terms not on spiritual terms.
The fire of the soul is our greatest asset. The passion that burns in the unfettered spirit can overcome any challenge. Yet, our success in harnessing these powerful flames is in direct proportion to our humility and selflessness in appreciating them. And carefully protecting and nurturing these flames.
The question we must always ask is twofold:
Are my fires burning?
What will I do with these fires – will I indulge myself in them or will I allow them to lift me and the world around me to greater places?
* * *
Question of the Week: Do mind altering drugs help or impede the spiritual search?
Tags: passion, control, addiction, death, experience, drugs, Holy of Holies, soul, Nadav, fire, Avihu, Divine, sexuality, Beis Hamikdash, destruction, love, Aaron
Posted in Weekly Parsha, Soul & Mystical, Religion, Beliefs & Concepts, Vayikra, Free Choice, Personal Life, Social, Acharei, Spiritual, Kedoshim, Torah, Emotions & Psychology, Personal Stories, Medicine | 19 Comments »
April 25th, 2018
Every one of us has inner strengths, far beyond what we are aware of. The extent to which your inner strength is buried within you effects your access to it, yet with the right effort you can discover these powers. Childhood experiences or life traumas may have concealed your inner strengths (and they may be the cause for problems you have with self-confidence and accessing your strengths), but they are, and always remain, your natural birthright — and are waiting right beneath the surface, beckoning to be released. Finding these inner resources is not always easy — there are no magic pills. It often requires painstaking work. But with diligence and persistence you can uncover them. Begin with the attitude and commitment that you are going to invest in finding your inner strength, and use the following techniques to do the work.
Embrace Challenges
An olive does not produce oil until you press it — meeting a challenge brings out the best in a person. Inside of you there is potential that is unrealized, but without some pressure you won’t access it. Pressure builds a drive to overcome the obstacle, the need to find a way. People find solutions that they never would have thought of had they not been under pressure. Pressure also dislodges and forces the hidden strengths to surface.
Think of a dam. As the dam restrains the flowing water, the water builds up pressure, and continues growing in strength, until the point that the water can burst through the dam with enormous intensity — power that would never have been tapped were there no resistance from the dam. The deeper the resistance, the more power is built up. This principle holds true in our personal lives.
Baby Steps
Over time, it gets harder to express repressed inner strength. You need to begin using this tool like a muscle that went into atrophy. Slowly slowly warm it up and massage it gently (metaphorically) to get it ready for use.
Embrace challenges and put yourself in situations where you have to find solutions, but do it in a way that is not overwhelming — challenging but not demoralizing. Don’t force anything, don’t “bite off more than you can chew,” setting yourself up for failure. The key is to score small victories, and build up your strength and confidence. Find small scenarios where you can exercise your inner strengths facing small obstacles. Aiming for perfection is not realistic — aim for hope and attainable goals instead.
Spend Time With Strong People
Success is contagious. Excellence brings out excellence, and mediocrity brings out mediocrity. Being around people who access and express their inner strengths help you build and express your inner strengths, while being around fearful people builds fear. It is OK if you feel a little bit inferior to them — some competition is healthy. Healthy envy motivates and increases wisdom.
Stand for Something
Ask yourself: Is there anything so important to you that it is not optional? What is your inner strength for? What do you stand for? Find something permanent rather than things that are of physical nature. (Money, pleasure, and prestige are of a physical nature, while things like helping others, sharing wisdom, and pursuing spirituality are of an eternal nature.) Direct your inner strength toward something beyond and greater than yourself.
Exercise: How do you deal with confrontation? Do you know how to solve a problem? Do you withdraw or explode when faced with challenges? Journal about it in your MyMLC journal.
Go deeper into this subject: Are You Driven? | Your Guide to Personal Freedom: Counting the Omer Week Four |
SOULGYM I MASTERCLASS
Live with Rabbi Simon Jacobson
Weekly Masterclass
Wednesday, November 13, 2024 @8:30pm
Live Stream | Podcast
Add to Calendar
Tags: Inner Strength, motivation, transcendence, Netzach
Posted in Soul Gym, Personal Life, Emotions & Psychology, Pain & Suffering | 1 Comment »
April 18th, 2018
Are you living up to your potential? Do you feel that you could grow more as a person, but just haven’t? Could you do better at work, be kinder to your family, and spend more time doing acts of goodness? One possible cause of stagnation could be that your expectations of yourself are too low. The following three pointers will help you raise your expectations and move you from apathy to motivation.
Higher Expectations Are Self-Perpetuating
Your attitude shapes your possibilities. You create your own reality. The cause for our lower expectations is lower expectations. Like a self-defeating prophecy spiraling downward in a vicious cycle, the less we expect the less we think of ourselves and the less we will deliver. Conversely, the more we expect more from ourselves, the more we think of ourselves and the more we will deliver.
Higher Expectations Cause You to Find and Use Your Personal Strengths
The more you expect of yourself, the more you will live up to the expectations. The actual expectation motivates you to rise to the occasion, to dig deeper and plumb the reservoirs of your rich resources.
Try it out. Expect the most of yourself, and even if you won’t always live up to it, you will achieve far more than when you expect less. (Needless to say, expectations must be realistic for them to work, but it still is better to err on the side of greater rather than lesser expectations. Especially since you can never know the depths of your potential).
Higher Expectations Make You Feel Dignified
Above all, free will remains the ultimate expression of human dignity. When you expect more from yourself, you no longer are reduced to a mere computer program playing out a pre-written script. And you no longer search for the “usual suspects” to blame your actions on. Instead, you are filled with confidence in yourself and your abilities to navigate through every challenge.
Obviously, there are situations which are not in your control . Be sensitive and empathetic with yourself in such situations while being responsible for that which is in your power. However, never allow self-pity to undermine your dignity. You have the power to shape your destiny.
Exercise: Search your life for areas in which your self-expectations are low. Where do you cut yourself slack, or make excuses for yourself? Create a new set of expectations for yourself. Write about it in your MyMLC journal.
Go deeper into this subject: Great Expectations | Are You Living Up to Your Potential? | The Anatomy of Self-Sabotage | Seven Steps Toward a Life Without Apathy |
SOULGYM I MASTERCLASS
Live with Rabbi Simon Jacobson
Raising the Bar: Recognizing and Actualizing your Potential
Wednesday, March 5, 2025 @8:30pm
Live Stream | Podcast
Add to Calendar
Tags: dignity, motivation, self-development, self-respect, apathy
Posted in Soul Gym, Personal Life, Emotions & Psychology | No Comments »
